How do I be a nice stranger while prioritizing my safety as a woman walking alone at night?
I can’t 100% avoid walking alone at night. I’m an independent woman sometimes I have to walk alone at night okay??? This is my Earth too!!!
So when it comes to walking past a man or a group of men, what’s the best body language tactic? Especially when they’re staring at you?
Do I avoid eye contact the whole time? Do I assert dominance with eye contact? Can I smile? What about when a man sits next to me on the bus do I pretend he doesn’t exist? What should my facial expression say to increase my safety?
Yes I’m overthinking this, but also I don’t know how to act as a young woman in this scary world it’s dangerous out here pls help me
16 comments
As a woman, it’s important to trust your instincts and be aware of your surroundings
Maintaining confident body language, avoiding prolonged eye contact, and using a neutral facial expression can help you feel more secure while walking alone at night
Stay safe!
It’s important to stay aware of your surroundings and trust your instincts
Maintaining confident body language, avoiding prolonged eye contact, and utilizing headphones or a phone conversation can help deter unwanted attention while walking alone at night
Trust yourself and prioritize your safety above all else
Stay empowered!
Maintaining eye contact and smiling is usually an invitation to talk to you. Unless that’s what you want, it’s best to avoid prolonged eye contact. Being aware of your surroundings is equally important. Learn to quickly scan around you, you can even look someone in the eyes but don’t linger. Continue briefly pausing your gaze on people and objects. That way you don’t look like you were intimidated and averted your eyes, rather you are busy scanning, and that means you’re alert.
This kind of varies by location as well. For example- In my hometown it is just polite to acknowledge with a smile or a nod someone you are crossing paths with when walking somewhere. However in some other cities that same smile or nod is considered an invitation to talk or that you are interested.
I travel a lot so I tend to people watch to get the basic social cues of that particular place. Though I’ve found it is pretty universal prolonged eye contact never asserts dominance- it is pretty universally seen as a “welcome to talk to me” body language cue.
Everything the others have said.
I want to add that universally the mindset of “i want to get from A to B and i am going to get there quick” will have your body language make you dissappear for the most part. You will naturally walk fast but not hectic, scan your surroundings but not look fearful. Eye contact will be brief and not overbearing and your eyes will stay mostly on the road ahead signaling you dont want to be bothered.
You can try it during the day to see how fast you can get through a crowd of people if you need to.
Trust your gut and stay safe!
You say that this is your Earth too, so own it. Walk with purpose, eyes level don’t look at the sidewalk. Not everyone is a predator, but if you walk like prey, you’ll pick up a jackal. If my advice fails, stick out your bottom jaw, cross your eyes, and furrow your eyebrows. Last piece of advice, learn jujitsu or pick up kickboxing. You’ll feel great and be prepared.
I get where you are coming from. I’m not in a safe place myself so it can be nerve wracking. I’m not perfect at being confident around others but sometimes pulling my shoulders back and straightening my back helps me feel safer.
First of all get out of the mindset of being a “nice stranger” while walking alone at night! Women often put themselves in danger due to the default of wanting to appear “nice.” (That’s how someone got raped in the ground floor gym of an apartment building. She let someone in because he ‘forgot his key card’ and she happened to be alone in the gym and got sexually assaulted in the bathroom) Anyway!
You don’t want to be a target. Don’t be smiling and making eye contact at night. During the day or in a crowd, sure. Not at night and not alone. Also don’t put your safety in someone else’s hands. If someone creeps you out, don’t step onto an elevator with them. (I have gotten OFF an elevator when someone who gave me a bad vibe stepped on.)
Read ‘the Gift of Fear’ by Gavin DeBecker. Follow your gut!
