I lost my best friend of 12 years after he lied to me and betrayed me. I’m wondering how everyone has dealt with similar situations.

39 comments

  1. With time, I guess.

    I tried reaching out after many years, but it just wasn’t the same. I feel compelled to keep trying, but I haven’t and I just don’t know if it’d even be “ok” or acceptable to. The real world/life often isn’t like the stories it inspires.

  3. Time, replacing the sad memories with newer ones. The pain really doesnt go away but it hurts less.

  4. He started dating my ex that I hadn’t really gotten over. I grew up, they broke up, and we eventually became friends again and even lived together for a while. Not quite the same situation as yourself but you never know how perspectives might change with time.

    Edit: oh, and he was best man at my wedding years later

  5. My buddy got involved with heroin. It hurt a lot, it was a slow drift where he didn’t want to do any of the things we used to, started hanging out with bad people, then eventually we just stopped seeing each other altogether. I had one last talk with him that he was destroying himself and I missed him, but it didn’t land. I heard he got clean but never saw him again. Addictions a monster.

  7. My closest friend for like 25 yrs was also the best man in my wedding. When I was going through divorce we talked all the time. I later found out he was telling my ex everything and she was fucking him to get dirt to use against me in court.

    I knew the guy had a shady side and was dishonest at times but never thought he would stab me in the back like that. I told him at the time what a piece of shit he is and haven’t spoken since. We saw each other in town a couple of times but never spoke. The guy is toxic and I’m way better off without him in my life.

  8. I’ve got a dog, a wife, and a gaming PC. If he wants to play stupid games, he’s gonna win stupid prizes. I got more time for the other 3 now

  9. My best friend drowned on his birthday when I was 18, a week later I joined the military, I still miss him, but things just get better with time I guess?

  10. If he lied and betrayed you move on.

    It sucks.

    Depending on you do you want to be sad/mad/whatever for a few minutes a day or spend 3-5 angry and be done with the situation?

    And now that you have free time and drive is there a skill you want to learn?

  12. I had a friend for 8 years. He found a girl and then our friendship began to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. She didn’t seem like the abusive type, so I don’t blame her. Anyway, we always did something every week, and out of nowhere he was “always busy”. While I tried to talk to him, he didn’t try to talk to me back. Basically he ghosted me with extra steps. The penny dropped when I found out he got married, that’s when I realized that I wasn’t worth even knowing about the happiest moment in his life. I’ve already thought and rethought all my actions. I’ve already blamed myself and thought that at some point I must have been the biggest asshole in the world for this to happen. But only he knows the truth, and he won’t tell me. So I just try to let it go.

  13. He got wayyyyy too into conspiracies and right wing politics. People can beleive whatever they want, I won’t give them shit- unless it starts to affect other people’s lives.

    I was questioning the friendship and then covid hit, went out of their way to dodge restrictions and mandates. It just because his personality and i don’t have time for it. Asked some people in the group if I should call him and his wife (who is way worse) out but they wanted to keep the peace in the group. I don’t pretend to like people so for my friends sakes I just faded out of that one circle and invested more in my other circle. The 2 friends in the first circle I see still one on one a lot

  14. I’ve unfortunately lost a number of friends over the years, with suicide being the main factor. Over time, it’s taken on an unsettling familiarity, almost becoming something that just happens in life. I think this might stem from my early exposure to death in my family. Every loss, every time, I’ve struggled to find a healthy way to cope. While I’ve turned to drinking and smoking in the past, I also sought therapy and medication. Out of everything, medications have been the most effective for me. I currently take SSRIs to help manage my feelings and thoughts around these losses. It’s never easy unfortunately.

  17. Honestly, I haven’t, idk what happened, but he won’t reply to me, but I have him on FB, and I see he updates almost daily. I want to rip off the bandage and just delete him, but I’m hoping he will answer back with atleast a “fuck off”.

  18. I knew my ex best friend since early high school. When I was 25 he had an affair with my wife.

    I’m still not over it.

