Men want to be them and women want to be WITH
them.

Are bad boys simply cool guys who are really “bad
ass” at being who they are?

29 comments

  1. At no point in my life could I be considered a “bad boy” and I’ve done just fine with women.

  2. It’s a guy whose selfish attitude is mistaken by women for for attractive confidence.

    Most guys do *not* want to be like that, hence their frustration when women are drawn to it.

  3. Every phrase like this has different definitions. How about you define it instead and then I can tell you my opinion on it.

  6. >What Exactly Is a Bad Boy?

    Someone that doesn’t have their life together who leans too hard on his partner until they get dumped after she gives up trying to fix him.

  9. Men don’t want to be them, as being a bad boy is a little boy game. They act like assholes because they know stupid and broken women go to them. They act irresponsible and for some reason the women keep coming back, so why bother improving? I have neither need nor desire to be such a git, as I’d rather fend for myself rather than mooching and had a life plan past 27

  10. For me, it was having a bit of a rockstar rebel vibe. That attracted a lot of girls when I was younger. But eventually they realized I was just a dumpster fire.

    Fortunately I’ve grown out of that, but the women who haven’t – they are now the dumpster fires!

  11. I think it comed down to this: Attractiveness is a matter of “hotness” and “indicators of social viability & longevity”.

    Sixpack and an aloof attitude are sexy, but on their own they won’t make a man a good partner. I’d say a “bad biy” is a man with an undeniable set of sexually attractive traits but not the right set of traits that would indicate that long term relationships with him are possible or wanted from his side.

    Some might call it “too much alpha, too little beta”, pick your label, in the end the important thing is not what you call it but the accuracy of the dynamic and ones understanding of it.

  15. It’s not really what you think it is. It can’t be cultivated. Usually, people with bad home lives who are socially malajusted. Women think they can fix them, but they can’t. It’s not cool at all.

  16. “Bad boys” are historically just cool and/or interesting guys who girls/women think need fixing.

    Whether they’re actually bad or not isn’t really dependent on the term. There are seemingly very nice guys who end up controlling dick-heads, and “bad boys” who are really just absolute golden retrievers, the point is in how they’re perceived.

  17. An irresponsible person. They don’t care about others or law, just themselves. A woman looking for a bad boy isn’t worth time.

  19. It’s a way of signaling social status and security of that status. A high-status individual can get away with breaking rules, either by avoiding enforcement or punishment, and still retain that status. If you observe carefully, it’s rarely overt law-breaking or, if so, the laws are minor (e.g. drinking in public) rather than major (armed bank robbery); most often it’s social conventions regarding appearance, manners, speech, and, most crucially of all, whom they defer to or treat as high status. In essence, to successfully flout the authority of someone perceived as high-status and avoid punishment, they must be high status themselves. Think of Kevin Bacon in Footloose – he defies the authority of the highest-status member of society (John Lithgow’s reverend) and is not punished, demonstrating his status to his classmates.

    The problem is that status cannot be directly observed, and must instead be inferred. This opens the door to people incorrectly assuming status (e.g. mistaking someone who’s just a jackass for a rebel), attempts to imitate high status behavior (trying too hard, copying the appearance but not the behavior), and combinations thereof.

  20. The “bad boy” is simply focused on his/her goal or gain, rarely do the feelings or thoughts of others enter his/her mind. This trait can be in any type of person, criminal, athlete and so on. True coolness comes from the confident and single minded attainment of your goal.

    The less you think of others the more confident you are. You seem unobtainable and most of us see that as “bad”.

  23. Check out this YouTube channel, he just did a great episode on this topic:

    https://youtu.be/xDUxtkSSR8I?si=4yrEoEUINw_nG2Ae

    The short answer is it means different things to different people. If we look at it from a woman’s perspective I think it means one of two things:

    – A wounded woman will be attracted to men who trigger her unresolved wounds. She will confuse this activation of her trauma response system as “chemistry” and find it very attractive. It’s familiar to her, brings out an unresolved dynamic from childhood she yearns to resolve. He might remind her of her father who never loved her and was dismissive of her. Just like the dude sitting across the table from her. In this case a bad boy is basically a toxic asshole, just like her father.
    – An unwounded woman may (read: generally does) find a man who demonstrates dominant-masculine traits attractive because he gets shit done in life, doesn’t capitulate to others, and creates a sense of safety for her because she trusts he won’t buckle under threats to her or her children. In this case a bad boy is someone who operates with a sense of drive and independence, who is not afraid to go after what he wants in life, and is not afraid to fight for what he believes in. So long as she can position herself to be what he wants, she can benefit from that behavior. She can be the thing he fights for.

  25. A lot of the “bad boys” are actual criminals. Women really love the thrill of being with dangerous, horrible guys. Most of the guys wanting to be a “bad boy” think that looking a certain way is enough, but it’s not.

  27. In theory a “bad boy” is someone who plays by their own rules. A guy who doesn’t let anyone else tell him what to do but still has his own code he lives by. A rebel more than a criminal.

    That’s why they’re appealing. That confidence and individuality. It’s why movies about cops who don’t play by the book are so popular. We (by which I mean Americans, generally) are enamoured with people who follow their own path and don’t care who doesn’t like it.

    When you think of “bad boys,” it’s usually someone who bucks traditions in some way. Fonzie was a rebellion against the clean cut 1950s young man. That’s why they’re so often pictured listening to that eeeeevil rock music or riding motorcycles. Outsiders.

  29. * He’s confident to the point of being cocky.
    * He’s impulsive.
    * Get into trouble (if only mischief, not necessarily a felon).
    * Probably gets into fights
    * Has said “here, hold my beer” more than a couple times.

    I don’t think anyone REALLY wants to be him. And only immature women want to be WITH him.

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