Husband’s friends have dropped him over me. HELP!!

50 comments

1. Why would you continue to engage?

   From the above, you and your husband have operated in a normal & healthy manner.

   While friendships ending is hard, its extremely alarming that normal requests for consideration and decisions based on budget turned into this narrative for them.

   It is normal as people come into different seasons of adulthood that certain relationships are no longer compatible.

   Find friendships with people who don’t take offence to reasonable requests and budget friendly decisions.

2. >Husband’s friends think I am controlling.
   >
   >some of the things that were said was that I was “controlling”,“using him for financial gain”, and “he was whipped(?)”.

   If this is ACTUALLY what they thought, then they would have approached this situation completely differently.

   “Hey Alex, we’re glad you’re here alone, there’s something serious we wanted to talk to you about. It’s tough to bring this up, but we’re really concerned about your relationship with OP. We’ve noticed you haven’t hung out with us as much since you married her, and we’re worried that she’s actually preventing you from maintaining your old friendships. Are you okay?

   This isn’t what they did. What’s *actuall*y going on is “We’re angry you’re no longer Member #3 of our relationship and that the dynamic has changed.”

   Mature and reasonable people understand that the progression of life means priorities change. Sure, maybe once upon a time, your husband would have been comfortable letting random people rock up to an event he was hosting, but it was completely unreasonable for this couple to decide “hey, would *you* [you two specifically] like to join us in our private room” means “feel free to extend this invitation to random people we haven’t met before.” It is unreasonable of them to interpret “hmm, Mr Newly-Married has been pretty busy in the 6 months immediately following his wedding,” as a personal attack on them.

   Some people are true friends who will love you regardless of what changes in your life. Others are friends who love you when you’re available for them in the ways that suit them. It sounds like these guys were of the latter quality, not the first.

   There’s no point in you reaching out to them – you didn’t create the problem, and these guys would *only* be satisfied if they could resume their roles of Most Important People in Husband’s Life, over his wife and child. Your husband will be sad as he recalibrates his mental image of these people in his mind, but it will get easier with time.

3. This isn’t really them dropping him over “you”. It’s happened because they are “hot headed” (as he puts it), he’s been busy, has matured (presumably), and they are obviously not great or supportive friends if they are thinking and saying what they said. The fact he was even concerned to raise it in the first plce is a huge red flag.

   DO NOT reach out to the couple. DO speak to your husband and see how he is feeling, what support he might need, etc. Check in if there’s any specific things they said that have raised concerns with him and if you should talk about it because you want to make sure that you’re on good ground together. If he wants to try and mend the relationship, then you can support him in that. However, supporting him doesn’t mean you shouldn’t BOTH be recognising that they need to change their behaviour if this is going to be healthy.

4. No don’t reach out. They aren’t good friends. This proves it. On another note it doesn’t absolve your husband of poor designs. Choosing a wedding and while drinking to bring it up. It was someone else’s wedding day bringing up an issue you strongly suspect is going to cause drama was horrible. Then to do it while drinking wasn’t smart either.

5. Yeah, use of the word “whipped” has a lot of gendered connotations that kinda raises an eyebrow for me. As does them being “hot headed”. Unless you’re leaving out important context about your relationship, tt really sounds like they’re just used to getting their way and having your husband go along with it and now they don’t see that happening anymore.

   Unfortunately, it’s not that uncommon to be a 20-something and something like this happens and you realize the friends you’ve had for a decade or more are actually kinda awful adults. And it’s really sad, to lose a friendship, but being in a toxic friendship is also sad.

6. Why would you reach out to people who have labeled you a controlling abuser?

7. Sounds like they just wanted someone to blame for a friendship that was already drifting apart all on its own.

8. Stop calling them his friends. They aren’t! Acquaintances at most.

   The relationship with them has come to an end. Move forward together and make new friendships for this time in your lives. These people have exited the building and are frankly no loss:

9. It’s unfortunate, but they already made up their mind about you. It seems weird that they’d assume it’s you without talking to your husband first though.

   If they’re going to be that way, just stay by your husband’s side while he tries to move on. No point in trying to convince people that have their mind made up.

10. So what I see as the true issue on your side is that you got married and fell off the face of the earth. Also your (as a couple) communication is poor.

    You or husband in the best case scenario would have addressed the extra invited people as soon as it came up. You/husband could still check in with friends even if you are busy/tired.

