I can’t even begin to explain how frustrated and humiliated I feel. I’m 23M, living at home. I live with 2 sisters (21 & 25, one who is atm living at school) and my mother. Yesterday after my family came home from work, they sat me down and told me they found my private collection of women’s lingerie and clothing. I am a straight man. I am not trans or gay (nothing wrong with any of those). I’m just a man who likes to cross dress and other submissive things. I keep 2 containers under my bed. 1 for my lingerie/ clothing and the other with my toys (dildos, lube, cuffs, etc.). They’re both about the size of a laundry basket and both pretty full. At home, I have somewhat of an “open door policy”, meaning I don’t mind my family entering when I’m gone bc I try to make it seem like I’m not hiding anything and I keep my door open at home. Also under my bed is very hard to access. My bed frame covers most of underneath and the only access points are across my bed and at the edge of my room which has a small door leading to under by bed. Both spaces are very small and its hard to visualize but basically you can’t see underneath my bed from the “general area”.
Anyway while I was at work yesterday, apparently my older sister went into my room to try to find the mosquito that kept me up the night before and the electric racket fell in between the cracks of my bed and that’s when she saw my stuff. She then took the box of clothes out of my room showed it to my mom while I was gone and then hid it in her room. After my family came home from work, they sat me down and continued to grill me with questions. At first I tried playing it off and saying it was my girlfriends, but there were different size bras as well as old clothing that my family was throwing out. I then had to come clean and say I was a cross dresser. The whole time I was yelling at them about why were they invading my privacy and asking me about my personal life. Their excuse was that we’re family and they care for me and were concerned with what I was doing with their old clothes.
Some of the questions that they asked were what do I use the clothes for, how many people know I like to dress, what would happen if a girl I liked knew I liked to dress, has anyone seen me dressed, among other things. The whole thing felt like forever. At the end, they asked if I wanted the clothes back and I said yes and took it and locked myself in my room for the rest of the night. After going inside, I texted my fwb who knows about my kink and cried while ranting over text. This whole thing feels humiliating. They forcefully exposed a part of me that I’ve been trying to hide from them for so long over something that doesn’t concern them.
I wish I could move out but I can’t afford an apartment on my own and my younger sister doesn’t know what just happened so I won’t know what to tell her when she comes home. I’m currently at work, depressed and not wanting to go home and not wanting to see my family. My privacy was violated and they had 0 right in doing so.
Edit: this blew up way more than expected. There are way too many comments for me to reply to but I’ll try my best to read some. Just want to clarify that I never considered the thought that having their old clothes could be seen as creepy.
37 comments
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They were wrong. It really sucks, but it’ll get better with time. It’s one of the oldest kinks. Family has zero responsibility addressing such a thing. They should’ve minded their own business. It’s pretty normal and you didn’t need an intervention.
Same thing happened to me when I was 15, I am 50 and trans now, They shamed me into locking that part of me down for years, don’t let that happen to you.
I am not saying you’re trans like me, but you don’t have to be ashamed of this anymore – sure your family finding out is sub optimal but don’t let it get you down too much, we are who we are…
Um yes, it’s extremely weird that you are using your sisters’ and mother’s old clothes for your kink. Of course they’re concerned.
I don’t think they handled it well at all and it is an invasion of privacy.
However, some of these clothes were your sister’s old clothes and you were using them for presumably sexual purposes? This could be seen as predatory and dangerous behavior and you were possibly fetishizing your sisters or their clothing. Many people take the clothing of others and masturbate with the clothing or inside the clothing while fantasizing about the person that owns or wears the clothing. I am not kink shaming or accusing you of doing this. I am simply saying this because it might appear that way to someone else. Personally, I would get rid of all the hand me down clothing and not use any of your sisters clothes regardless if they were throwing it away or donating it. I would keep everything else though.
I can’t relate to your situation though I don’t agree with invasion of your privacy, or even making a stink over your private life. Though considering the items found belonged to them at one point and they obviously had no idea about your fetish. I could see where this could be concerning. I think it should have initially been a private conversation between your sister that found the containers and yourself. On other hand, she found her under garments (regardless of being thrown away)in her brother’s possession. The woman’s clothing would be questionable, their old under garments would be concerning. Just my opinion. I do think it should have been handled differently considering your sister is old enough to deal with a situation without running to mommy like a child. Sorry you had to deal with that. I would suggest locking your door from now on.
They shouldn’t have exposed you and grilled you like that. And you shouldn’t have used their old clothes, which probably added a level of discomfort for them. As a first foray into cross dressing I understand as it’s what you can access, but as you’re able to have your own things better to let theirs go.
Edit: OP, I think that as a part of reconciliation you also should give them an apology for your violation of their privacy and using their clothes. You should gather a bag of their things that they can see you throw away.
Frankly, if anyone was absconding with my old clothes for sexual purposes, they *do* owe me an explanation.
