His testosterone is low and he’s on suboxone. Meaning his sex drive is very low. I’m incredibly horny all the time and can’t shut it down. It’s on my mind all day.
When I try, and it does nothing, I feel embarrassed and creepy. I take it as a rejection even though I know it’s probably not. But why can he only get hard for blowjobs and nothing else?. Whatever I try, it does nothing.
He offered to help me masturbate but the whole time I felt like a pervy creep no matter what I did and then got hit was a huge wave of embarrassment when he didn’t get hard at all. It felt like I really put myself out there and he didn’t like any of it. But then he got hard immediately when he initiated a blowjob and he came really quick.
I don’t want to cry in front of him because I feel like it makes the issue of him not cumming worse but it’s been severely effecting my self esteem.
I don’t know what to do.
23 comments
Communication is the key here, Ask him to see a doctor.
What age is he? Can he hop on trt?
Trust his actions. If he’s enthusiastic about being sexual with you, then he does want to do that, regardless of how his dick reacts. Don’t let an automatic physical reaction overshadow what he willfully does to make you feel good.
If oral works, then focus on that, perhaps? Let him show you what that mouth do.
What does “only” mean? Was it once or twice that this happened or is it every time?
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My fiancé is on Suboxone as well and this happens to him sometimes too. It made me feel the same way but we communicated very well about it, and he assured me it was just his medication. But it still didn’t make me feel any better at the time. Just be patient and talk about it. I hope things get better for you OP❤️
It 100% isn’t a rejection and isn’t your fault. If he has low testosterone, so why do you think anything you do is your fault? Nothing you’re doing is creepy, pervy, or something to be embarrassed about either. You want to have a physical connection with your BF. For nearly every couple in the world, that’s not just normal, it’s expected. Whether he gets an erection or not doesn’t change that.
It seems like he wants to have that connection with you too, by helping you orgasm, and doing the things that do work for him. If this had anything to do with you, he wouldn’t be trying to make it work out. Lean into the idea that he wants that with you. If only limited things work, lean into that, and enjoy the things he does to you. You can absolutely feel good, have fun, and be intimate and close, without his erection.
Ex addict here. I’m on methadone though. It affects your ability to become aroused and orgasm for sure…. But this doesn’t mean I don’t really enjoy it when I finally get there. I still have a high libido. It just takes some work and understanding.
Taken from the interweb…
*Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the most common sexual side effect for men using Suboxone for OUD. The study showed that 77.5% of men experienced erectile dysfunction while on Suboxone, with many reporting that the medication interfered with their ability to remain sexually active*
I used to have low test. Two things to breakdown.
1) BJ are easier to “keep up” because they’re truely visual while not all forms of sex is, also whilst low of test he want have that “energy”. So lying back and getting taken care of helps him focus.
2) low test meant I was still thinking about sex, I was still craving intimacy, I still watched porn. However it’s just your body not playing ball. It’s not you I promise.
Why isn’t he on TRT? (Testosterone replacement therapy)
If therapy is easily accessible to you and you have the budget for it, I highly advise this. It can get your mind wrapped around this not being your fault or his better but rather it being an affect of the the drugs.
You’re confusing his overall attraction to you to one specific thing he can’t entirely control now. His meds are messing with his regular bodily functions so you getting upset about that is like if he got upset at you for taking an Advil for your headache and he got mad at you not having a headache anymore. You see how that sounds weird? Yeah, that’s how you sound. I’m not saying your feelings are not to be considered here but if you can’t accept that he actually still is attracted to you regardless of what you FEEL his body should be doing when you try to turn him on you need professional help to get you over these mental hurdles you’re jumping over and getting stuck in. Cos you’re fixating on this and unhealthily processing this in a way that only tears yourself down.
Has he considered going to a holistic hormone specialist? There are lots of other options for low testosterone. I would see a naturopath that use the Dutch test. Balancing hormones should help sex drive and make one feel better and more balanced not the other way around.
On the other hand … I was in a relationship where the sex drive ratio was really imbalanced and it really traumatized me and hurt my self esteem. Even tho I was in love I now learned that matching sex drive is a huge important part of my connections and if it’s not it’s a deal breaker.
Well, he is probably embarassed and sad about his thing not working properly as well. It is a bad situation, but it’s nobody’s fault. It’s a medical condition and you should treat it like that. There are ways to improve this, but he should consult a doctor about this, since some medications don’t get along so well.
