25 year old male here. There is this chick (29F) that I met little over a year ago and as soon as we started talking we hit it off. Initially we met on business but our chemistry was damn near perfect. It’s as if we knew each other our whole lives. I knew she had 4 kids but at the time I wasn’t really thinking about us being together long term. By the 2nd date we had sex and within weeks we decided to start dating while growing closer as time went on. All of her kids have active fathers in their lives so I never really had to interact with them on that level. The whole time I’ve only been focused on her besides occasional interactions.
Everything was good until the unthinkable happened….She ended up pregnant. Being that I had no kids of my own I panicked but she ensured me everything would be fine and being that we already were well acquainted I decided to continue the relationship. We’ve had our occasional ups and downs but for the most part we still made it. I even moved in with her for a limited time and her kids are nice but they were also handful. The house constantly turner into a mess and even though she enforced rules on cleaning up they still reverted back to their ways. Her living in a low income area while I came from a middle class background doesn’t make things easier. This caused tension between us and I’d complain about it a lot until one day we got into a big argument and she kicked me out. However, that break up only lasted for a few days because I called myself making things right to stay in the picture for the sake of the baby (no one likes child support).
Despite getting back together I didn’t move back in with her and now I have my own spot (and she was cool with this). The only issue is she’s DEEPLY in love with me at this point and now she’s talking about things like marriage and all of us (her kids included) staying under one roof. However, being that it didn’t work out the first time I’ve been on the fence about it. The baby being born (she’s a month old now) doesn’t make it any easier. The two parent household is most ideal yet I value my peace and would rather stay in my own house unless her kids make some drastic changes, which I don’t see happening because her oldest is approaching adolescence (teen years are a critical point), her twins are reaching preadolescent age and her second youngest is still in toddler stage (3 years old). What do I do? Do I stay? Do I leave and risk paying child support? (That’s what I’m most afraid of). Despite her circumstances she’s a excellent woman and always came through for me. I’m not entirely comfortable transitioning from the childless life to a house full of 5 kids. I’ll do what’s right to take care of the child but I’m not sure I wanna actually build a life with this woman. Any advice?
17 comments
One word advice: RUN 🏃♂️
You may want to talk to a lawyer to find out what your rights and obligations are. But if you don’t want to have a romantic relationship with this woman, you’ll have to make that clear to her sooner rather than later.
Lol she had 4 kids with different fathers and you thought you would be different. Easy come doesn’t mean it’s worth it. Why would you sleep with someone on the second date anyway? You thought you were such a stud and that you were so smart without realizing how much you had to lose.
You can try living with her for a little while to see if you can adjust, but essentially I don’t think she’s gonna get an abortion so you are on the hook for child support. Also you basically ruined the rest of your life bc most sensible single woman don’t want to date someone who already has a kid and is paying child support.
Have you DNA test the kid?
Was it really unthinkable? Paternity test?
Wow… good for you for staying “in the picture” with respect to your own child with her. She can request child support from you right now, so you may want to talk to a lawyer just to get some legal advice you can trust. You are in very unique territory so I’m not sure how many of us can help you otherwise. Good luck.
I gotta admit I laughed at this post “…the unthinkable happened…” yeah she’s got 4 kids it wasn’t unthinkable and I kinda feel like it was planned. But I really don’t trust people.
That being said families are what you make them. Talk to her maybe you two could live next door to each other or something. To me it sounds like you like her a lot. See what she willing to work with.
4 kids all with active fathers paying, and you’re the 5th now, yep that’s not suspicious at all. Now I’m not condoning this but the only real shot you have at “escaping” child support is to waive parental rights but that’s easier said than done, judge isn’t going to just say gg if your reasoning is that you don’t want to pay child support. This is why you screen what you stick your dick into
People with kids come as a package. You shouldn’t have been romantically involved with this woman knowing she had kids, and you had a problem with it. Also both of you should have been more cautious to prevent pregnancy. In theory you can go to court and relinquish you parental rights to the child, however I’m not very knowledgeable on this and don’t know exactly how that works. As well you will certainly be looked down upon for taking that course of action.
We’ll go to court and get a paternity test and look forward to the next 18 years of child support payments. Get ready to be stuck co parenting with this woman unless you sign away all rights, pay a fuck ton and don’t want to know or help raise your child
You don’t live with your child. You should ALREADY be paying child support. Just because you’re currently fucking her mother doesn’t mean you get to not financially support your child.
I suppose she can add you to her baby daddy rotation. Just keep dating her but don’t live with her or marry her. Eventually you might break up, but meanwhile, raise the kid together and have fun!
Either way, you already limited your shot/narrowed your options for having a family with another woman, because what woman is going to be ok with you having a kid with a woman who has 4 other kids. She’s gonna be like hm that looks like a hole in my household pocket if I pick this guy that has a kid with that situation. So, since you really like this woman, you may as well make the most of it. Enjoy one day at a time, and don’t worry about things or overthink anything. Gonna take a bit of a mindshift and out of the box thinking. Now, once she has the baby, don’t give her kid #6 ..
Why are you trying to hard to avoid child support? You can’t avoid it. You ejaculated sperm into her, and this is the price you have to pay for it. Just keep a good relationship with the mom and don’t make her get mad at you and take you to court. If you have a bad relationship with her and she has to get a court order to make you pay, then it is what it is. Give her money freely for the kid and keep good records of it.
Tell her that you don’t want a life where you’re all under one roof, that you value your peace. Options are you stay together and live in two separate places or you break up. Child support probably wouldn’t be that much anyway. Definitely cheaper to pay child support than pay with your peace.
You talk about child support and how it affects you and how it’s the most terrible thing in the world, but it’s legitimately for your child! There’s a whole other person in the picture now and your post reeks of only thinking for yourself.
She’s clearly a package deal with her kids, it’s not going to change. She clearly doesn’t know how to choose men. Save her the heartache and end it early if you k ow you’re not going to step up, but yeah financially support the kid you helped make.
RIP. You got baby trapped. Good fight, son.
the chick who has 4 kids from different fathers before she turned 30 falling pregnant again is unthinkable. amazing
You could try for primary custody when the kid is old enough to be weaned, I suppose.
The ovulation tracking for birth control is the stupidest thing after the pull out method. Sperm can be stored in there for some time, even if it’s the ‘off’ time. You literally fucked around and found out.
You can be straight with her, and tell her that her 4 kids are hers, and you’re not their parent. You can try to keep the relationship you have now, but it sounds like she wants to build it. You can separate, and go for custody.
It is what it is. Life doesn’t always line up the way you prefer it to, and you have to suck it up and shoulder your responsibilities, unless you plan on running away and being an immature man child for the rest of your life. You made this situation, and you have to look at the options in front of you and make your choices. I suggest some counseling first.