    I have no trust for anyone anymore

  19. I got a new best friend after some time. My old best friend became Born Again and started to get very aggressive with his attempts to convert me. One day he goes “I’m eventually going to wear you down. It’s a matter of time.” I told him that if he had to wear me down it wasn’t a compelling argument in its own and that while I still love him as a friend and a person, I can’t continue to be in close contact with him. I went probably a decade without a close friend again, until I met my current best friend. It was rough though. I didn’t feel like I had someone who really knew me. I don’t make friends easily and I don’t let people inside the circle easily. I became depressed and developed terrible anxiety. It’s impossible to know if they were directly related but I believe that they were at least connected.

  20. My best friend of 10 years died a couple years ago. Nobody’s quite sure how, but he was in another city for a company Christmas party. He got drunk, they sent him back to the hotel in an uber. Evidently he decided not to go into the hotel because after he got out of the cab he went for a walk by a river that the hotel backed onto. He was missing for 24 hours, and then turned up dead & frozen in that river.

    For me, it’s the complete lack of closure. I don’t understand what happened. He wasn’t the suicidal type, to my knowledge, but you never really know. If it was a drunken accident, then I blame the company & alcohol. He had some issues he was dealing with, & had been drinking more than usual. So it’s all a bit cloudy.

    Initially, it was difficult to cope. I had to be selfish & take care of myself instead of being a shoulder to cry on for others. You need to be selfish, I think. You’re not in the right state of mind to help anyone. I kept busy, I tried to keep my hobbies. I opened up when I could but I didn’t want to talk about it much. With time, the pain dulled.

    Years later the absence is…like reaching for an item that isn’t there anymore. The hardest moments are when you’re aching to do something with that friend, catch a movie you were both excited about or go to an event you know they’d be excited about. Sometimes I forget he’s not there and it’s like nothings changed, other times I forget he ever existed & it comes back when there’s something that makes me think of him.

    Mostly, I’m sad for him. I know death comes for everyone, but I wish he’d been able to explore more of life. Time will heal my wounds, but it only exasperates his.

  21. Just happened as we drifted and fundamental different personality that made us click and beneficial growing up could no longer be compatible. But we’re in our 40s now with work and family pressures so there’s fewer time for ‘close, dedicated’ friends anyways. Just outgrew and trajectory each other in life path/priority.

    Still appreciate having had him in my life so will be grateful for how he’s influenced me. He said the se about me (Type A vs B personality).

    Got close to 2 other guys that live close but obviously not the same as someone I grew up with. But good enough to have a good time. Still keep in touch with some old good buds so all good.

  22. He backstabbed me one too many times. I stopped talking to him. 15 years later he’s dating my ex wife. He showed up to my daughter’s graduation with her. I ignored him and focused on my daughter. Seeing him again made me realize I made a good decision to get off the bottle in my mid 20s. Dudes the same age as me (40) but he looks like he’s in his 60s. 20 years of hard drinking will do that I guess. My ex is fucking crazy though, they deserve each other.

  23. You just move on. Remember the good times while moving onward anyway. The past is gone. You make new memories with new friends.

    Ppl die, move away, marry, have kids, etc. Sometimes, you change or just mature at different rates. Accept it and go forward. Prepare for new, great things.

  24. Found out best friend of 14 years was a serial rapist.

    Told him we were done being friends and kept going. It took me a couple weeks to process what he said and everything he did. It sucks. 5 years later and I still don’t have a friendship like we had.

  25. Just drifted apart, no hard feelings. I just went to his wedding and feel like i finally closed that chapter of my life; closure has helped:)

  28. I just stopped answering his calls/texts. His ego got way too big for his head and thought he was some ladies man and got involved with some hard drugs. I ended up getting a part of his image since we hung out, even though I was the exact opposite of him and I drove him everywhere we went.

    It’s been almost 15 years now and in the beginning it sucked because everyone kind of turned on me for ghosting him. But now I can’t believe that I was friends with him in the beginning. So many missed opportunities for myself.

  29. The concept of best friend is overrated just like the idea of a soulmate. Don’t mourn for those who betrayed you, go out and make new connections. Trust me, you can find better, more meaningful ones. Focus on yourself and do stuff that make you happy. Hopefully you’ll find people around you, doing the same

  30. My best friend of like 30 years killed himself 2 days before my wedding. He was the best man. The groomsmen obviously tried to keep it from me and waited until the last second to tell me.

