We were planning to move in together for a few months now. I got approved for a mortgage and found a nice house I like. My bf is busy a lot with work and doesn’t have a lot of time to see me. He constantly assured me that he was wanting to move in together and even confirmed it the day I closed on the house. I never would’ve closed on the house if he’d told me the truth.
He is now saying that it’s a large change and he isn’t sure he’s ready for that kind of commitment. That I can understand, I still picture my future with him and want to grow closer. If that means waiting, then I can wait, I think he’s the one.
The issue is that he can’t picture the future, with or without me. And he said that he wants to invest into starting a car shop with his roommates in their barn. He’s not great with money, which is another reason I wanted to move in with him. We’re partners, and I want to help him through our struggles as a team so we can tackle the problems life throws at us.
So he had a plan, and didn’t tell me. If he starts this shop with his roommates, he will have even less time to see me, which makes me scared. I want him to follow his dream and be happy, but it seems like his dream includes drifting away from me. How will we get closer if he spends more time working and even less time seeing or talking to me.
He also said that he did love me last night, “did” being past tense. I don’t know how to take this. I’m still so in love with him and I point blank asked him if he was breaking up with me today, and he said “I don’t know”.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to push him away, he deserves to be happy. But I want to be happy too, and that would include him moving in with me at least at some point. And I don’t think I can afford this house by myself so this is all terrifying.
I stopped replying to his messages today to avoid being rash and emotional. I don’t want to say anything I don’t mean. Is this the right thing to do? I want to wait until he has a chance to talk to his therapist before I put any additional pressure on him, but it sucks being in a state of limbo. I want him to be a part of my life. If he leaves me, that is his choice, and he’s entitled to make it. What can I do to make staying together seem more beneficial to him. I want to keep him in my life if I can.
TL;DR! Boyfriend doesn’t want to move in with me anymore, and might leave me. I’m terrified about all of this and don’t know how I’ll pay for the house by myself.
2 comments
I’m confused. Did you two go house searching together? Why do your say it’s a house you like, and not that he likes? Did you both discuss how much he would want to live there specifically and how he would move in and what he would he paying?
Did you ask him why he said he “did” love you?
I think he changed his mind about moving in with you and instead of telling you like a grownup, he’s hoping that you will break up with him over it. I’m sorry.