I (22F) met my ex (26M) a year and a half ago. It was nice, great guy, amazing sex. We stayed together for 3 months, and broke up because we were incompatible, we didn’t want the same things.
Anyway, now I’m with another guy, together for almost a year, and… I’m bored. Sexually, I’m bored. Classic scenario: he’s horny, remove his clothes, ask me to do the same, then lies in bed doing nothing, so I suck his dick otherwise nothing happens, then I ride him, and missionary.
I talked with him, told him how I’d like to do it. Things improved a little, but… it’s not enough. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m still dissatisfied.
Problem is, it gets worse and worse over time. I can come pretty easily (I think), and with him I’m struggling. Also struggling to get wet (which led to 2 condoms breaks, lube is important). I see that he is trying, touching me more often, asking what I want. But now I’m less interested in having sex with him. I like giving him handjobs and blowjobs when he is horny, but I don’t want him to touch me anymore. My desire is very low.
Around 4/5 months ago, I started thinking about my ex when my bf is fucking me. Because it really helps me to cum. I’m feeling a lot of guilt. I hate what is happening.
My bf is really amazing, but in the bedroom, he’s a terrible lover. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m kind of tired of my sexlife. We talked about this a few times, and I’m tired of the lack of pleasure I’m still feeling.
Now I’m starting to think that I am the problem. I hate my thoughts about my ex, it makes me a horrible partner. The whole situation is frustrating and I’m sad and angry at me.
If you have any advice, please share your thoughts, I don’t know what to do or what to say anymore.
2 comments
I’m going to say it’s not the ex, it’s the current BF. If things were more compatible you wouldn’t be thinking about ex at all.
Flatly you voiced concerns, he ignored them, not you’re thinking about the last guy who actually gave a crap about pleasing you in bed.
The solution isn’t the ex, unless you want to have a rebound after you break, it’s a new partner that’s emotionally and sexually available.
You are not the problem. Lazy lovers are lazy and if your current partner simply refuses to even try to improve his fuck skills then you need to ask yourself if you can be with this person indefinitely and not be sexually fulfilled. Do you put in effort to satisfy him? If so you need to ask him how he’d feel if you suddenly refused to even consider his pleasure and just lied there like a dead fish and looked bored. Sex is a group project and everybody has to pull their weight. On top of that, let him know that if you feel fulfilled and sexually satisfied you’re going to be so much more turned on and willing to do wild, awesome shit to his dick.
Think of it this way: if you were dating somebody who was a strict vegan and won’t even date somebody who eats meat when not around them, but you are an enthusiastic carnivore and maybe even need that iron to feel good day-to-day, could you go forever without meat? No. Sex is a basic human need for most people and if you’re being deprived of sexual fulfilment that’s no different than being deprived of nutritious food.