Okay so how the title sounds. I think my boyfriend has a fetish for eating out because it’s something he begged to do since the beginning of the relationship.
He liked to nibble, flick his tongue directly on my clit, shake his face between my lips all of which wasn’t uncomfortable but wasn’t very pleasurable either.
He had 6~ sexual partners before me and I had a whopping 0. So at the time I just thought I didn’t like getting eaten out. He also has a specific thing for getting his face sat on BUT his head was even WORSE that way.
So I told him I didn’t really like it and he agreed we could do it less. One day he actually just licked me. No nibbling or suction with teeth, just a lick. It was so nice. I asked him if he could please do that some more and he said yes.
Every time he has gone down on me I’ve subtly been directing him to just lick nicely. Like if he was licking and he switched to nibbling I would tell him to go back.
He has been noticing I’m accepting head a lot more and am perfectly fine with sitting on his face when it was a point of contention before.
He asked me why I’d changed and I don’t want to hurt his feelings and tell him that he was horrible before but it was AWFUL. What do I do?
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I would suggest telling him that you love what he’s doing with his tongue now. Put the emphasis on how amazing he is at that technique rather than that he wasn’t doing it before, or that the other things he was doing weren’t enjoyable for you.
Edit: I think that could also be a good way to reinforce the direction you’ve been giving him so hopefully he continues on with what you want.
Do you need to focus on the negative? Why not look at the positive. “OMG, the way you’ve been licking my pussy. It’s sooo good. I think you might be converting me into an oral loving girl.” Win Win.
I don’t think what he was doing before was awful per se. It was just something that didn’t work for you.
You tell him “holy shit when you started doing _______ it was like my body ___________ and just yes pls more of that you are so good at it, I’ll do anything for more just like you have been doing it.”
No need to discuss the early false starts. focus on the current. And tell him its the licking, give him details “when you started just licking and they way you lick omg”
Answer: stroke. Stroke it good and stroke it now and stroke it often. His ego that is. We respond to that. That dopamine hit is what helps our blood reach back to our head. End college paper.
yes. As others have said… Just focus on what he’s doing right now. Whatever hes doing good right now, just tell him to do more of that, period.
Focus on the good
The only thing that matters is that you love it now. Tell him that your lack of experience kept you from being sure what you liked. Now that he’s found what you like, it’s awesome. It really isn’t more complicated than that.
Just tell him what you like, he’ll win because he can give more oral, and you’ll win because you get to feel good.
I think you can say that’s he’s figuring out what you really enjoy. That let’s him know he’s improving without explicitly telling him he was shit before.
Just tell him you like it more, this was not a necessary question for Reddit
Instead of you used to suck at it, like someone else says focus on the positive and say that he’s gotten much better at it. Since he was your first you can also bring in the fact that you didn’t know what you liked and have since figured it out.
You’re overthinking it. You can just say you like it now, that’s all. People and their sex preferences change. It’s really quite simple. No need to dwell on the past.
also worth noting is what doesnt work for you possibly worked for others. our personal preferences differ a lot. so much like everyone else is saying just focus on the parts you like more or want to explore further no need to say he sucked. that just wasnt for you. though the teeth thing sounds mostly universally like a bad time lol. you are also allowed to say what you want during sex. much more helpful than guys switching tactics while trying to guess whats working or not.
Tell him that now that you know more about what you like you have found out that you love the way he straight up licks your lips and clit but that the nibling is not for you. That way your giving it to him as a complement
OMG. Telling a guy his oral skills are so much better now and you want to sit on his face any time he would let you? You see that as something he might hate? If he hates that and you have daddy issues, I have a place for you to sit.
I would ease into it gently, but he is learning your body and starting to take the feedback it gives him. You gave him feedback. I think being honest, but focusing on what you want more of (the things he is doing right), will be seen as an ego stroke. And telling him I think about you eating me out or I want to sit on your face right now is very unlikely to be seen as a downer. Try it at a restaurant and see how quickly he pays the check.
You don’t have to use the word “you sucked” or “it was awful”. You can just tell him he was not in tune with you to start and he is now. You can go into the details of what you don’t like, if he presses, but make sure it is focused on “that is not for me” (specific) rather than “you sucked at eating pussy” (general).
Learning to please partners takes education. Learning to please a specific partner, even more. If he wants to please you – sounds like he does – knowing I prefer you lick. I want you to tease my lips more before you hit my clit. When I orgasm you have to back off until the clit is visible again, showing I am ready for another one (have you gotten to the multiple orgasm stage yet? If not, I hope to read you advise question then). All of this type of feedback, as long as it does not go back to when he was AWFUL, are more likely to have him doing it more often and wanting to get better. We call that a win-win.
