Men, how much sex do you need/want to make a relationship work?

8 comments

1. My magic number is 2-3x a week. However lots of intimacy in between is required as well.

2. Yes, definitely.

   I do not speak for all men, but personally, deal breaker.

3. It would be a deal breaker for me, but that’s partly because I’m the type who expresses my romantic interest through sex as well.

4. There is no magic number that will help you. You need to understand that the moment you hit the dating market, there will always be a much smaller pool of people you can end up with because everyone has preferences and finding compatibility is a combination of timing, lock, and some degree of compromise.

   Regardless, there are men out there who have a little libidos too so maybe you’re better off finding someone who’s sex drive is a close match with yours but the only way you can really figure this out, besides putting something into your dating profile upfront, is simply by meeting people and talking with them and getting to know them, in other words: dating them.

   So no, you having a lower sex drive is no dealbreaker for everyone. But it will be for some and that’s just as true for someone with a high libido as it is someone with a low one

5. Ideal for me would be 4-6 times a week. Not just sex that’s mutual oral toys sex sexting basically anything.

   If you want limited sexual contact just be upfront and honest about it. Tell them very soon in the relationship so it doesn’t go on and on and one person sits on Reddit horny as fuck well your in the other room hapoy as can be not a care in the world

6. A lot of people might not really think about it but I think it’s important to recognize that sexuality is a lot more complicated than how often do you want sex with whoever you happen to be sexually attracted to. People experience sex in very different ways and desire it for a wide variety of reasons. For example some people might experience it kind of like mutual masturbation with a friend while others might experience it more as an intimate expression of love and closeness etc. To some people it could be a combination of various things like that while others only enjoy it in one way. Some people might only find sex with a committed partner enjoyable while others might enjoy one night stands. Some people might only be able to enjoy sex in one context like that while others might enjoy sex in various contexts depending on what sort of relationship they have with their partner. Learning where one fits into all of this often takes a lot of experience and introspection.

   Now to answer your question if I had sex as often as I felt like it I would probably be having sex at least once a day. That said I’m quite happy with what I get which is something like once a week. When I first met my partner I was traveling for work. Whenever I came home for a week or so we would have sex multiple times a day but it has slowed down a lot since. What hasn’t changed is non sexual expressions of love. For me sex is both an expression of love and a mutually enjoyable experience of making each other feel good. While it obviously does scratch the itch for an orgasm when I’m horny that’s really not the primary factor in my enjoyment of sex. After all I can take care of that myself. So in my case other expressions of intimacy like cuddling kisses etc mean that a decreased frequency of sex really hasn’t bothered me at all. If I got the impression that she no longer loves me that would be far more upsetting than less sex. So for me there really isn’t a simple answer to your question of how much sex I need.

   If I met you on a dating app and you said you have little interest in sex but still wanted romance I would probably be very curious how you define romance. After all to most people a sexual relationship is one of the main things differentiating platonic relationships from platonic ones. Personally I see romance as a deeper more committed version of friendship. I would say for me it is mainly a difference in the degree of closeness as opposed to there being a clear line between the two

7. 3x a week

   I could go more, but that amount makes me happy.

8. How often I want sex with my partner on average:
   1-2x a day

   How often I’m ok with compromising with:
   4-5x a week on average.

   Any less and I think I’d be incompatible for a relationship with my partner. I consider this a pretty high sex drive and only a few partners have wanted the same daily frequency I wanted.

   Obviously life events, illness, etc. can change these numbers and that’s totally fine/expected. I would try not to be intimidated and just understand that there are plenty of men/women out there who will have damn near the same level of desire as you. MOST men would consider this a dealbreaker tho