I should preface this by saying we’ve only had sex a few times.
It’s been a couple years since I’ve been intimate with someone, so when we were about to have sex for the first time, I asked her about the things she liked so I had a bit of an outline of what would be best to do with her. I also encouraged her guide and correct me as much as she would like to, as sex is best for me when I know that I’m giving my partner a good time.
The thing is, what she says she likes and her reactions during sex are a little difficult for me to believe. Her response to me asking what she likes sounded a bit like she was trying to meet the expectations of a man who watches a lot of porn: initially she said she likes having sex in different positions (especially doggy) and giving oral. When I asked if she liked receiving oral, she said she hadn’t gotten much out of it in the past, but I pushed a little bit and she said that might be due to a former partner making her feel like it was an obligation to him rather than something he wanted to do for her.
Now I know that communication is important during sex. But I don’t think my problem is initiating communication with her. It’s that I don’t know if I buy what she claims when I am comminicating with her. After having sex for a while, we were laying together and taking a break, and I again asked her if there was anything, no matter how odd or weird she might think I would think it is, that I could do for her. I told her that if vaginal intercourse didn’t do it for her, we didn’t have to do that at all. And again she said the same couple things. I very directly told her that she can be selfish with her requests, but she just seemed to laugh that off and didn’t really respond.
To add on to my confusion, she appears to climax while we are having sex, but I have no idea how to determine whether she is actually having an orgasm or is faking it for me. She’s definitely wet and leaves a lot of discharge(?) on me when she’s on top, and there seems to be some consistency in the sensations that I feel when she appears to climax, but I can’t tell if they are real or not. I’m particularly skeptical because I know that the vast majority of women do not reach orgasm during penetrative sex, and I’m not under the illusion that I have some magic dick that does what most other dicks can’t do. I’ve also asked her what she does when she masturbates, and she told me that she does clitoral stimulation, which makes me even more skeptical. I do my best to give her some surface area on my body to rub her clit on while we are having sex and she seems to respond to that, but again I don’t know if her orgasms are real or not.
I suppose I’m looking for advice on how to go about talking about these things with her. I think the sex is good, but I worry that pushing her on these things could, among other things, make her feel like she isn’t doing well enough. I want to make her feel as good as I possibly can, but I also don’t want to push her to do things that I think could make her feel good that she isn’t comfortable with. For example, I really want to work with her on trying to give her oral as I figure with some practice and direction from her, she would probably enjoy it a lot. However, I could be wrong about that and I don’t want to push her to do something she doesn’t actually want to do. She might be completely truthful regarding what she likes during sex, but it just seems unlikely due to it seemingly catering to a very stereotypical porn-watching man.
TLDR kind of; I think I really like this woman and I want to do everything I can to make our sex as good as possible for her, but I don’t know if she’s being honest when I try to communicate with her. I don’t want to accuse her of lying or faking orgasms, so addressing it any further feels like threading an incredibly small needle or something.
I would really appreciate any outside perspective on this in addition to any advice on how to go about bringing this up with her again.
6 comments
If shes having orgasms, if you stop moving you can feel the contractions on your dick.
You’re projecting what you think her expectations and desires should be on to her. You asked, she answered, believe her. Nothing you stated seems like she wasn’t being honest with you.
You’ve asked her what she wants. She’s told you. You can leave her if your imagination tells you she’s lying about trivia, or you can be a paranoid manipulative and turn her into a partner who absolutely distrusts you. Or you can just believe her. Be decent.
It takes time to build trust. You don’t need to figure out her whole body right away. Enjoy the journey.
Maybe you’ve read to much Reddit and projecting your expectations of what she wants instead of listening to what she has said?
You’re overthinking it. Relax.