My husband whom I love will not have sex with me. 35yo f, married to 36 yo M. I’m a 7/10 most days and 8-9/10 on my sexy days. I exercise 3-4 times a week & I have an athletic body with a donk decent enough to grab. I have a very good career and make a healthy amount of money. I take care of him & his needs with everything except for cooking. I’ve considered a couple of reasons: busy with school/work, he is not into me anymore, my sex sucks, he’s into someone else, he’s just tired. I’ve discussed this for ~1 year, multiple conversations concerning this and he insist it’s none of these reasons. I do have lengthy menses lasting 10-14 days/spotting for ~6-9 days. And he’s mentioned that his only problem is having intercourse during menses. But things are not adding up as there are 14 more days of the month. And in the past, he’s not made any big deal about intercourse with spotting. It’s a approaching 1 year of this rare sex business and I’m about over it… cheating has crossed my mind. Pls men..women out there help me!
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Honestly? If it was me I’d be cheating as often as I needed to. You’re in your sexual prime, Hun and with how you describe yourself? Personally I wouldn’t want to ever pull out of you let alone stop fucking you
Don’t cheat
Put your foot down, discuss that it’s either sex or divorce. Don’t let him gaslight that “it’s just sex” sex is a huge thing
If there is no way he agrees, ask him to open the marriage
He needs to be honest with you but he’s doing the dude thing of being scared to open up and doesn’t want to come off as weak and/or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. You should really make him aware that it hurts much worse to drag this confusion out than it would be to just be honest about the problem, whatever it may be. He also needs to realize that the relationship will die if sexual needs are not being met and that’s not a guess, it’s a fact. Imagine feeling the frustration you feel now indefinitely. You will grow to resent him and his inaction and unwillingness to communicate and it will be over.
In all reality, it could be anything, but it may not be you at all. I’ll admit, as a 39/M, my drive has died during the last couple years. Between work stressing me out, my unhappiness with my own self, and just life in general, after being married 15 years myself, sex just isn’t on the mind as much.
I’d rather spend time relaxing and cuddling with my wife than having sex. When it does happen, it means more then too.
That was a refreshing therapy session. Even to the one who suggested cheating…thanks for the validation of my feelings. You had me on that, ‘yeah fck that’ moment for a second. Thanks for all the advice! Hoping there’s a transformation soon. Not sure I can learn to settle wo sex but I’ve done hard things b4…(pun intended)
It sounds like you have yourself in order. But what kind of response are you hoping for with only your half the story given. Art best you’re only going to get people affirming that it sucks for you.
Can you give more information? Preferably about him? Has he gained weight? Increased stress? Experienced any loss? Any health issues?
He said said it was none of the reasons you considered. But did he give a counter perspective on what it could be?
I get the vibe that you’re the “up front, in your face, confident” type. Has it always been this way? A thought that comes to mind is, have you had a significant increase in salary? Or did you earn less than him, but now earn more?
I ask all of this because my brain is telling me that he might be feeling emasculated. If so, it could be messing with his libido. Maybe look into that possibility?
Something is obviously going on. Perhaps there’s things he’s ashamed to ask for in the bedroom? Ask him what he would like and let him know that absolutely anything is up for consideration.
My wife and I were in a similar spot a couple of years ago. She finally got it out of me that I would like to pull out and cum on her tits or in her mouth occasionally. She’s been down with that and our sex life has taken off.
It doesn’t have to mean spanking and sex swings, but there might be something he wants. That he’s masturbating to rather than asking for.
Have you considered couples therapy?
Maybe a sex therapist could help the two of you get your sex life revived. The current situation is not healthy.
Are there any other changes in his behaviour apart from not wanting to have sex?
It’s only dead if you stay with a dud
Its time for some tough conversations l you deserve to feel desired and have sex. Life’s too short to waste it in a relationship thats not fulfilling your needs and sex is an important part of that. Pretty sure you will have no difficulties finding new partners given your descriptions.
r/DeadBedrooms
He may be having testosterone/ED issues and doesn’t know how to talk to you about it. I got diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago but struggled in bed for months before. No issues anymore. Steady testosterone pills and exercise. But I went from literally hounding my wife for sex daily (multiple times if we were off work) to not wanting to cuz I couldn’t perform.
Have you discussed couples therapy?