Rock on, sister!
Show how much you’re enjoying it and compliment him. Leave out the “because you don’t suck at it anymore”.
Tell him what you like and tell him to do that. Be sensitive about it. Don’t mention his bad technique or anything like that. But do mention what he does that you like and ask him for more of that and don’t do the other stuff.
Please do blank blank blank because I love when you do it. It really gets me off good
Just tell him exactly what you want! You want to be licked this way and nothing else. Trust me he won’t care lol 😂 You are sitting on his face which is his happy place so don’t worry so much 😉
Just say ‘I love how you lick my pussy now”, that’s all.
And wait for the fireworks 💥 to begin!
“I wasn’t sure if I enjoyed you going down at me at first. I love how we communicate during sex, and how you’ve made adjustments to fulfill my needs down there and I fucking love when you go down on me now”
A candid open honest “discussion” always is best… don’t plan a time or make the (let’s talk) a big deal… just be upfront, thankful etc… relationships are about growing as two… hills and valleys…
Eg, “I like when you… etc etc”
add in “is their anything that I can maybe improve on for our intimate moments?”
Most will agree that truthfully we don’t learn about life, skills taxes etc until late 30’s or 40’s
I know sfa about everything
Well not like that haha 😂
1) “What changed is the previous techniques didn’t work for me. And since it’s my first time I didn’t know if I’d even like oral. I like when you lick, not flick/nibble/suck with teeth/shake face. Those might have worked on previous partners but for me the licking is what I like.”
Also, there’s a chance suction WITHOUT TEETH could feel really good. Keep trying new stuff and see what feels good.
2) I don’t know that I’d agree that he was horrible. I think horrible is being fixed on one set way of sex and not changing it up. Horrible is refusing to accept feedback. But it seems that he was open to feedback he just didn’t know what you liked.
Read him the title of this post
I think a key point is that everyone’s idea of good oral sex is different. Just because what he was doing before didn’t work for you didn’t mean it didn’t work for his other partner(s).
Tell him you’re loving it lately and that you like how gentle he’s being because that feels best to you. Make him feel good, tell him his last time was one of the best and you look forward to continuing to explore with him. He wants to do it, you want him to do it good, so it’s a win win, no need to tell him it was bad before just that you prefer how it’s been lately
Don’t tell him he was awful. Tell him how good the licking feels and how much you love it. Focus on the positive.
Why are you so focused on being negative? Focus on the positive experiences you’ve been having rather than snaking in the negative.
“I discovered that I really enjoy oral when you ____.”
Just say that you’re enjoying it more now that he’s gotten better at doing it the way you like it. No need to describe it as awful before; just say that it’s way better now.
So…in any relationship it’s important to communicate.
Tell him literally this. What you’ve just explained to us. Especially the part that you had 0 partners before this and so you didn’t know what it was supposed to be like.
From someone who loves going down on his partners, and his partners love it because my wife fucking taught me how, there is nothing wrong at all with being directed or given feedback.
You should absolutely tell your partners what they are and are not doing right.
And it probably feels hard to have this conversation because of the passage of time but…seriously. Just be honest. If he’s gotten better that’s a good thing.
“Oh baby, you’ve gotten so good at this!” While moaning, andor grabbing his head or other things of encouragement. I know that would do it for me
Just tell him. I’m sure he’ll be delighted
Easy, by being happy about now instead of criticizing him for the past. “Wow, what did you do? That’s amazing!” What would work best with you if the situation were reversed?
“Hey I know I said I didn’t enjoy getting oral in the past but I wpuldn’t mind revisiting it again and try some new things”
Then after the sesh
“Wow, that was amazing I totally changed my mind about oral, I love it! I want to get it more!”
So be honest? Everyone likes different things. Maybe an ex of his liked her pussy nibbled on. You don’t. Just tell him that’s how you like it and want more now
He seems to have some experience with other girls that were into that sort of thing, so maybe being honest and telling him that it felt AWFUL for you won’t hurt his feelings and he’ll understand that you’re just different. I always think that communication when it comes to sex should be as brutal as possible because when your partner knows exactly how much you like or dislike something they can start to pleasure you more intentionally which makes it all the more better.
Just be like don’t take it personal bro 😭
Tell him u had 2 adjust to his style
Can’t you just tell him you’ve grown to like it and that he’s doing it better than ever now? No need to tell him he gave awful head before.