    No- YOU are not controlling or the issue but when husband just said no to social outings and doesn’t make any other effort to spend time together he left the reasons to the friends’ imagination. The issue on their side is that they don’t seem open to hearing the real reason behind his absence. Its hurtful when a friend doesn’t make an effort to see people they are or were close to. Your husband could have made an offer to spend social time with them in a non-bar setting. Or if that’s their jam then budget for 2 drinks and go but don’t overspend.

    So unpopular opinion but these behaviors ARE personal. You/husband have chosen to prioritize work schedule/budgeting over spending any time with friends. That’s hurtful from the friend’s side. It doesn’t have to be all or none in relationships. No- they didn’t handle it well but they aren’t the only ones who misstep here.

11. They don’t deserve your friendship. You and your husband seem like solid and mature people and you have your life together. Be there for each other, anyone else can frigg off.

12. This is a “them” problem. Help your husband understand he didn’t do anything wrong, but beyond that there’s nothing you can do

13. Don’t look for affirmation from people who behave like this.

14. I’m wondering OP, before you came along did your husband pay for lots of things for them? It’s very interesting that they felt entitled to invite another couple to a hotel room you invited them to in the first place. I suspect they did things like this with your husband in the past. You personally are not the issue, the issue is THEY can no longer use him for THEIR financial gain.

15. I think put in the time and effort into creating other activities and friendships with people that are actually nice.

16. This sounds so misogynistic of them — people love to hate on women and blame them. Do not contact this couple. Move on with your lives.

    They should have more respect for your marriage and time.

17. Was he single for a long time before he met you?

    They might have become quite used to him being there as their side kick friend who is fun, easy going and always available.

    Now change has come, he has his own responsibilities and priorities, and they don’t like it.

    Also “hot headed”? Is that a bit like using anger and bullying techniques to keep someone controlled and “whipped”?

    I think just keep out of it OP. It sucks when someone talks shit about you but I think in this situation it’s better to keep it civil, let them think what they want to think and maintain a dignified silence.

    It sounds like you’ve both got a lot going on. Focus on your own relationship, family and goals.

18. My husband and I have been together for 14 years now. Friends have come and gone, for various reasons. Many of his friends have not liked me, because I am outspoken and sometimes harsh (I’m working on it). These “friends” have said something rude, unfair, or honestly borderline abusive to my husband at points, and I never let it slide. This often makes me a target for other people’s frustration and ire because I’m “restricting my husband” or “I’m controlling him”. The reality is, they are the ones trying to be controlling or mean to him and I’m just not letting it go. That’s what I feel is my duty as his wife, to protect him and honor him.

    Your husband likely realized the same about his friends that night; He might’ve been on the butt-end, “we all love (your husband) but omg let’s all make fun of him” of their friendship for a long time but was willing to put up with it to stay friends — But after seeing how they treated you, he realized he’d had enough. It’s an awful thing to have to realize, but it’s ultimately for the best then.

    We recently had an 8-year friendship end with another couple because after a huge communication breakdown between us 4, I asked that we all sit down and talk so that we could figure out what was going on and remain friends. We went to try and reconcile and were practically silent while this other couple screamed at us, literally the wife who had been my best friend for years stood up and yelled in my face because “how dare I say she was being mean to (my husband)”. We left and told them we were done, and all of a sudden I was a “horrible friend” and “was toxic”, despite the fact that for years she would write long, beautiful speeches about me for every birthday and how much she loved being my best friend.

    The saddest part was that my husband cried and said it was HIS fault the friendship ended. It was never his fault for being hurt by something they did and I chose to call them out on it myself. Your husband chose to call out his friends, and they showed him their true colors.

    People do not like when they don’t get their way. People do not like being held accountable for their poor behavior. People don’t like when they can’t take their frustration and dysregulation out on you. Don’t hate these old friends for what they’ve said in anger, but I suggest you let them go and see if your life improves more than you realized it would without them. Your husband might realize in time that a weight has lifted.

19. Don’t reach out – leave it alone

20. They had no right to invite other ppl to stay in your casino room. That was rude as hell. But I think your husband didn’t have those kinds of boundaries with them before you came along.

    This is why relationships made as children & continued into early adulthood don’t often last past that point. It’s because ppl embark on life changing events, like marriage & parenthood, on different timetables. And those events completely alter a person’s habits & priorities. Drifting apart is normal but being nasty & blaming the new spouse is petty & childish. I would leave it all alone for now. They showed their a***s, so I’d leave them hanging out there.

21. It’s not your fault they refuse to grow up and are pissed that he is adulting, rather than partying and hanging out all the time. It’s not you. It’s also not your husband. They sound immature.