    I roasted him at his funeral and it took a good few years to forgive him. How did I deal with it? Some tears, some drunken story nights with the dudes, etc. But life goes on.

  31. A great friend of mine since middle school (28 now) just slowly stopped messaging me and cut me off altogether. What hurts is the lack of explanation. Not that I am owed one but it would be clarifying.

    But I don’t force people to spend time with me. I delete from my phone and unfriend. Moved on with my life because there’s so much life to live. Not everyone is going to make it til the end. We can only enjoy people’s company in the moment and in our memories.

  32. Well, I lost the a childhood close friend twice. First over a big dumb fight in 2016 over the election. We didn’t speak for years. Not until 2022. Got a friend request from him.

    I moved back to my childhood county/state. We were going to catch up over drinks.

    I kept putting it off as I settled into a new job and routine.

    He passed away in his sleep at 28 years old. His mom loved me as one of her own. I was a second big brother to his little bro. His grandparents adored me and would make a special type of pancakes with delicious syrup. Our childhood memories were so precious. A mutual friend called me as I was driving home from work.

    I am a coward and didn’t go to the funeral. I didn’t want to face it. His mom understood so did his little bro who is now three times taller than I remember him. They drove all the way up from Florida.

    I stuffed it all deep down. I am sure it’ll boil over and explode. I constantly find myself thinking oh yeah, fuck… my bro is gone forever.

    Fuck man.

  34. First one took his life. Next closest friend stopped talking to me and never told me why. I’ve just kind of been wandering around in a weird daze for years now. Try not to think about them anymore. Try to make new friends. Try to figure out what all went wrong when I do think about it.

  35. I suppressed it. Slowly over time I saw the ways he was a bad friend and actually narcissistic. Don’t get me wrong, he was a good friend to me a lot. What ended up ruining it is his refusal to acknowledge my wife and disregard for her when making any sort of plans. At this point, I just remember the good times we had periodically but know there won’t be another chance.

  36. It burned me worse than 10 heartbreaks combined. We’re friends for over 22 years.

    You live and learn.

  37. One of my best friends for over a decade, we had a dumb falling out over video games and he decided that was worth cutting me off over. He (and the rest of my friend group) had done it before, so it didn’t really surprise me. Didn’t really care that the rest of them stopped talking to me, but I thought we had a good enough relationship to talk it out. Guess I was wrong.

    Tried to open a door to communication, he ignored it. Eventually had the realization that waiting around for the rest of my life for him to decide I was worthy was a waste of time. Blocked him, and suddenly he’s trying to reach out, as I found out through his brother (who I still talk to and consider a close friend).

    I didn’t handle it well at first, especially on those days when I wasn’t doing anything and knew they were all hanging out. Hit me hard. Around that time though, I had met some new friends from work and once I started hanging out with them more frequently, it helped get my mind off the whole thing.

    Now it’s something I don’t think about too often. That being said, I haven’t been back in town since it happened, so I’m sure things would be awkward if I did go back. I’ll worry about that one later, though.

  38. The hardest part about when your long…. long time friend stops talking to you is that, you will never know why.

    It could be something false a mutual friend said about you. It could be something that he or she assumed. Or it could be something about themselves that you never knew about them that they don’t want you to find out about.

    But not knowing why you lost your best friend without any explanation makes you feel like maybe it would have been better if you were never friends in the first place.

    Because you have to live the rest of your life with it.

    Even though you never did anything wrong.

  39. The same as if that friend had died. There are ghosts involved either way, eh?
    I’ve had to let quite a few go over the years. Betrayals of a sort, sometimes legal issues, but usually some unpleasant revelation. Ghosting has always felt like the most humane method.

    Depends highly on the situation and if you feel they deserve to be spoken to at some point in life again…or shunned and force-fed live bumblebee’s like those ancient Amish rituals you see in the movies.

    ***TLDR: Perform the ancient Amish ritual to be’ghost thine former friend….Then Apply the Bee’s.***

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