I’m an entrepreneur (25, f) and basically I meet a lot of people and whenever I’ve met guys that I think are good to be friends with, they don’t want the same from me. They want to sleep with me or date me and it’s really disheartening sometimes.

I’ll give an example, I went for a badminton game with one of my girl friends and it’s an open event so maybe 4 other guys and another girl joined us. I was excited I like to have friendship groups and meet people. I knew one of the guys who invited us to the game and again he’s been slightly flirting with me, not too obvious and the other 3 were all again looking at me immediately like an opportunity when I met them. I’m wearing gym trousers and a normal top, nothing seductive.

Then the whole game all 4 of them are trying to shoot their shot at me in subtle ways that I’ve just become all familiar with. And because I’m friendly and kind, they somehow assume maybe things are progressing. During the whole game I’m getting to know everyone, we’re all talking and the conversations are normal but the eyes are the giveaway.

The guy that I do know was looking all bothered that the other guys were trying to flirt with me, and then the other guys were competing for my attention at the other times. Uncomfortable.

Then at the end of the evening we all part ways and when I get home I got a text from the 3 guys.
One: hey beautiful nice to meet you did you get home ok
2nd guy: hey wanna party with me tomorrow if you can keep up!
3rd guy: thanks for coming great fun with you etc!

Nothing from the 1st guy who actually invited me, who looked a bit annoyed at the game with the guys flirting.

It’s really uncomfortable as well knowing I’m just gonna disappoint them especially if I even flirt with one of them, who I have some interest in, and really I’d rather they just see me as a person and a potential new friend. It’s more fun that way.

This isn’t the first time, it happens a lot and yes I can take it as a compliment too but it’s really annoying because generally I want to just be kind supportive and have a friendship and their busy plotting against that, wanting more and they ruin genuine good intentions with their attempts to date me.

So maybe men have no interest in women unless it’s romantic? But I feel there’s women that have male friends too. And I also think if I can see them as people why do they not want to do the same.

7 comments

  2. They exist, guys who like to spend time with women. Most of my friends are women. I never flirt with them. Actually, I never date anyone from my area either. They are vivacious and crude and beautiful and interesting. You’ll find that tribe, just be patient, don’t despair, get out there, and be smart and funny and beautiful and interesting and everything you are. Sadly, some men won’t think above their buckle. I’d apologize for them. . . screw em. Take care and be well.

  3. It is normal for women to have difficulties making male friends. It isn’t that they don’t see us as humans like the other commenter said. I mean, there are some men who are misogynistic, but most men are just dealing with strong sexual attraction and find it difficult to tap into the platonic territory. Just the way it is.

  5. Like others here said, men are friends with women but I think we struggle with sexual attraction especially around our age group (20’s). I have recently stopped trying to be flirty and get dates because I want to work on being a good friend first with woman. Something that stuck with me is something I read on this sub where someone said “stop looking at woman as an object and view them for what they are, a regular human being developing a friendship will be much easier. So far I have had success at befriending woman at the dog park that I find attractive but don’t let those thoughts take over. Now with that being said, once I get to know some them after a while I realize I wouldn’t want to date this person or sleep with them and if my feelings grew stronger getting to know them than I would say something and if they didn’t feel the same I would be ok with that.

  6. I have quite a few male friends. And true, at some point I’m quite sure they would have slept with me but I never did, with any of them. But they remain my friends to this day because we have the same sense of humor. So you need to really have something in common at the end of the day.

  7. I have/had male friends and heres the thing –

    I would put all of then in 2 groups:

    1) the ones with whom i became friends out of circumstances such as: they were a friend of my ex, they dated my friend, they were my colleague, etc (so they never rly tried anything with me) and

    2) Who did like me at first, but since i wasn’t interested, they ended up being cool with being friends…or it just so happened to be the case.

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