22. They sound quite immature tbh.

    This same thing happened with me and my husband. He is easygoing, chill, and generous to *everyone* in his life. They were all friends since high school. They simply didn’t like losing control over him. Him making room for me, meant less for them (a lot apparently).

    We were all in our early 20s and us getting married was the break for them (no one in my family or his, or our friends had gotten married). I was slandered to the ends of the earth and back. *Everything* you can say and make up about a person, we heard back from surrounding people to the situation.

    Understand this probably isn’t about you, especially if you’ve been kind to them and logically reasonable (even with their temperaments), which it seems you have. But, ugh, I know exactly how ugly it feels to be called those things.

    “Controlling”, “using him for financial gain”, and “he was/is whipped” are common things people say when they are upset things have changed without their personal consent (yes, even marriage 🙄😒).

    I wouldn’t reach out to them, and not that I didn’t care about them, because if they are that selfish combined with hot-headed, I know I probably couldn’t convince them to be reasonable or have a decent conversation otherwise.

    As for support for your husband, we did marriage counseling with another married couple, where these topics did eventually arise where we could disuss it in full. Focus on your own family and your goals, no one should come between.

23. Mid-20s is a time where childhood friends’ lives diverge enough that the friendship can end. Sometimes with a whimper, sometimes with a bang.

    Don’t stress. These people suck and would have ended their friendship with your husband for one reason or another.

24. DO NOT reach out to these former acquaintances (I can’t bring myself to call them “friends” – they do not behave like friends). Good riddance to these AHs if they got that bent over literally nothing. If you tried to repair the bridge, you would forever be worried about them burning it Shan again over some other imagined slight.

    And how big was this hotel room that your **guests** felt free to invite THEIR OWN GUESTS. Most hotel rooms are crowded with four people. Are these people secret swingers or something that they wanted to cram even more people into the beds???

25. I understand they had a long friendship but sometimes people outgrow friendships. It sounds like that may have happened here.

    They are only using you as an excuse to not address their own shitty behaviour. Move on with your life, I’m sure you and your husband will begin meeting all kinds of new people as your child grows up and starts becoming active in school and hobbies.

26. Don’t reach out. These “friends” don’t like that your husband is an adult and making adult choices.

27. JFC what kind of guests invites more guests to a hotel

28. Around your age people start heading in different directions. People choose to take it personally but really, it’s not. People want different things. Some people, like your husband and you, get into family, nesting, having babies. Some people get obsessed with their careers or saving money and working all the time. Some people travel, buy stuff, and go after different life altering goals.

    And the people who choose a different paths sometimes take it personally or associate those changes with the new person/people in their life. You came around and he stopped being social. It wasn’t because of YOU, it was because he was looking for a serious relationship where he could change into a more serious and focused version of himself. It could have been you or another woman.

    I lost plenty of friends to the same thing you guys are doing. I’m childfree. I could have blown up their phones and acted like a brat about it but I didn’t. I knew they were making the changes they wanted to, and yes, it took them away from me, but that’s life. This isn’t the only season and these won’t be my only friends. When one person leaves the stage it leaves room for another to enter.

    These people decided to make it personal and burn a bridge. They blame you. And thats okay. Because they don’t matter. If they did matter you would have both prioritized them. But you didn’t. You told them by your actions that you no longer could fulfil the same role for them, they got upset, decided to blame YOU because it’s easier than admitting their friend moved on with his life.

    Let your husband mourn and move on. DON’T REACH OUT. They are his friends. If he wants to rekindle something that’s his business. If you reach out it will only get ugly. Trust me, I used to have several friend groups that have disbanded and the best disbandings are slow fades, not stupid drunk confrontations and wives chasing people don’t to “explain their side”.

    Maybe someday you will all rekindle things, maybe not, but for now all you can do is support your husband and focus on your family like you were doing before.

    Your ex friends and you are no longer a good fit. And that’s okay. They overreacted and handled it like toddlers, no way should you further engage. They need to grow up.

29. Honestly if they think you’re controlling, you being the one to reach out will likely just reinforce this view. Stay out of it, and support your husband in however he decides to handle this situation.

30. It may help your husband to reflect here on the friendship dynamic over the years.

    Has he usually been the “easygoing” one?

    Note the shocking rudeness and assumption they showed by inviting ransoms to your hotel room…..and the over-the-top reaction when your husband implemented a basic boundary.

    Note their fixation on him being controlled by you.

