Women, how long did it take you to fall out love with your ex? Months? Years?

22 comments

1. I “fell out of love” with them long before the relationships officially ended. By the time the relationships ended, I was long since over them.

2. months maybe a year before we broke up , i just felt myself upset with his little white lies and i felt always aggravated when he was around but i thought it was just me so i’d blame myself until i realized it’s not me it’s him and i can’t do it anymore

3. Probably a year to six months, before I worked out what was going on and ended the relationship. There were some complicated feelings afterwards too – I still cared a great deal, and was truly sorry to hurt him like that, because for all he wasn’t right for me, he was also a decent guy – but the romantic/sexual kind of love had been gone for some time by then.

   Four months after I ended things I met someone else I was interested in, and three months after that, we got together. That was November 2009. We’re still very happily together.

   I would have been happy to stay friends with my ex (after we both took some space and time to sort ourselves out), but that wasn’t right for him, and I respect that.

4. I keep loving people, but the distance helps me realize that we are healthier apart.

5. Depends which one we are talking about. My “first love” probably took me a year or two to get over after the breakup. My first “real” love took me *years*. It was agonizing. We broke up 10 years ago and I still wonder how things would be if we were still together. Some of the others, I’m not sure I ever really loved at all.

6. i move on steadily, but a part of me will always love them.

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8. The longest was 5 years. And it was only after he came out that he’s gay.

9. 4 years in, but I stayed for 6.

   He was terrible to me, and due to our age gap (21 & 34) when we got together I was easy prey. He groomed me into doing sexual shit for him. Like sleeping with other men and recording it for him. Random people. He’d harass me over it if I said no. It got so bad one time, that’s all he would talk about. If I mentioned anything else, he’d blow up on me. He made a tinder of me without my permission in order to find guys to bring over.

   One time I literally was packing my shit up to leave and the whole time he was behind me pouting like a child still wanting me to do it. Didn’t give a fuck that I was leaving. Wasn’t begging me to stay. Nothing. I finally started standing up for myself and after year 4 I never did it again. I made way more money than him, he’d overdraft his bank so far in the red that I’d have to bail him out.

   I’d had enough. So the last two years, he knew better and left me alone. We were more like roommates. It was way cheaper for me to stay there (not officially broken up) and I figured since he knew I was in charge now, he’d just go with it bc it was cheaper on him too. If I moved out, he knew he’d be stuck with all of the bills.

   Looking back, I honestly never really loved him. It was like a Stockholm syndrome, if anything. Literally groomed me. When I finally left, I didn’t even cry lol.

   It was so easy to leave.
   Thank god I got out of that one.

10. I dated him for 2.5 years.

    It took me 1.5 years to fully get over the relationship. I went to therapy and learned a lot on toxic relationships from Tiktok and self-help books.

11. With my daughter’s dad it took literally 3 years. I only moved on once I fell in love with someone else. He ghosted me and my daughter while I was pregnant. (still hasn’t met her almost 6 years later). He left me for someone else and they’re still together. But omg I can’t believe I was so heartbroken over him. Like I genuinely do not care at allllllll now and wonder how I was so hurt over him. I have talked to him a few times over the years and I feel absolutely nothing. I would’ve had a boring and miserable life with him lol.

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13. 2 big exes- first one took years, 3 or 4 years. Second one.. I loved in that I cares a lot about them and respected them, but never felt ‘in love’ with them.

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15. from my experience falling out of love was a process ongoing for almost 2 yrs. Insecurity, doubts, questions, infidelity… bigger issue was the separation.

16. Waay too long before breakup! After breakup I felt like I got out of hell itself and catapulted right into VIP section of heaven :))

    Took me around 5 days to completely move on and forget about them

17. I’ve not felt right for 2 years.

    Realised what it was, after thinking it was me, I was slowly detaching.

    We’ve been separated since July, but still live together at the moment. Child involved.

18. It was a slow burn for me – about 2 years of neglect and alcoholism left me feeling resentful, then it took about a year for me to finally let go before I left.

19. I got my heart broken in January of this year and it’s probably only been the last month or so that I’ve been able to accept that I’m no longer in love with him. So, 8-9 months.

    But that is with consistent no contact (haven’t spoken or seen him since January, my decision), not checking up with friends or talking about him, not checking social media. Totally cold turkey over night and have kept it up this whole time.

    I imagine if we were still seeing each other or speaking, it would’ve taken longer.

    He actually did reach out earlier this year to be friends, but I knew I wasn’t ready yet so I politely said no. Haven’t heard from him since. And I don’t intend on reaching out.

20. Depends on the length. 2 years for a 6 year relationship. A month for others. A week for one.

    It depends on the intensity too

21. I am in a committed and domestic relationship now, but I have two “real” exes:

    My high school sweetheart of three years was (and still is) literally a sweetheart, so I still have so much love for him as a friend. But I slowly fell out of love during the last year of our relationship. It has been 11 years since we broke up due to us moving to different cities after high school. I wish him all the best with his wonderful girlfriend (going on 10 years).

    My boyfriend at the university was anything but a sweetheart. He was a flirt during our two years together, and ended up cheating. It took me three years to mend my heart completely after that, and I wish him nothing but a crappy life.

22. If I’m being honest, I checked out probably 2 years before I actually had the strength to leave. I always felt like it was me that was the problem. He often made me feel that way.