So I (M20) am currently with my partner (F22) in a relationship for 2 years. And I am the only one who starts the Sex or tries to start it but most of the time she doesn’t want to have sex with me.
I talked to her about it and she always says she can understand it, that its so frustrating for me and that I tend more to see her more as a ,,hook up friend’’ then a real partner.
After that she always says, oh I don’t know what to do about it, my sex drive is so low and so on. And I always tell her what she can do about it like regular sports, eating healthy, get out into the sun and get some vitamin D. Those are very important factors when it comes to libido and the sex hormones.
After that I always hear from her, oh that is so not true, that like sports, vitamin D, eating healthy impacts you libido and your sex drive.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. My POV is if she really wanted to change something, like things that would help our sex live, like sports and all the other points that I spoke before. As much as I love her I just see her more and more as a ,,casual sex friend’’ then as my partner and its quite sad for me.
So I started to be on Dating platforms again (even tho I am still in a relationship with her) cause I don’t know what to do anymore. We are going to be long distance in a month after 2yrs, so Its really sad and frustrating for me cause I am trying to have some intimacy with her before she leaves. But its not in her interest.
I don’t know how long this is gonna last 🙁
15 comments
You’re only 20, it’s not like you’re married. Move on.
If you’re going to break up with her, and it sounds like a good idea, do the honourable thing and make and clean proper break before she leaves. Don’t just drag it out and make a nightmare of it.
If you feel unloved not having sex when she’s there presumably long distance will be 5x harder?
Your young. Go out and experiment and experience life. If she is not into it and you are it’s bad sexual chemistry. It will harm your relationship if you continue force it.
This relationship isn’t sustainable. You have incompatible sex drives. You want her to change in a way that she is unable to change, because there’s only so much one can do with one’s body. You can’t order new parts from Amazon. You’re not a bad guy for wanting more sex–but think about it–you are as little able to make her have a higher sex drive as you are able to give yourself a lower sex drive, right? So both of you should stop having unrealistic expectations for change. Break up and just be friends and then each of you can find someone you’re more sexually compatible with.
It won’t last. Sexual fulfillment is a key factor in a healthy and happy relationship for most people, so right now you need to ask yourself if this is how you want your life to be indefinitely. I assume the answer will be no, but if you stay she’s not going to magically transform into a horny cockmonster. So if you have truly exhausted all possible remedies you need to make the decision between sexual frustration and finding somebody more compatible. Many have tried to stay with somebody they aren’t a sex match with and all have failed.
Sexual compatibilty is highly important. You are young and you have plenty of time to explore. Sounds like u have already checked out of your relationship.. unless u guys determine to open up your relationship, you could consider whether or not u can continue to live like this over the long term..especially after u have attempted to address the issue multiple times.
You are young and you say you see her as more of a fuck buddy than a relationship partner. If you only want sex and you aren’t getting it as much as you want, why are you sticking around?
Be honest with her and move on. Make it easier on you both.
When I was in my late twenties, I used to be that girlfriend who didn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend after a few years together, and I saw how much it negatively affected him and our relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him or that I wasn’t attracted to him. The sexual chemistry just faded, and I think it has a lot to do with long-term compatibility. I know it’s hard to leave a partnership, and you want to hold on to the attachment, but it might be best to move on, especially if you’re already patronizing the dating sites. If it helps, the ex-boyfriend and I have remained best friends since our breakup 15 years ago. Maybe it will be the same for you.
you should break up with her before you start sleeping with other people.
Don’t waste your 20’s without sex because you were shamed into it
Don’t cheat. Be an adult and end the relationship. Anyone would say that your far to young to be in a sexless relationship but once you cheat you become the AH and her low libido doesn’t justify that.
Don’t cheat. Break up with her first.
Yea I would just leave her already. If a woman don’t want to have sex with me and I am in a relationship and she is fully healthy, to me that says what I need to know from her actions. I get she dont want to feel like a fwb thing but if we both agree we are in a relationship ( bf and gf) and she agrees we are, what harm will sex have? It should have none unless she just don’t find me attractive sexually anymore. If she feels that way why don’t she leave you? It’s like she is just keeping you around when only she wants sex, and to me that in unacceptable and I have my own standards. I get if she don’t want it all the time, no problem, but after a while of none I will grow apart from her. That is just me but good luck, also a distance relationship to me means we are done depending on how long she will be gone for.
This is almost unbelievable. I’m afraid in a year we are going to see a tearful post about how gf of two years wouldn’t have sex but op found out she was being spit roasted twice a week after she moved away. Just twists the knife.
Dude you need to just end it now. It won’t get better. She has no sex drive and she is happy that way.
I don’t know why people don’t put importance on sexual compatibility. It’s not just something you can sweep under the rug. Both sides will be miserable in a mismatch. Look, you are already full on in cheating mode. Don’t do that bro. Just break up and move on.