    My theory? This friendship always had an expiration date for whenever your husband actually matured, committed to someone else, *and started any basic self advocacy*.

    These friends are likely used to being able to walk all over him- and when he was single, there was nothing really malicious there. He had more free time, he only had to consider himself. So when they made assumptions or had entitlements it didn’t really show up as anything bad.

    Now, he has less free time and he also is considerate of his partner as well as himself.

    And they’re *mad*. They want to always come first. They want to have their way as easily as before.

    That’s not a good friend.

    Do not engage- they don’t want to understand, they don’t want to fix this, they want this on their terms.

31. Some friendship run their course over time. Some people mature as they get older, some don’t. Sounds like it time to move onto a new chapter in life.

32. Leave them alone for good, think of it as a blessing. Then find better friends.

33. Your husband might have really changed a lot since he met you.

    When I first met my husband I was blown away by how kind, considerate, and loving he was. Just amazing bf. When I met his friends they ALL told me how terrible he was (he’s told me stories, he was pretty terrible in highschool) and asked why I would be with someone like him.

    He lost several friends for the exact same reason your husband lost his. One even stormed out and never spoke to my husband again after he asked me “why are you even with him, he’s such a dick!” And I said “not to me, he’s wonderful to me.” He got into fights where he was called whipped because he didn’t want to go out drinking like he used to.

    Some people just don’t want others to grow and change. Just be there for him, it’s the only thing you can do.

34. i wonder if he possibly said stuff like “wife is busy, can’t make it” or “wife isn’t interested so we’re not going” etc. in other words, what he thought would be innocent excuses to not do things because he was tired or not interested, and threw you under the bus for it, became the thing that his friends picked up on, and thought you’re the one holding him back. but that’s just me overthinking, he might not have done this at all.

    however, unless you run in the same circles, iMO it’s OK not to bother with explanations. if they are hot-headed and like to jump to conclusions, it’s OK that they’re not part of your friend circle

35. I feel like I’m missing something reading this. When did you have the baby? Do they have kids? I have two little ones and my friends with children, or those who are close to nieces and nephews get it… but the child free people don’t get it at all.

36. The couple was used to a dynamic where they were able to steam roll your husband. I mean who thinks to invite extra people to stay in a free hotel room when you were invited? Don’t feel bad for the establishing boundaries. I would have vetoed the extra people coming as well. They think you are controlling because you are not a doormat.

37. The same thing happened to me. Not the same reasoning exactly but my boyfriend of 4 years was best friends with a couple for years. Everything was going well until it didn’t and they haven’t talk to us in 1.5 years despite us saying we are willing to talk and we want to work it out.
    It’s been hard because I know my boyfriend struggles to have really close friends in his life but he’s the one who feels the most hurt and expects an apology (which they will not do).

38. It sounds like they used to use your husband and couldn’t anymore because you a very normal
    Woman came into his life

39. One of my favorite quotes “Not all your friends need to be your forever friends. Some people are just meant to be your friend for that particular time in your life”

40. Do not reach out to his friends. This is not a YOU problem, this is the problem of a couple that are annoyed their kewl friend is no longer kewl because he’s settled down (eww). They don’t want him to change. They want the guy that let’s them get away with shit like inviting randos to a mini vacation that they themselves were invited on.

    Your husband? He is doing this wild, strange thing called growing up. Unfortunately, sometimes when that happens, you out grow childhood buddies that aren’t in the same stage as you (not really, any way) and then the relationships dry up.

    You and your husband are NOT in the wrong. You are simple adults now, which means you have adult lives and now need adult friends. Those other people are not adults. They might be older, but they are still in an immature mindset where it’s a huge personal slight if he isn’t up for hanging out and doing what they want, when they want.

    They are not actual friends. They are people that like to be in control, and when someone stops doing what they want, they get angry, ‘hot-headed’, argumentative, and yes, say hurtful shit in the hopes of bullying others back to doing what they want. The honestly sound like users, given by the fact that they had the balls to invite others to the room when it wasn’t even their room – and then they got mad and didn’t come at all because they didn’t get their way. I’m guessing there are lots of other examples of them taking what your husband was offering them and demanding more.

    So what can YOU do for your husband? Empathize. This sucks. If you can give him a fun Hubby day (get him a special gift he’d like, like a hobby item or a nice jacket) let him pick a couple movies for you two and the baby to hunker down in bed and watch together – or maybe he needs to blow off steam on a game. You know him best, but just show that you love him, that you are sorry he has to go through this, and that you have his back.