So you’re wearing your mother and sisters bras and undies and you don’t see a problem with this?
I’m sorry, but using your family members’ old clothes is an extreme invasion of privacy. It would be one thing if you were wearing your ex-girlfriend’s clothing occasionally, but these are family members’ belongings. There’s a level of discomfort here that I don’t think you fully grasp.
I support people in living their truths and exploring their sexuality and identity, but I can’t help but say that you are unequivocally in the wrong in this situation.
If I were in a similar situation, I would feel very unsafe and violated around you. It would take a lot of time to process and forgive you for such actions.
> Their excuse was that were a family and they care for me and were concerned with what I was doing with their old clothes
Probably that part? It’s 2999% more uncomfortable… for everyone in this situation… that you’re stealing clothes from your female family members and using them to fulfill your sexual desires.
While they definitely overstepped their boundaries… so did you. It’s a gross violation of trust *by both parties*. I mean, honestly, you have your Moms and sisters bras and underwear in a plastic tub that you’ve been cross dressing with and *brought them to your parents house with you?*. I can understand why they’re upset, for sure.
Bro, you’re wearing your families clothes. It changes this entire scenario. They found THEIR clothes stored away with your sex toys. You see them wearing them then all of a sudden now they’re in your possession locked away as sexual items for yourself.
I understand you feel victimized but look at it from their POV. Its not like they just found sex toys or even lingerie id imagine would have been left alone. It’s the fact their clothes are involved. Opens a whole other can of worms
A lot of the others touched on this, but it’s okay to be upset at the breach of your privacy and the way they handled it. You have a right to be upset and for them to know that that wasn’t okay to do
But I agree that you need to get rid of the clothes your family was getting rid of. Whether your intent was something innocent or not, the impact of how it makes them feel is the issue. You’re using something that directly connects to them for kink and sex. It makes total sense that it is making them uncomfortable for any number of reasons.
Here’s what I’d do, as tough as it sounds. Take the clothes that are theirs and throw them in a garbage bag. Ask to talk to them and calmly explain that you didn’t appreciate the breach in privacy and you ask that they continue to respect your space on the future by not entering your room anymore when you aren’t there. But also, you need to address that you (hopefully by now) understand why they were concerned about finding their old clothing and reassure them that for you, there wasn’t that connection, but that you.understand you also crossed a line there unintentionally. And to help them feel better, you’ve taken all the old clothes and you’re getting rid of them because you don’t want them to worry about something that doesn’t exist, and that you will be more considerate in the future.
By pilfering their old stuff, you kinda invited this upon yourself. Your older sister saw her underwear stashed under your bed. How do you think she should have reacted?
Your sister did an incredibly sensible thing by getting your mom involved. While I can understand how upset you feel, you violated your mom’s and sisters’ privacy and what you’re facing now are the consequences of your own actions. The first step towards overcoming this is apologizing to them for stealing their clothes, apologize to them for getting yelling at them when they confronted you, then either go out to buy your own stuff.
OP is in denial that’s why he feels so much shame. Also you’re weird for not realizing that taking your family’s clothes and using them in your own sexual manner is disgusting.
Wait, you stole clothing from your sisters and mom for this? Dude…that is *so not fucking cool*. I don’t think they give a shit that you’re a crossdresser as much as they’re worried about whether or not their safety is at risk.
…you were using their old clothes? No wonder they’re uncomfortable. That’s fucked up.
>as well as old clothing that my family was throwing out
This is not ok btw, you do realize that? It was you who invaded their privacy first, so their reaction is more understandable, although obviously not a right thing to do either by them.
It’s clear from reading the comments that you’ve chosen to respond to that you are not fully grasping that you are in the wrong here.
I’m sorry you feel humiliated but look at this from your mother and sister’s perspective. Your sister came into your room (which was unlocked) for what sounds like a perfectly valid reason and finds a box with her and her mother’s old clothes combined with sex toys. She absolutely did the right thing in telling her parents. It’s disgusting and violating that you are using things that belonged to them for sexual gratification and they probably thought that you were fantasising about them (given how popular incest porn is). I’m most surprised that they gave you the clothes back tbh.
And as for your excuse about wanting something for yourself because you only have lingerie, this is not a valid reason. You clearly aren’t broke enough that you can’t afford to buy new or thrifted clothes given how you have been able to purchase sex toys and lingerie.
I’m sorry to sound harsh but suck it up and take responsibility for your actions. Your family sound much more understanding than I would be in this situation (and like I said not because of the kink but because of your sexualisation of my belongings). Apologise to them, get rid of their clothes and buy your own. Oh and buy a lock for your bedroom.
Jesus Christ how is all this bullshit upvoted? What you did was predatory and disgusting. Stop victimizing yourself. It’s pathetic.
