My (30M) GF (35F) wants space after an argument
It wasn’t a bad argument, just I fucked up and said something I shouldn’t have. Essentially my ex’s name got dropped into the conversation by mistake. And I got angry at myself for it. I tend to always feel like I am on the ejector seat. I have a lot of anxiety. I feel it’s easy to drop me.
She interpreted it as anger as toward her. I tried to apologise and assure her it wasn’t. It was like stubbing my toe and going “fuck” it wasn’t directed at her, it was me being angry at myself. I tried explaining this.
Now she wants space.
She got pissed off at me for falling asleep and sleeping in late the other day and wanted to not talk then for a bit also, as if I’d done something wrong and frankly I’m still a bit sore from that, so my anxiety is up to begin with.
And I understand it may be irrational but I feel like the space is a prelude to a dear John letter. Like it’s very easy to drop someone today. It’s very easy to drop me.
Both of us have BPD. So it’s hard.
3 comments
You give her space and get into therapy to a) manage your emotions without anger and b) manage your anxiety when she needs space without catastrophising that she’s leaving you forever.
1. *”It wasn’t directed at her, it was me being angry at myself”*- Doesn’t matter, she was the one who experienced the brunt of your anger. You need to take full responsibility over your actions and apologise.
2. *”Now she wants space”*- so give her some. Leave the house for a while, let her be in a room by herself (Etc).
3. *”Both of us have BPD. So it’s hard”*- Are you both taking medication for your conditions, or is this relationship just a mess of untreated BPD playing out?
4. *” I fucked up and said something I shouldn’t have”*- You can’t begin to take responsibility and begin to fix this until you acknowledge in full what you did towards her (don’t skirt around it) and why it was wrong, no excuses.
The BPD really complicates things, proud of y’all for working on it