Yes, we’ve only been together for two months, which might seem quick to some, but that’s not my concern.
We’re both in our mid-30s and ready to settle down. I want kids, and so does he. In the beginning, I was casually dating a few other guys while seeing him, so I had options. It’s not like I’m settling for just anyone.
He is taking a two-month vacation and staying with his family in Oklahoma, where I also live. He’s about two hours away still, so we haven’t seen each other much. Despite that, we’ve had some great times when we did meet, spending over 10 hours together on most occasions. However, there have been some awkward moments due to our limited time together.
So…He’s moving to New York for a new job, and he doesn’t have a say in the location since it’s a government placement. I’m not particularly attached to Oklahoma, and I also have two jobs, with one which is my own business being my main source of income.
I jokingly (mostly) mentioned eloping, and he said “let’s do it”. He suggested we get married, I move to New York with him, and the government would cover our housing expenses. I really wanted to say yes, but I felt it might seem too hasty, so I suggested we continue dating and see where it goes. I would have agreed in a heartbeat, but I didn’t want to come across as desperate. I been a little anxious lately and I’m not sure why. I guess I just really want input.
TL;DR!
I am considering moving across the country and eloping with this guy I’ve been seeing for a couple months.
16 comments
DO NOT DO THIS you cannot be so desperate to get married that you’ll bind yourself to a stranger.
Absolutely do not do that. Spend some more time getting to know each other, give it at least a few more months before thinking of moving in together. Then maybe in a few months you can try it out, but have an escape plan in case it turns out you maybe don’t make such a great team living together.
Moving in with someone or even considering marriage after 2 months tells me this is purely driven by those first feelings of excitement about someone new, because you can’t possibly know everything you should know about each other to be able to make a reasoned decision on moving in together.
That’s a typical holiday affair, emotionally viewed. Marrying a holiday sweetheart has been a bad idea since the invention of holidays. If you consider moving to NYC, that’s fine. But do it on your own accord, with your own resources and into your own flat. Then start from there.
Very bad idea. There’s a very low chance it will work out.
Imagine this scenario: you move. He breaks to with you. Will you still be happy to continue living in New York for the near future? If no, absolutely don’t do it. If yes, move into your own apartment. Don’t live together and don’t marry.
>which might seem quick to some, but that’s not my concern
It should be. You dont know him
You’re still in that early, giddy part of the relationship. Ok, we get that you’re not settling for him because you don’t have other options. However, you barely know this guy. Getting married or moving away together would be a terrible idea.
You know what?
Fucking go for it mate, and see where it goes. Don’t dive into anything legally binding or get pregnant immediately, but if you really like him just get there with him and see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, you move back home.
I lost someone I thought I’d spend my life with because of distance. Don’t make my mistake.
Know two couples where this worked out. Both are 20 years married with kids. One couple started trying for kids 2 months in (due to age) and were married very soon after, the other were dating long distance and he moved to be with her and they were married within 6 months. All that being said, I’ve also heard so many horror stories. But the same can be said that I’ve heard horror stories with people knowing each other for years before marriage so make of that what you will.
Ultimately you need to be comfortable with the decision. Just make sure you are not financially dependent and can leave if you need to, which is something I think in general tbh.
You do not know him! It could be so difficult for you to leave if he turns out not to be the person you think he is. You’re probably anxious because you already know this deep down.
This does not feel like it would be a good idea to do so early in the relationship.
Wait at least 10 more months. Please don’t do something this stupid.
This can’t be a real question. At least I hope it isn’t.
You barely know someone after a year let alone 2 months. Take your time.
You don’t know him. Do not uproot your whole life for someone you dont know. That never works out the way people think it will.
yeah 2 months of long distance is the equivalent of not knowing someone more than an acquaintance. You need to calm down and really think about this.
> He suggested we get married, I move to New York with him, and the government would cover our housing expenses
Huh?