So me (M25) and my girlfriend (F23) have been together for 3 months now. We get along really well, I really like who she is as a person and I feel she helps me improve as a person too.
However, our sex is very bland and I’m already getting bored of it. She’s disgusted by the sight and smell of cum, finds blowjobs disgusting and doesn’t like me going down on her either. Doesn’t like to be choked or even touched in the general neck area (no past trauma, at least none she shared when I brought it up) or have her hair pulled.
For the first few times I didn’t even cum. Faked it a couple of times and since she is disgusted by cum, thankfully didn’t even take a look at the condom. I did that partly so that she doesn’t feel too bad about her self. I already tried talking to her about sex in general but she is adamant about her needs and boundaries.
To be fair to her my previous girlfriend was a true semen demon. Basically nothing was off limits, spitting in her face and mouth, choking her, anal, anything really. She really drew the shit end of the stick being compared directly to the kinkiest one, but it is what it is.
I just feel like at this point we are so sexually incompatible that I’m going to be frustrated to the point I will no longer desire sex with her. My sex life is important to me and not something I can just gloss over.
So what do I do? Is the obvious answer to break up and find someone sexually compatible? Or is it worth waiting around to see if she becomes adventurous in bed after a while?
14 comments
After three years if she is not interested in the same bedroom activities you are, that is not likely to change. You need to find someone you are more compatible with if this is a priority for you.
Don’t compare her to other women. You’re not sleeping with them anymore, I hope.
I’m guessing you talked to her about this, right? Did she express an interest in changing? I mean the simple answer is “give her a chance to change or bounce if she doesn’t.”
You’re best breaking up before things get serious between you. Sexual incompatibility when you value sex so highly in a relationship is just going to breed resentment.
You’re both so young and been together for such a short time! Be kind to her though, it’s not a failing on her part. Just as you say, an incompatibility.
You really don’t want someone changing and having sex with you more frequently/more adventurously if they’re not really enjoying it and just doing it for you.
Good luck!
You break up and find someone more compatible. It’s only been 3 months so knowing this stuff early is a blessing and once you know, you should move on. There are some things you can work through together when it comes to that stuff, but she seems very set on being disgusted by things you rather enjoy. Long term that’s a bad recipe, cut your losses early and move on no hard feelings
Why would you want to choke her
You are not doing any favors to her by staying with her in a relationship that is not going to last. Let her go.
You’re not compatible. You’re not going to hit 100% on every woman, but you’re swinging more misses than hits here.
And not every woman wants to be choked.
Your tastes in sex are different. She’s not into the things you are.
That’s probably not gonna change, so maybe the best solution is to break up. And with the next person you start something with, talk about your tastes early on, and honestly. Saves you both time and effort.
Choking and hair pulling isn’t a normal thing to expect from a girl.
You should break up with this woman because you’re incompatible.
I think you also need to recalibrate your preferred level of kink compared to the general population and seek new partners accordingly. If what you’re really into is kink, you need to be screening potential partners for that early, and probably focus your search based on kink communities. In my personal experience, things like choking are outside the norm (this is real life, not porn) and there are *plenty* of reasons besides past trauma for women to be turned off by it. If that’s really what you’re into then you need to be more up front about it from the start.
>So what do I do? Is the obvious answer to break up and find someone sexually compatible?
Yes. That’s exactly what you do. You need to face the fact that this isn’t the GF you’e looking for. The other option is to somehow adjust to be 100% OK with things as is and have the expectation that they’ll get worse and not better and be OK with that to.
The biggest mistake you can make is thinking that she’ll magically change and become the GF you want. Or worse, you might think that somehow you can change her.
The reverse is much more likely. If she’s sexually incompatible during the honeymoon phase of your relationship, then it’s more likely that she’s actually extending herself now and will stop doing that in the future. In time she’ll become more and more resentful your attempts and you’ll become more and more resentful of her rejections.
It’s time to thank her for the past three months but that the match isn’t right for you. Then continue your search for the GF you’re looking for.
Well, at least you are not married. I had a girlfriend not really into it. Stayed with her too long. She became a nun.
It’s super early in the relationship. Time to acknowledge that it’s not a match and find someone who is.
For what it’s worth, choking and spitting are pretty extreme. I’m someone who loves to be spanked, tied, etc., but would NEVER allow that. If that’s what you need out of sex, you should probably stick to kink communities to find your next partner.
She will never change, trust me. Don’t waste your time, she’s probably frigid. She’s doing it now with you so that you fall for her and then the sex will stop altogether and you will have to endure a dead bedroom. Don’t stay, run.