As a teen, I found it immensely helpful to be stone faced, standoffish, and when randomly offered a ride (because God forbid you get some steps in during the day in America – that’s just asking to be kidnapped apparently), I made the nastiest, most uppity stink face I could muster, give them a disgusted look, say nothing and keep walking. This always worked for me – perhaps it communicated that I would never succumb without a fight and I know most men who hurt women are massive cowards who flee at the first sign of resistance, I don’t know what it was, but it worked. With catcalling, I just stay stone faced, like an emotionless sociopath and keep it moving. They get a kick out of scaring/disgusting you. If a guy got angry because I ignored him, I’d keep ignoring him, I’d pretend to be headed inside somewhere if he started following me or lose him in the crowd if that’s where I happened to be. I got followed on the Metro once and made a run for it at a crowded stop. With that last one, I wouldn’t have realized what was happening if I wasn’t aware of my surroundings though, so that’s always important
Do NOT smile. Smiling is like shining a flashlight/torch in a buggy area. The men will swarm you. If you feel like you must show amenableness for your safety you make a short, toothless/lip only, quick half smile with averted eye contact but you also have to be careful that you avert eyecontact to look at something else with purpose and dont just look away or you seem like you are being coy. The same as dogs are all former wolves at heart even though its hard to see it in your YorkiePoo, men are descended from highly aggressive predatory apes and a few of them seem to have missed the memo on evolving. Keep your posture alert and fairly strong. Honestly, nothing much will stop the actual predators but there are a lot of mild harassers who will back off at any sense that you’re going to stand up to them so when necessary straighten your posture like you are willing to fight, glare, etc. Generally in cities you don’t talk to anyone on public transportation. Your entire friendly stranger concept is just not a thing. You shouldn’t be friendly, you should be polite and the difference is moving out of peoples way, giving up your seat for the injured, etc. not scowling or being nasty to random men who did nothing wrong.. it doesnt sound like any of that would ever even occur to you to do anyway so that will take no effort.
“I can’t 100% avoid walking alone at night. I’m an independent woman sometimes I have to walk alone at night okay??? This is my Earth too!!!’
“Yes I’m overthinking this, but also I don’t know how to act as a young woman in this scary world it’s dangerous out here pls help me”
Holy hell, quit social media and touch some grass. I understand being afraid but this is straight up paranoia and you fighting an imaginary enemy that is blocking you from going out alone at night.
“This is my Earth too!!!'” like no shit.
Take a breather. All you have to do is skip sketchy places at night even if that makes your commute a little longer. It’s not something reserved to women either, I myself try to go to the safest routes when going out at night and men are more likely to be attacked at night so that is that.
All you have to do is go your own way, no eye contact, no strange shitty online ”body language tactic that will make attackers fear you like they fear batman”. I don’t know what earth you are living on but nobody normal cares about body language when walking. We all have shit to do/places to go.
I think most times not bringing any type of attention to yourself helps, when walking look ahead and not directly at anyone, want to seem confident and not interested in anything at the moment. Sometimes I’ll try to seem like I’m in a hurry if I’m in a more public place with more people but when theres a group of guys in a more secluded area I sometimes try to seem pissed off so they don’t even try to say anything and if they do I pretend I don’t speak English and be more nice.
I’m a big fan of the smile-and-nod, then go back to just looking ahead or at your phone or whatever. But if they’re staring at ya the whole time that’s a bit creepy – if they’re staring at you during the whole lead-up to when your paths meet, maybe cross to the other side of the street 🤷♂️
Eyes straight ahead don’t speak unless politely approached and even then don’t be alone with anyone you don’t know and trust. A
Always carry a stap(knife), tazer or mace. But learn to use it and never give a warning that you have it.
Don’t get raped just to polite. Its not social awkwardness it’s the sad fact that women are seen as prey to some people.
Walk like you belong there. Don’t stare them down, but don’t avoid looking at them either. Treat them like a tree or a sign: you see them there, but they don’t matter to your evening.
**WHY do you want to be a nice stranger at night?!??!!**
NO! You can be nice to women and kids and men in safe settings (public with lots of people around, daylight, or you’re in a group yourself). Alone at night is NOT a setting to be “nice” anymore. It’s not a situation for chit-chat. You leave each other alone.
My most successful tactic to fend off creepy men is just pretend they’re air, even if they stare at you. I try to be a boring thorougly uninviting person. I have a slightly bored, nearly depressed or aggressive look. NO smiling AT ALL. Stone face. Only look at where you want to go. Walk quick and brisk, but not hurriedly.
I find that “stone face” is THE most useful thing to fend off guys at all. It’s thoroughly disinviting.
**Men greeting you at night when you’re alone on the streets is rude as fuck anyway, they’re supposed to know this is not a setting women are comfortable in so you’re NOT rude for not engaging!!**
(This goes for most cities I think. If you’re in a very small provincial town, people might greet each other in the evening no matter their gender.)
The two huge nos are smiling, and ANY eye contact except for a glance. Have an inner attitude of “fuck you”. They are NOT entitled your time. FORGET your manners. Be a **rude fed-up pissed off person in a hurry**.
If a man or group of men just want an advice or direction they’ll approach me in a careful meek way with a slightly helpless look on their face and say “excuse me” and maybe hold their phone in their hand with a questioning look. The difference is so clear to me that I feel confident in trying to help out in this case. But usually that only happens in a public setting with other people around.