    What he is going through is a very normal growing pain – he is shedding his childhood skin because it doesn’t fit him anymore. He’s a married man, a young father, and he requires friends that understand what that means and are supportive. They are out there, but it always really sucks losing the people you thought were friends.

41. You can’t mend anything, those were his friends and there’s nothing you can do about the way they went about this situation. I’m sorry.

42. Youre the scapegoat. Thats all there is too it. You didnt actually do anything wrong but they need to blame someone and its falling on you.

    This speaks volumes about their character; i think they really are better left in the past, but i understand how your husband is hurting.

43. Seems like you tend to push a lot of hard confrontations that you find issues with onto him to address and take the blame for.

    Surely this has happened more than just these incidents if they are saying that much about you.

    I get it though, you have social anxiety, and I do feel he wants to defend you at all costs even if he thinks it’s wrong or that he shouldn’t. For example, this statement by you left a sour taste in my mouth, “I told him to do what he thought was best and left the ball in his court to handle” knowing his personality, you pushed/pressured him to do it in a way where you essentially implied you would be upset if he didn’t do it, even when he felt uncomfortable addressing the friends.

    Taking it from an outside perspective, it’s possible his friends feels like he’s no longer chill to hang around because what wasn’t a problem before you, is now a problem with you.

    Not blaming any sides here, simply painting the picture. And in my opinion and to be as transparent as possible, he was compatible with them before but with you, he and his friends are no longer compatible. It is what it is.

    Hopefully you can see that and understand a bit how this all went down.

44. >I also feel confused because some of the things that were said was that I was “controlling”,“using him for financial gain”, and “he was whipped(?)”.

    I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who said this about me and my wife. They’re acting like children and owe you and your husband an apology.

45. So I hate to admit this but in my past relationship we had a third person ( not sexually lol). It was his childhood best friend and I liked him too. He was always very polite, clean, and listened well. He was lonely so he was always around but I never cared because of reasons stated. Then he got a girlfriend and it greatly impacted my own relationship. He was a buffer that kept us from arguing. with him gone, the arguments got A LOT worse. I knew it was best for the friend to be in his own healthy relationship but I will admit I lost a lot when he left.

    I could see in OPs situation that the other couple may be experiencing complacency without OPs husband being available for spur of the moment activities like 6 full grown adults in one hotel room 🙄

46. Sounds like a number of oof decisions that were made had the most negative outcome, adding up to this, tbh.

    I could see in these scenarios, if your husband was like “my wife says this,” and “my wife doesn’t want me to do that,” they could very well conclude that you’re controlling. Super common thing for men in het relationships to do, either thoughtlessly, or as a way to avoid hurting others feelings.

    And if he just kinda ghosted them over the six months, or did the “my wife” thing more—I can see how they’d come to the conclusion they did.

    Their inviting people to the casino hotel room, and your husband choosing to try to have a serious/potentially fraught conversation both A) at someone’s wedding, and B) while everyone is intoxicated lends weight to this being a two-sided thing on the thoughtless/rude/dumb front, tbh.

    You didn’t talk much about your social anxiety, so I don’t know if that’s lent itself to your not getting to know them enough over the years to feel comfortable having any kind of communication with them, but since husband was the one doing all the communication with them in each scenario mentioned, that may not have helped . Not that it was bad! Just that, there was no opportunity for the mistaken impression your husband probably gave to be dispelled.

47. Eh. You guys are in different stages of life. I lost a lot of friends as soon as I had a baby and although sometimes I reach out or they reach out I truly haven’t seen most of then in almost a decade. It happens.

    However the only time someone accused me of being controlling was a woman my husband (then boyfriend) worked with that was trying to date him and was angry that I would show up at his work to drop off meals or pick him up to take him home. This was 12 years ago lol.

48. Are you a SAH mom? Is it possible your actions are not perceived in the same light you and your husband see them as.

    I can see how they believe you are controlling if he went from being able to go out and not had a wife that is not income generating and going out is “not in the budget”.

    Also to add, you are hearing what he heard from a drinking conversation, may not be hearing the entire narrative IMO.

49. Things change over time. His friends actually kind of sound like the controlling ones.

50. UPDATE:

    I have read through all the comments and I just want to thank everyone who took time out of their day to give advice and for their kindness. I have decided not to contact his old friends and just support him in his time of need. If he wants to mend the friendship, I would be open to it. However certain problematic dynamics do need to change.

