Would your wife know if you got a vasectomy without telling her?

15 comments

1. Well, kids would stop coming so she would know something is afoot.

   There is a scar if she looks hard enough and I don’t know how you’d hide surgical recovery from a partner you are married to.

2. Given that it took me a week to stop bleeding and 3-4 days to be able to get up and walk around without acting like I’d had a hip replacement…that bit could be hard to explain away.

   Beyond the other aspects, without medical investigations, probably not.

   I would add that in your hypothetical relationship, conversations should be being had long before the snip became the only way out.

3. Hypothetically speaking, I’ll pretend like you aren’t an ape shit killer who wants to already destroy his non existent family through a systematic series of chained together deceit.

   So let’s consider for the sake of argument that you have already lied about going to consults, appointments and ultimately a medical procedure and then recovery.

   Now that you’re out of the woods on being caught, you and your partner start trying again and clearly something is wrong, you know and she doesn’t.

   She becomes increasingly worried and concerned and you sit back and watch her struggle, all the while you know how clever you are for tricking her.

   You refuse to go to fertility doctors with her because you know you’ll be busted. So you gaslight her into thinking she is insane.

   She sticks by your side because she loves you, and ultimately accepts this new life.

   You watch her grow sadder each day and as the years pass she still tries to love you but resents you for not even trying to fix the problem when you knew how important it was to her.

   You look at her one day as she weeps and snap at her “stop crying about this, it’s been 20 years and its never gonna happen. Its no one’s fault, it’s not like I got a secret vasectomy or something ”

   She investigates this joke, becomes obsessed with it and finds out the truth.

   You come home from work one day, see dinner at the table and when you try to find her, you find her lifeless body clutching the baby book she bought herself, that she turned into a journal.

   After you step over her dead body and go to eat before it gets cold, you can’t help but smirk at your handiwork as you sip your glass of bourbon.

   So yeah, you can. My advice: Go for the full genital removal

4. I never had a vasectomy but after getting snipped you are going to be sore and maybe even black and blue. I believe no sex for a week. Then you have to use contraception of some kind until verified that you are shooting blanks.

   If you can hide all of that, she won’t know until she wonders why she isn’t getting pregnant anymore

5. Wouldn’t you expect your wife to help care for you during recovery? She’s not going to buy that a pulled muscle is why you’re limping around or not able to have sex for a week or so. Plus if something goes wrong in your recovery, like perhaps an infection, either you’re going to have to tell her the truth or she’ll assume you cheated and got an std. I imagine the consequences of the latter would far outweigh telling her the truth.

6. Yes, you go from tapioca to vanilla.

7. If you weren’t in a very sexually active marriage, things went as planned, and you had a few days where you could be sitting around and not moving much, then you could probably get away with it. No sex for a few weeks, I was using frozen peas for 2 days and not really moving from the couch, tenderness went away after about 4 days.

8. It varies from man to man. Some guys it’s a day or two of soreness. Some men it’s a week or two recovery.

9. Scaring is minimal, soreness lasts a few days. Odds of her figuring out something weird is going on is high. Odds of her figuring out exactly what – less so.

   This is a hypothetical but if youre not on the same page with your partner about having kids, how many etc before you get married, youre gonna have a bad time

10. So you don’t have a partner but you spend your free time thinking about how you would deceive one? May you stay single for eternity.

11. Why are you afraid of a conversation with a wife you don’t have?

12. I’m just wondering why you’re thinking of marrying someone with different priorities than you for children. Just get it sorted before the get go, and let them know after 4 you would get snipped.

    Not that many women even want 4 kids, that’s a lot these days.

    You could hide it, but she’s gonna divorce you eventually and then you’d have to deal with that, which… r/divorce will tell you is not fun.

13. Look, if you’re in a situation where you feel the need to hide elective surgery from your wife because you’re too afraid to say no, you shouldn’t be married to her — and possibly anyone else if this is how you approach relationship conflict.

14. If you want to recover well, she may question why you’re icing your balls all weekend. From a performance and finishing perspective, no she can’t tell.

15. Outside of the post-op recovery, no.

    I slept for like 20 hours after getting home from mine. And walked funny for a few days. I was also told to basically not touch anything in my crotchural region for a couple weeks.

    But yeah. Once you recover, the only way she’d know anything is if she was intensely focused enough to notice the scar.