I (22M) have been dating my gf (22F) for about two years now and we have sex relatively often (at least twice a week). I’m feeling like our sex lives are focused on me too heavily though and I want her to experience the great feelings that she gives me. With my last girlfriend and some other girls in between the two relationships I was able to give these girls orgasms both with my hands and orally by stimulating their clits but with my current girlfriend she has difficultly getting there and I’ve only been able to make her orgasm twice in the time that we’ve been dating (we’ve been sexually active since our third date). She says that she doesn’t really masturbate at all, which is the same as my first girlfriend who I had no problem getting off. For christmas this past year I asked her if she would want a vibrator and I got one for her, we’ve used it together while having sex but it seems like the whole act stops abruptly as I finish and she puts the vibrator away. I’ve voiced to her that I want to try to give her orgasms and make her orgasms more of a part of the sex that we have because I feel that it’s only fair, I’ve suggested that she try masturbating and/or using the vibrator on her own but she says that she feels awkward about it and is not sure where to start. She doesn’t watch porn. When I try to do oral on her she squirms a bit and is really sensitive, but I do try to build up with at least 15 minutes of kissing and foreplay before actually touching her clit, often when I try to eat her out she says that it feels better to use my hand, but even with her directing me in terms of speed, pressure, etc. I can’t seem to get her revved up to the point that she’s getting close to orgasm. I’m not sure if she knows what to feel for or what to expect from an orgasm because she’s had so few so I wonder if this inhibits her from getting to it, but with my first girlfriend I was the first to ever touch her and we were able to figure it out, she also had never masturbated. Any advice would be very much appreciated!
2 comments
There seem to be two common problems she may be having:
* she didn’t masturbate much, so hasn’t learned how to get to orgasm
* for some women, getting to the O is a tightrope walk, missteps lead to starting over or worse, unable to re-ignite the flame for that session
* of course, you’ve probably already seen this advice, but its canon in this situation: she’ll need to do some work in masturbation to learn for herself what she needs, especially if its specific movements
* you could try mutual masturbation
* she doesn’t seem to be relaxed or concentrating enough
* this could be many things, some people need to have their chores/worries assuaged at least temporarily, so they can stop that worry loop
* try arranging things so that the environment is as relaxing and non-pressuring as possible
* her attitude to masturbation isn’t a great sign, btw. hopefully she’s not recovering from growing up in a sexually repressive env. if so, that’s a lot of work to come out of
* she could also be a pure-pleaser, and can’t naturally get off unless you’re getting off. as an experiment, try using vibe or fingering her g-spot or whatever while she goes down on you (if BJs are a normal thing for you two). this could have some return on investment, as it may get her into a different headspace and let her relax while still giving you pleasure
Good luck
How are you treating her during non-sexy times? Sending her lots of “how’s your day” and “thinking of you” texts and memes and stuff? Sexting, flirty texts, random compliments? Flowers ever without expecting sex that night? Ramp up the romance a bit. Throw a party and socialize together, go out with friends somewhere. That will help her trust you really care for her more when you go down on her. Show some fucking passion. It might take a few times but it couldn’t hurt.