    There were some comments about missing information, so I did want to add a little more context to the situation. I brought this issue to you all and I need to give you all the facts.

    1) Yes, I am a SAHM/college student. (I haven’t worked in a little over 8 months) Before my husband, I was a single mom for 5 years and worked my butt off to provide for my 1 child. I’m 26 and and aside from this past 6 months I have always worked and provided for myself and my child. Since meeting my husband, he has gotten a much better paying job that was more than both of previous incomes combined. He graduated from college this past December and I had supported him while he was working less being in school and knew I had always put school on the back burner to provide for my child. After he graduated and got a better job, he ENCOURAGED me to quit working and begin school. He didn’t want me overloaded with childcare, working, and trying to finish school. I’m going to school to be a teacher and I’m in the final semesters of it, which requires full time classes/observations/student teaching during the week. The only time I really could work would be evenings and weekends and my husband would rather me be at home with our child. Especially since he already works swing shift so she works many nights and weekends himself. He values what I do in the home. I take care of all the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, appointment planning, taking our child to school, and their extracurriculars. I have offered to take up part time employment SEVERAL times and my husband always tells me no. He wants me focused on our home and my schooling.

    2) I say OUR child but biologically she is only mine. My husband is the only father my child has ever known. They call him Dad. We are in the process of adoption, but it doesn’t happen over night and like I previously mentioned we’ve only been married for about 6 months atp. However my husband and child share an incredible bond and, while not biologically, that is HIS child.

    3) I can see how my “not working” and him “not going out because it’s not the budget” could be perceived from the outside looking in. However our priorities right now are taking care of our family, saving to buy a house, and my finishing school. I’ve never told him he can’t spend $100 on a night out. If that’s what he wanted to do, I would fully support it. This was his decision to save rather spend the $$$ going out. If our situation ever got to the point that our finances were at a strain, I would 100% go back to work. I’m not against working and I’m only going to school so I can work and have a better career.

    4) I completely agree that this all transpiring at their friend’s wedding was completely unfair to the newly-married couple. As soon as he told me what happened, those were the first words out of my mouth. However, contrary to his friend’s belief, I cannot control my husband and sometimes he makes decisions I don’t agree with. My husband has since apologized to the bride and groom.

    5) I have gotten all of my information about what happened at the wedding from an unreliable narrator. My husband had been drinking, so I’m not 100% how the order of events completely went down. I am a firm believer there’s always 3 sides to every story. Im just making the best with the information I do have. I was not present and I have not heard anything from anyone else other than my husband. I will say though, my husband wouldn’t just make up things that were said out of thin air. Drinking or not. He’s honest to his own detriment at times. Those are extremely specific things to say. Which lead me to believe they were said. or something very similar was said.

    6) I also agree my husband and I could’ve done more to check in and maintain the friendship. There have been several times I have sent the wife “How are you doing?” messages, sent her snapchats, most of which she did not respond to. I put the effort into trying to keep up communication for my husband’s benefit because I know his friends are important to him. That makes them important to me. I will say I didn’t initiate any plans, I could’ve been better about that and that is on me. I haven’t truly initiated any plans with any of my friends as of late. All of my other friends understand this and have not taken this as a personal thing. We are all adults with lives, spouses, jobs, children, etc. and sometimes you “just fall off earth” for a little bit. I will say he could’ve definitely communicated that better to his friends. Hindsight is 20/20. I still don’t believe slightly under 6 months is enough time to blow up a 15 year friendship. I do agree if they were concerned I was isolating him (which they have every right to as his friends) they could have just asked him about it because creating a false narrative and assuming the worst. However I guess that’s what you can get when you don’t communicate on either side.

    7) Another layer to this, being as they have all been friends for 15 years (spanning back to their childhood days). This couple has also grown close to my husband’s family and they are all part of a larger friend group my husband is in. I guess this is one of the reasons I’m so concerned is I don’t want my husband to fall out with ALL of his friends over it. I am probably overthinking at this point, but I just feel as if this was truly just a GIANT miscommunication and I would hate to see my husband lose his friends over it. Solely because it would hurt him and I do believe friendships are valuable.

    8) As far as I’m aware, this is all the communication we’ve all had in several months. I don’t think I’m missing any context as far as the timeline goes. We were good for about 2 years, casino-drama, good again, have wedding (good at wedding), I reach out to wife (to be ignored), husband is invited to do things solo (he declines on his own will), friend’s wedding drama. I kinda wish there was a little more context for my own understanding. This all really felt like it was coming out of left field for me when I heard what was said.