I went on three dates with a guy. He’s nice and we have a few things in common. It was definitely NOT fireworks for me, but I wanted to give it some time to see if maybe that changed. I was considering giving it one more date, BUT…
I have gotten really busy…like insanely busy. So I decided to pause dating entirely. I sent him a text message to let him know…
“Hey, hope you’re doing well. Sorry it took me a few days to reply to your last text. Things have been really busy for me. After reflecting, I’ve realized I just don’t have the time to date right now. I’m pausing the whole dating thing entirely. Wish you all the best.”
I thought that would be the end of it. Maybe I’d get a “thanks, good luck to you too.”
Instead he starting texting…”let’s talk about this…” and then he called. And then he called again. And then he called again. I was driving at the time, so I didn’t even see the text messages or missed calls until I got home (I keep my phone off in the car) .
I haven’t replied. We haven’t spoken. But I’m not interested in negotiating. It’s a ‘no.’ for me. I was pretty clear and direct in my text message…I’m not dating.
Do I owe this guy a follow-up conversation???
17 comments
You absolutely do not owe him anything, and given that he kept calling you multiple times and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer, you definitely dodged a bullet.
No you don’t owe them
You don’t owe anybody anything.
I would block in this case. Sorry but not. Who cares, block the guys phone number. Sometimes I forget I’m in the dating over 40.
Men are more simple it’s better to be more forward and say what you said
“I’ve decided I’m not ready to be dating we got a long but it’s not going to go any further because I’m not ready sorry good luck “
You don’t owe anyone anything but honestly a reason why might be good for someone to know so they can move on and maybe change what they did wrong or better thire selfs I don’t know maybe that but you don’t have to or owe anyone anything
You don’t owe him anything, you guys weren’t even in a relationship. And calling you 3 times in a short time frame like that, in addition to the text, indicates he could potentially be a stalker. The text you sent him was fine, but I wouldn’t respond to him further.
You don’t owe that possessive creepy fuck shit. Stay far away. Something is clearly off with him
You could give him a proper rejection at least. Actually say that you’re not feeling him, instead of leaving it so vague to the point where he probably thinks he still has a shot (in the future, when you’re not as busy, and have ‘unpaused’ the dating thing)
Personally, I believe after 3+ dates, one should do the courtesy of an in-person breakup/letdown because you’ve both invested a lot of time, energy, and/or money into meeting each other, but that’s just me. You already told him that this wasn’t gonna go further over text already, so no. You don’t owe him an in-person conversation, as much as he would probably like one, because you’ve already said your piece and ended things.
If you hadn’t sent the text, I would’ve said to end it in person, but since you had, what’s done is done. No point in any further conversation.
You owe him nothing. He’s being creepy. You gave a perfectly reasonable explanation of your situation. Ignore him and block if needed
Personally if i’ve invested over a month (guessing the timeframe by 3 dates) into someone it would be nice to at least get some closure on it, pre-internet dating the dating phase wouldn’t usually get dragged out for so long.
Was there loads of texting between the dates? With online dating its very easy for women to cut it off because you’re likely to be texting 10 other guys then just picking the one you want for a date, for men he’s likely to be just if messaging you so he’s automatically just going to be much more invested in the situation.
Your message will probably have been interpreted that he did something wrong, when he wasn’t really the problem here.
You didn’t ghost him, you were clear there was no going forward. It’s odd he’s calling you to talk about it. I wouldn’t worry about continuing it any further
I think what you told him was appropriate, If you honestly wanted to give it a chance to see if things went somewhere then fine.. there wasn’t one and you told him so. After 3 dates maybe a phone call would’ve been more appropriate. Did you split the bill on the dates? I only bring this up because maybe if he was the one paying for everything then he might be feeling used.
It’s not about owing anyone but just that you ended everything on a clear note so there’s no misconceptions whatsoever and this doesn’t just need to be with an ex bf or a friend but also your colleagues or boss or anyone who you’re parting ways with.
What I find strange is his entitlement to your time. I’ve dated men for MONTHS and still asked if we could have a phone call. The fact he called multiple times shows me he has a lack of respect or a lack of boundaries.
I’d leave it because any phone call with him is going to be absolutely draining. Next time when you reject someone, don’t use an excuse (being busy is an excuse, the real reason you’re ending it is you’re not feeling it). Simply say “I don’t see a romantic future for us. I wish you the best!”.
Nope. You handled it great imo