I have a friend who is super attached to me and for a long while last year I was going along with it (Because i’m a people pleaser and she was also still a new friend so I felt awkward being curt with her), but unfortunately, that led her to a place where she’s gotten too comfortable and will text me all the time (she never wants the conversation to end), thinks she has access, therefore disregard to my private life information, and just gets overly involved with little aspects of my life. Sometimes she’ll mirror what I say, and she’s also gotten so comfortable to the point where she can be a bit disrespectful in the way she talks (she’ll assert this weird sense of dominance in her tone, like she wants to be the one in control). It makes me uncomfortable, but I understand that the reason this is happening is because I didn’t set boundaries with her when I met her last year and thereafter. So while I could put all the blame on her not having good social cues, I also have to put blame on myself for not doing that.
I should also mention that she has a very type A personality, and I am very soft-spoken, passive personality. So I’m basically a magnet who attracts strong personalities.
Basically the question I have is, how do I set boundaries? Even if I’m in too deep at this point…
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TL;DR! : I am a people pleaser with easy going personality. A friend with a strong personality doesn’t understand that I have a need for space and boundaries and has been dominating of my time and energy and borderline obsessive/disrespectful at times. How do I set boundaries even if it is late and how do I avoid this situation in the future?
2 comments
You take your space. You can ignore her messages, you can directly say “who told you that I’d allow you to talk to me like that?” Be direct and don’t make it a conversation.
1) You don’t have to take her calls or promptly respond to her texts 100% of the time.
2) When she gets over assertive, respond with “I would appreciate it if…” and then specify the thing that she’s doing that’s annoying. IE: “I would appreciate if you’d let me decide.”
3) Don’t let someone else’s crazy be your crazy. If someone acts upset and escalates emotions, avoid the temptation to match and instead keep your cool. “I understand that what you’re saying comes from a place of caring, but it would be dishonest of me to accept behavior that I’m not comfortable with.”