It seems people ghost so much nowadays we might as all be zombies.
In the dating world especially, it seems so normal to people now so I’m asking all of you, why do you honestly do it, especially if the conversation seems to be going well?
For context, I was talking to someone they ghosted a month before. They came back apologized, we started texting very good conversation it seemed and then out of no where they vanished again. Keep in mind for a solid week our texts were flowing naturally, very long and natural. Even voice notes were sent! So it wasn’t like the convo was dead or one sided.
(We are both late 20s) So not in HS.
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Normally when I do is because the conversation is not going well. And even then only if we haven’t met in person yet.
I don’t think I ever truly ghosted(ignored a message someone sent to me and not answered) I’ve unmatched a couple of chats without providing an explanation, but both times the chat was kind of dead, it was clear we had huge dissimilarities, and in one of them we disagreed over a sensitive topic(the ending of lord of the rings). I didn’t feel I need to outright state “hey, we’re clearly not a match for each other” I just stopped talking for 24 hours(and so did they) and then I unmatched. To be specific, the reason was not having different opinion, it was more that they argued badly(they do not acknowledge why you might have that opinion, and they consider you crazy for disagreeing with them)
I wouldn’t take back a ghoster, ever! Just like I would never take back a verbal or physical abuser or a cheater. These are not one time acts, this is an attitude/attribute. A person who does this once does it again and again, they have neural pathways built for this and it is easy for them…
I don’t, ever. It’s rude and it’s happened to me enough times that I know how it feels. What kind of person intentionally makes another person feel like crap?
I ghost when I can tell certain people can’t handle rejection. After getting text walls of being mean things and being stalked once, just not saying anything is safer than trying to be courteous. With that being said, if I’ve spoken to this person long enough and want to be friends, I’ll just ask them for that instead lol
Because when you tell someone the truth, a good 70% of the time they either become resentful towards you and get nasty or they get a bit crazy.
Because they are cowards
I “ghosted” a guy basically because I talked until I couldn’t talk anymore and he didn’t listen. Later I found out he said I ghosted him. Another guy I “ghosted” I thought we were done talking because he never reached out to me either. When you try to break up with someone and all they do is argue and say it shouldn’t be over “ghosting” is the only way. If you both lose interest and stop texting equally it’s not really ghosting. If you have never met in person it is not ghosting.
If the conversation sucks I will ghost. I’m tired of having to carry conversations.
If they don’t respect boundaries or are too pushy about sex right off the bat.
If they say something racist I’ll ghost
I assume you’re talking about online dating/apps…
Usually people are talking to multiple potential matches on those platforms and there’s a point where one decides they’ve spread themselves too thin and want to focus on either a single other person or a handful of people. Chances are in your example you didn’t make that initial cut then one of the people that did didn’t work out so she came back to talk to you and did the exercise all over again.
Some people (namely men) take rejection very violently so it’s sometimes easier for women to ghost rather than tell a guy she’s not interested for fear of that reaction; there’s plenty of people who seem very gentle/well behaved on the surface but the second you tell them you’re not interested they start doxxing you or insulting you or harassing you and many women just don’t want to deal with dozens of those types of reactions.
I was seeing this guy and on our first date we talked about how rude ghosting is and how it’s so easy to just send a text letting the other person know you’re not interested. Guess who got ghosted after the second date? 🙃
Never accept a ghost after they ghost. Coming back n apologizing means they knew exactly what they did was wrong.
I think the term “ghost” has gotten warped. It used to be when someone you were actually dating and had met IRL stopped responding. But online conversations are tricky because you really don’t know the person.
Sometimes conversations just fizzle or something better comes along or life gets in the way.
I mean… In my experience, the guys I’ve ghosted are the ones who react VERY negatively to anything that relates to them “not being good enough.” As someone else said, some people can’t handle rejection. Even when you try to give them an explanation, sometimes you just have to leave or they’ll do their best to prevent you from leaving, which is extremely scary.
