I28m have been married to my wife28f for 2 years, together for 7. We recently welcomed our first child into the world, when my wife began showing PP symptoms. They got bad enough for her to now be hospitalized after being put under an involuntary hold.
Last week, a lot was going on, the baby wouldn’t stop crying, and my wife was getting overwhelmed. I tried to take the baby from her and she began accusing me of not thinking she was capable and how I thought I had to save her, then she went on to say how shes never loved me, she really didn’t and how her mother said I was a hardworking loving man, and she needed to marry a man like me, and now she’s stuck with this baby. I was obviously heartbroken, but then two days later she tried to seriously harm herself. I know this sounds selfish but I can’t stop thinking about what she said. My mom said she didn’t mean it, and post partum does a lot to a person, but I just can’t stop thinking.
I keep worrying I’ve been in a loveless marriage. Our marriage is incredible and alive, our sex life is great, we go out on date nights still. She puts in a lot of effort in this marriage as well. I just feel so heartbroken, but I don’t think it’ll ever be right to talk to her bc my hurt feelings are so little compared to her issues she’s dealing with. Advice?
5 comments
This were the hormones, some women end their kids during that time, it’s s mental health crisis. I hope your wife does well in the hospital and gets the medication and therapy she needs.
Try to let it go. PP makes us completely different people, and we will say some wicked shit we don’t at all mean. I know it’s very hard to handle as the person being treated this way and talked to this way, however from what you describe, she sounds like she has a particularly bad case of it. I promise you, she didn’t mean it, she was just losing her damn mind in that moment.
Mental health problems are a thing.
Your wife has them.
Bit even though we can’t control the episodes, we still have to take responsibility for them. You need to be strong and take the abuse for now. But later she will need to be strong, to acknowledge that she abused you, to get help and to stop it ever happening again.
Just blaming it on hormones and thinking she doesn’t need to repair the damage she caused is not acceptable. She’ll need your help to see how horrible her behaviour was and to rebuild the relationship she’s attacked.
PP is a serious issue and the person is NOT the same while suffering. You can say the same thing during birth. OB/GYN nurses have lots of stories of wives telling their husband they hate them, blaming them for the pregnancy, swearing the husband will never be allowed to touch them again, etc.
Think about your last paragraph on how you described your marriage. Do you really think that she was a super good actress everyday for the last two years? Sorry, just not possible.
Her current condition is 180 to the previous 2 years and she’s received a medical diagnosis. Therefore, recognize that your own insecurities are causing these feelings inside yourself because the reality is the evidence of what your marriage is really like that you described in you last paragraph. Keep on loving her.
She needs time to get better by herself before she can fully apologize and begin to try to repair her relationship with you. Thats if she wants to. Stay strong baby is #1 right now and for the time being