I am married now since 3 years and we have a daughter (nearly 3)
I would describe our relationship as normal -some ups and downs, but most of the time we are a good team, the child doesn’t make it easy all the time and we didn’t had so much time together alone anymore.
We didn’t spoke a lot about our ex partners, but I know one of hers, where she told me in the beginning was just a one night stand. Surprise it wasn’t but that she told me some time later. It was about 2 years before we met and they had some kind of a relationship. When we were dating, I told her I don’t like if she is writing with him and she promised not to get in contact with him anymore.
About a month ago I saw on her screen a message via instagram from him (I don’t check her phone or anything but this time I couldn’t resist) and I saw a conversation about meeting for lunch. (It was only the conversation of about 3 days, the rest was deleted)
I confronted her and asked her if she has still contact with him.
She told me of course not!
I then told her I know they met for lunch, but she still said no. After I told her I know for sure she swore it was only this one time because they crossed their way and went for lunch.
I asked her the next day if she is honest with me and if it was really only this one time, what she agreed.
But the problem was the text I saw was something like „let’s meet at these restaurant again?“ and because it was „again“ I was pretty sure it was not the first time. I asked here again and again and then she told me „yes but it was only this two times“ – nothing special and he is only a friend…
Know I don’t know what to do, at the beginning it was nothing with him, after some evidence only one time and there after only two times. I don’t know if she only tells me what she can’t denied or if it’s really the truth.
She says she would know I get mad so she keep it as a secret. Who wouldn’t get mad about a ex boyfriend which you don’t have to worry because we are just friends now??
I really don’t know what to do, because all my trust is gone. And every time we are not together I’m thinking about what she is doing and with whom.
Any advice ?
25 comments
I think you contact a lawyer.
That’s called trickle truth. Where she gives just a little of the truth at a time to test the waters, see how you’ll take it.. and then divulge a little more. Until she thinks you’ll flip it you know more. I suggest getting actual evidence and presenting it to her, so she has no wiggle room.
“If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing.”
Advice is get a divorce attorney. She’s likely cheating either physically or emotionally.
Have to show you her phone and retrieve her deleted texts there’s ways of doing that. it sounds like she’s full of crap sorry but she lied to you more than once in the text that you shared so I would not just take a word for it
She cheated already. Deleting texts and trickle truthing she keeps lying too. Can you really trust her? Go grey rock on her . She’s bad news dude
She’s obviously never going to stop seeing him and talking to him.
UpdateMe!
Cheaters will only ever tell you what they think you already know.
She lied. Therefore she has to prove she’s been faithful.
If she can’t or won’t, you need to assume infidelity.
So far, she’s continuing contact because there are no consequences.
She believes you won’t divorce her without concrete proof of adultery. Tl
She’s making a fool out of you.
There is only one reason to lie. She’s hiding something more.
You married a woman that has a history of lying to your face. She will just continue to and the lies will be bigger and bigger. There is no point in confronting her because she will lie to you. She knows she’s doing inappropriate things. That is why she deleted the messages and didn’t tell you about their meet up. Now she’ll just hide and lie better. Just get out and stop wasting your time and stop ignoring red flags. Get a lawyer.
She is cheating… you know what you should do.
It isn’t the sex, emotions, affection, or other stuff that makes it cheating. It is the lies. She is clearly lying and actively hiding stuff. She doesn’t have any remorse for it. She just keeps doing it.
You can either respect yourself and see a lawyer and file or you can tell her it’s ok and let hee have a boyfriend. Your choice.
It sounds like the marriage is dead. She is trickle truthing you and making plans to see her ex again. She is emotionally cheating and very likely physically or progressing towards it.
Get a divorce lawyer, have her served, and move on. Let your family and your close friends know so you have support during.
She is cheating on you. You don’t hide appropriate interactions.
Attorney pronto. Get ahead of this cause she’s still involved with the ex. It’s only going to get worse.
You don’t have enough evidence. Wait and watch for now, see how things turn out.
Also, do not let your emotions cloud your judgement. Yes, she is your wife, mother of your baby girl, and you love her a lot, but think from your head, and close your heart for now to her, so you don’t make a fool out of yourself.
Sit her down. Point out all the times she has lied to you. Ask her how are you supposed to trust her anymore? Tell her she has one last chance to tell you everything and if she doesn’t the marriage is over. Let her speak and take note of any changes to her story. Then ask to see her phone, if she refuses, you know you don’t have the entire story and you can tell her you will be calling a lawyer tomorrow (you might want to actually call before this). If she does give you the phone look for deleted messages from her ex. If she has sent/received messages since you originally confronted her, it’s over
Multiple lies regarding this ex…
>where she told me in the beginning was just a one night stand. Surprise it wasn’t but that she told me some time later.
>She told me of course not!
>After I told her I know for sure she swore it was only this one time because they crossed their way and went for lunch.
>yes but it was only this two times“ – nothing special and he is only a friend…
Lies about “just a friend” means its not just a friend…
And judging by your post shes been lying about him throughout your marriage…
Since shes not going to be honest about him, youre going to have to dig yourself…
Suggestions:
– snoop on phone… you already did this and found out she deleted concos, so…
– keylogger phone…
– VAR the car and anyplace she may go to talk discreetly…
And sorry, but you should consider paternity test for your child…
>She says she would know I get mad so she keep it as a secret
This could very well be the only reason for her lies…
But in case theres more, be prepared for what you intend to do if more damning things appear as you dig…
Finally;
Dont revisit this again with her… if there is someting (more) shady to all this, she’ll pause/bury it deeper if she suspects youre digging…
Best of luck…
Time for a lawyer dude.
This being unfaithful, more than likely
She’s cheating on you + she thinks you’re an idiot looks like
100% sex occurred.
You divorce her. The fact that she is still lying to you is all you need to know. She’s cheating on you with her ex. If it was actually innocent, she would never have lied to you
Yeah this marriage is done. She’s cheated on you and has lied to your face over and over again. That’s not what love looks like. And it’s certainly not what respect looks like. She is admitting to more and more, and I can 100% guarantee you that she’s still lying. It’s called Trickle Truth. They only admit to what they think you know. So as you continued to push, she realized that you knew more than she thought you did. So she confesses a little bit more.
This would be a complete dealbreaker for me, and I think it would be a complete dealbreaker for anyone with any self respect.
Establish a boundary or fucking move on.
Deleting texts.
Lying to your face about meeting for dinner.
Trickle truth when confronted with evidence.
**Time to end it man, this relationship is over.**
There’s no coming back from this imo.