I’m in a similar situation, just no medicine to affect things. I’m very horny, my partner is not. It’s taken a lot of work (well, mainly me talking and accepting myself) to find what works, and hopefully some of it will be useful for you.
>I’m incredibly horny all the time and can’t shut it down. It’s on my mind all day.
I definitely felt like I had to tone my hornyness down as I didn’t want to pressure him or be annoying. But it’s absolutely not good for me to try and suppress it. My partner and I had some talks where I explained my fears and asked him to tell me if I ever made him feel bad. And that helped me let go a bit and just be me.
He’s been incredibly supportive of me being horny, it doesn’t bother him at all and he doesn’t feel like I’m demanding sex or annoying in any way. Sometimes he’ll tease me (in a loving way) and tell me I need a cold shower. If I need to get off I can tell him and he’ll give me alone time for that. He’s supportive of me having and using toys. Basically, he just wants me to be myself and be happy.
But that’s only part of it. Sex for me has also played a big role in feeling loved, so when we didn’t have sex for a while I wouldn’t really feel wanted or loved. Turns out I don’t actually need him to be horny for that, I just need him to touch me. Cuddles and kisses and head rubs and what have you all fill up that need for me.
There’s been a lot of dissecting my own needs and a lot of trusting him that he means what he says. It hasn’t been easy and I’ve been close to leaving a few times. I’ve also been in therapy for many years and saw a therapist to help me open up with my partner.
So all that said, it’s also completely okay to leave a relationship when you’re sexually incompatible. For me it’s been the right thing to stay (we dated once before long ago so I already tried the “leaving him” part and I hated that), for you it might or might not be. But if you do stay and want to try, my advice is open up to him about how you feel and let yourself be vulnerable with him. You need that if the relationship is going to last in the long run.
Get off the subs bro
Cialis?
It sounds like, and I say this with utmost kindness, like you both might want to see a sex therapist- you certainly need to, but he might want to as well though.
He may be desensitized to most sexual advances and so only gets off to blowjobs, or maybe he just really likes blowjobs and nothing else, or maybe he just has a low sex-drive. All of that is fine, but limiting, so he *might* want to go. But you’re crying over this, and there’s nothing wrong with crying but you’re in your own head way too much! That’s a lot of shame/guilt you need to work through with a professional. You’ll feel heaps better for it, I swear.
Sounds like you got a B-itch for a. BF
So get him on testosterone AND Cialis. Mine was low before and now I can stay hard for hours!
You trust him enough to be your boyfriend, right? Then you have to trust what he says and does. Have you tried talking to him about this? “Hey, sometimes I get in my head when I noticed only this one act gets you hard. Is there something else you’d want to try?”
Also keep in mind this is a HIM issue. Don’t make something he’s dealing with about you. It’s fine for you to be affected, to feel sad or horny all the time. Just don’t turn his issue into something else he has to deal with, that’s when it can get unhealthy.
Also also, some guys are just different. I’ve never been able to cum from oral. My girlfriend is AMAZING at it, it just doesn’t make me cum.
If u just clear your mind of all you misconspetions and trust him it can be very enjoyable.
It sounds like he has an oral fixation, I used to have this. Trust me, he finds you hot and is enjoying everything. I remember I used to love fingering and oral , but for some reason wasn’t able to enjoy PIV.
If this is about you feeling gross, please don’t. Maybe TMI, but personally, I’m not always hard when I finger but I’m still mentally very aroused, and I’m sure it’s the same for him. Just let him pleasure u how he wants to.
However if it’s a matter of sexual incompatibility, that might be a short term problem based on how things progress with his hormonal health.
You can cry on my chest. He wouldn’t mind
You think it hurts your self esteem, just imagine how he feels when his body doesn’t react the way he wants it to. Unfortunately a penis has a mind of it’s own. Most men have little control over what arouses them. Don’t take it personally and try and have empathy for him.
I have a feeling that some girls see our dicks as a window to our soul. If the thing gets hard, it does not mean that I want to bone. If it doesn’t, then it also doesn’t mean that I’m not in the mood, I might just be in my head.
I’d simply trust your bf; nothing good can come from doubting yourself. I don’t want to trivialize your feelings, I understand that it must suck. On the other hand, I once couldn’t get hard because I was struggling with a lot of stress. My ex turned this into a whole ordeal where she was weeping about how I wasn’t attracted to her anymore, and that really fucked everything for a few years.