Your FAMILY saw their personal clothing items you are using for a SEXUAL fetish and imagined you yanking your meat stick to their feminine items. Yes, they violated your privacy BUT you did it first with their clothing and using it for sexual gratification before they invaded a space in which they paid for you to occupy in their house.
Dude, your lack of self-awareness and boundaries is mind-boggling.
I was upset for you until I read the whole old clothes thing. I can’t imagine having my family interrogate me over kink like this but dude you cannot use other people’s possessions in kink. I would be so disturbed if I found out my brother, or anyone else, was using my old clothes for a fetish. It’s really creepy and I’m sure that’s the main point of the interrogation.
They aren’t wrong for wondering why you’re using they’re stuff as part of a fetish, they were wrong for pressing you about cross dressing once you admitted it. Please don’t do that.
You deserved to be grilled. What lack of insight and intelligence to think you can wear your sisters and moms clothing and not expect them to be concerned.
Op you’re disgusting. Your sister has a right to be concerned considering it’s HER clothes you’re using to get off
i have accidentally come across kink stuff in my brother’s house before and i never brought it up because he’s an adult and that’s absolutely his business. but if i came across my clothes with that sex stuff then i’d absolutely bring it up because that’s disturbing – regardless of whether he himself thought of it like that
based parents
What the hell are you doing wearing their clothes? That’s creepy as it can be. Crossdressing is fine but doing sexual things with your mom and sister’s old clothes is completely unacceptable, regardless of whether they’re in the donate pile.
I’d feel gross as hell if I were them. You crossed a boundary way before they ever did.
Ok, well it’s time you start buying your own lingerie instead of using your sister and mother’s old clothes. That’s really weird. They have a right to be concerned because it was their stuff, but the whole being concerned about if a girl may see you in it is whack. There are lots of places to buy cheap lingerie. Start with SHEIN.
>as well as old clothing that my family was throwing out
>and were concerned with what I was doing with their old clothes
You’re using your female family members’ intimate clothing for your kink and you don’t understand why they’re concerned???
That’s kinda nasty OP. At least buy your own stuff.
Do you know how many girls get raped by their brothers?
She must have told your mom because she was probably either uncomfortable or afraid of speaking alone with you. My first thought would be that my creepy brother is masturbating to my and my moms clothes thinking about us. It was probably a RELIEF for them to know you are cross dressing.
You did something extremely violating to them then come to cry about it on Reddit? God, you need a reality check.
So many people skipping over his mother and sister’s clothes there. If I came across my brother’s things, I would shut the box up and not say a word. If I saw my things in there, I’m running straight to my mother.
I see people just skimmed this post.
Jesus man, if my brother did this it would scare the crap out of me. You’re not just crossdressing (which as a girl I find very sexy if a guy is into it) but you’re using your family’s old clothes! That’s just creepy, even if you said there was no connection between your family and the clothes, I would still have my doubts. Because you can say no, but you can think something completely else.
Confront your sister and mother about it. Tell them you’re sorry for using them, and that you understand their concern and never meant it like that. Tell them that you used it to explore yourself and never thought about the other side, and now that you’re aware of their emotions you’ll find another way to express yourself. Give it to them so they can throw it away, that way it brings them some comfort to know it’s actually been thrown away. After that you can just let it rest and go back to normal, don’t make a big deal out of it.
The crossdressing has nothing to do with this entire situation, it is them being freaked out over finding their own clothes in your sex dungeon. The crossdressing is just something that come on top of the already freaky situation.
So you are using your sisters and mothers bras and panties and you are mad they exposed you? I’m sure your parents are concerned that you are attracted to your sisters and are now most likely concerned for their safety around you. Probably time to figure out how to afford your own place because your female family are scared of you.
Sorry but if my brother had my old clothes, possibly even underwear under his bed I would feel unsafe at home. Being a cross-dresser is fine. I mean I don’t get it and I would probably look a bit deeper into the dressing like women and “other submissive” stuff because this implies for me that you see being a woman as being inherently submissive. I would also probably have more conversations with my brother about clothing and the gender in general and try to educate him. Like some philosophical discussion would follow definitely but that’s it. If he wants to dress like a woman because he gets aroused by it – do it! I don’t mind.
But the second he uses my used/old clothes for that? I am out because I as his sister want no part in any of his sexual fantasies or sexual activities!
Wtf OP, considering that you took used underwear from your mother and sisters you deserve more backlash from your family, I would be fucking scare if I found a family member has my underwear in plastic bags to use for sexual purpose like wtf are you thinking man?
Dude, I mean this absolutely and sincerely, you need to get rid of those and BUY YOUR OWN. Now. Do not ever involve the possessions, current or former, of freaking family members in your bedroom activities ever again.
You feel violated and humiliated? Guess how they feel, buddy. You’ve freaked them out, they probably thought you took them to fantasize about your family members. You need to apologize and own that you should have gotten your own instead of taking theirs, discarded or not.