TL;DR: I get irrationally clingy and jealous about women I sleep with once and I wish I could stop feeling this way.
I’ve (24M) noticed I have a tendency to become attached to women I sleep with or have a situationship with. Sometimes this manifests in being clingy or jealous, even with no reason to be.
I was hooking up with a woman after a party once and she said my homie’s name during (he was also at that party and I guess she had been flirting with him earlier in the night.) I had a brief moment of feeling inadequate after that, feeling like she really wanted him but settled for me cause he has a girlfriend. It was an awkward conversation for a minute and she went to the bathroom. While she was in the bathroom I thought “Who cares? She brought me home, it’s a hookup. Why does it matter at all?” And we kept going after she returned and it was fine.
Another time I hooked up with a woman who was a long time friend before, and afterwards I was trying to cuddle and stuff and she seemed entirely uninterested in that, which is fine. We’re not dating, it was a messy hookup. I just don’t know why this felt like such a gut punch to me when we both knew it was just a hookup.
After some time passes I can move on. I’m not even looking for a relationship. I just wish I could just turn this attachment emotion off for a day when I know I’m having a one night stand.
5 comments
Heya op, yeah I can get how it’s annoying being so clingy after just a hook up but it’s just your personality. Just keep waiting for the right one that likes you for being you. Hope things go well 🙂
You might have just found out that hooking up might not be for you.
I know I was never comfortable with it because I knew I would get attached. Hey that’s just the way I am
Not everyone can do the casual hookup thing. It isn’t even necessarily about wanting to date or whatever, it can just be that you aren’t able to reconcile the significance of sex with the disconnect/casualness they express and… that’s okay. That just means you probably shouldn’t be forcing/insisting on casual hookups.
Like if they make you feel bummed out then the sex itself isn’t really worth it… probably. I mean, that’s the conversation you need to have with yourself.
To be honest, I *AM* someone who’s able to stay emotionally unattached with hookups, and the two scenarios you describe here would still get under my skin, especially the first one.
If these are the worst examples you have of being “irrationally clingy and jealous,” I wouldn’t say you’re irrationally clingy and jealous at all. I’d say you have normal human emotions.
The first situation would sting for most people, I assume. It’s also unlikely to ever happen again so I don’t think you need to reflect on it too much. As for the second situation: a lot of people don’t like mixing affection with causal sex. Personally I’m not one of those people. But I also get it. If you’re going to continue having casual sex, you either have to be prepared for that to happen sometimes (or most of the time), or find yourself a FWB that you know is into that. Or just discuss it beforehand if you’re already talking frankly about sex with a potential hookup.
Instead of wanting to change your nature, why don’t you just stop trying to have casual sex?