This is my usual experience when a conversation happens (if it even happens at all; I only get matches on Bumble at this point, but they usually have to message first, and they usually don’t). We talk for a few days, usually goes well, like sharing music, complimenting each other’s sense of style, talking about college majors and nerdy interests, such as her cinematography career or my urban planning interest, it’s reciprocal, engaging, fun, wholesome, and then, outta nowhere… Nothing. No further messages, no discernible reason to stop talking, no explanation, no closure. Just: nothing. Why??
If it’s someone that I never met up with in real life, I don’t feel that I really owe them an explanation on why I’m not talking to them anymore, it likely just fizzled out
If it’s someone that I’ve gone on 3 dates or less with, I still think it’s okay to ghost. They’re basically a stranger to me so I still don’t really feel like I owe them anything
The few times that I have told men that I didn’t want to continue seeing them (after only 2 dates), they continued to argue with me about why I felt that way and it was exhausting
There are actually not many consequences for bad actions in society.
Ghosting means not interested and unless there’s a label on the relationship, take it as a rejection and leave.
Some might say it’s cowardice but as a woman, it’s scary for her to reject a man, that could lead to his violent behavior or more.
Doesn’t matter if you displayed healthy emotions or signs or are genuinely a good person .. you are paying for the misdeeds of any man before you, that includes her own family and if you’re a genuinely good person, just leave her be. Go live your life and pursue other options
I ghost when I feel the conversation is not being reciprocated. I give it a try or two and bail
I saw a woman I really liked. We kinda hit it off first two dates. Third date we have this very eventful day, dinner drinks a show etc. That night we had sex. The next day I just instantly wanted nothing to do with her. It was embarrassing and awful. All those feelings were just instantly gone. “post nut clarity” I believe the kids call it? It’s absolutely a litmus test as to whether I want to stay or bounce. I slowly left , like a spirit .
I find ghosting to be immature tbh. I don’t really care if it happens if I’ve never met them IRL because sometimes conversations just fizzle out. But, if I’ve met them I do let them know “hey, it was nice meeting you, but this isn’t going to work for me” because I appreciate it when the same is reciprocated. It totally hurts when people ghost! Haha if someone tells me it’s not going to work out I’m like “ok, next”. When someone ghosts me I’m like “argh this sucks and now I’m going to think about it” 😂
It’s easy and non-confrontational to “ghost” or “slow fade” and that’s why people do it. They avoid having to deal with another persons emotions and also avoid having to feel bad about rejecting someone. To say they “don’t owe them anything because I don’t know them” is silly. Just because someone is a stranger doesn’t mean I’m going to be rude.
to avoid this:
* *Hey it’s not going to work out. Thanks for the date.*
* No! Why? No! What did I do? what did I say?
* *Nothing, I just can’t see us going on, sorry.*
* No, please! PLEASE! Anything! Not this!
* *Sorry. Please move on.*
* <vague threats>
If you’re just talking on a dating app or w/e that’s not really ghosting imo. That’s just how it goes .
Now you go on a couple dates or more and then they go hard no contact, sure that’s ghosting.
I got pissed off because she took too long to answer text, sometimes not even telling she’d be answering the next day (it wasn’t even late), regardless of the state of the interaction, which was going well.
I regretted it when after a week I spoke to her again and she umatched me. I know, adults have responsabilities, but my emotions got the better of me.
I have never ghosted anyone before. I’ve always replied and entertained, and if not interested I’d make it clear.
But this girl I’m talking to is bisexual and gives very masculine/bossy vibes and I really can’t bother dealing with that. I’ve been talking to her for weeks, yet she’s still cold, distant, and is constantly in a defensive mode. I’ve confronted her in a friendly/joking manner about it (being cold), and she just blames it on previous “trauma”.
The reason I’ll ghost her is because she’ll be very toxic if I confront her, and I’m no psychiatrist to help with her trauma or have the time and energy to deal with it.
Edit: she’s also not down to meet or anything, just wants free attention through texting/calls.