I (F28) have very high sex drive and it drives me crazy. Me and my boyfriend (M27) have amazing sex whenever we have it but it’s way too rare for me. He says that he has high sex drive but always finds an excuse not to have sex. He is healthy, fit, young man but he always complains that he is either tired or too bloated or doesn’t feel ready for it.
I don’t think he is cheating but he is working a lot. I feel constantly restless and unsatisfied, also rejected when I initiate but get turned down. I feel like I’m going crazy and have bad thoughts about starting an affair just to get satisfied. I am just scared to ruin the relationship with it. But not sure what to do more.
P.S. I have talked about it with him many times and nothing has changed 🥲 i also experienced the same in my past relationship leaving me think that i must be crazy to be this horny. I am fit, beautiful woman and currently we have sex max once a week. Oh and masturbation is not enough for me.
28 comments
I have the same problem in my relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been with her for a very long time and I’m no longer sure that there is any solution. That being said, I don’t want to cheat on her, so I use the “content” on reddit to satisfy my needs 😀
perhaps you have some secrets about why you are so horny, so that I can advise her on this?
Wait, once a week?! Are you serious? That’s horrible. I was thinking you were getting it once a day. And the crazy thing is that I would still sympathize with you. When you’re horny with the right person, there is no such thing as “too much.”
Find yourself a better boyfriend. You are merely choosing the wrong partners. You should be easily able to find someone better.
Is it possible he’s depressed if he’s working all the time and doesn’t have any energy for his personal life?
Would probably break his heart to read you would consider an affair for any reason, let alone something like sex. A genuine, loving relationship with a respectful partner isn’t worth losing over sex. It seems like such a rare thing and if it’s what you have, try to preserve it. You are young though, he might not be the one. If he is or isn’t, it should be based on more than sex. Being so horny that you start to make irrational choices that degrade your character, like cheating isn’t good for you. Try learning to meditate, maybe.
How often you get horny ?
Nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly normal. Women naturally have insatiable sex drives.
You are simply mismatched libidos. If you’ve spoken to him and still nothing, I hate to say this will continue to get worse for you. Try using some sex toys and masturbate until you are fully satisfied. No shame in that.
But if it comes down to it, there is nothing wrong in having to get out of that relationship due to mismatched libidos. It’s a perfectly acceptable reason to do so, so that you can be fully happy.
Don’t obligate him, please. If you really love him, respect his sexual drive. If the lack of sex is too much for you, just leave him. You mention that this problem is following you from the past.
No one has to sexually change for you, or me.
I don’t know how you initiate sex, but you try seduction techniques. You can talk to him about your needs not being met enough and try to find a compromise (he might agree to you having a FWB) but cheating is not the answer.
How many times a week do you need?
r/Deadbedrooms r/HLCommunity and r/HL_Women_only will be able to offer support.
I have experienced same and is so difficult to keep it from messing with your self image. If it doesn’t change through communication you may have to set a hard time frame for leaving. Or let it eat away at you for years. It tears you and the bonds of the relationship down the longer you maintain the relationship on their terms.
Oh to find a woman like you. Where is my future HL woman. Good luck.
Men always want a woman who is always down until they have one ,he doesn’t have to be fully evolved to satiate your needs , look into doing yourself infront of him for example , or maybe you have a deeper itch to scratch x
Sexual compatibility is a crucial factor in relationships and is 100% a justified reason to leave someone. My first advice was to communicate with him and talk this through and see if things change. But it sounds like you’ve already done that. If that’s the case, yes, you’re with the wrong guy.
The only other thing you can do is find out if it’s something you can control. Is there something small you can do for him that makes him feel loved and hot for you that could lead to more consistent sex?
For example, I know that it makes my wife so happy when she knows I went out of my way to do the smallest things for her. Picking up her favorite snack on the way home from work. Doing more than just my share of the chores. Taking care of our daughter all night. Coming up behind her and hugging her and kissing her neck. Write her a love note. Small easy things. But they make her feel super loved and they almost always turn into her wanting to repay the small favor with sexy time 🙂
Oh, and as others said, he may be depressed. I had no idea I was depressed and it wasn’t until I got on some meds that brought out the best version of myself that I realized how much depression was affecting my daily life and attitude.
You are not crazy and you’re not “too horny”
My partner and I have sex once a day and have done so since the day we met. Unless one of us is extremely sick.
Sometimes twice a day. But mostly once a day.
The fact that he isn’t hearing you is a problem.. It doesn’t change. It gets worse.
Can I ask what do you discuss when you actually discuss this with him?
I’ve been going through a very similar thing with my boyfriend. However, his is more medication related – doesn’t take the sting of rejection away though. The HL Community reddit has been very helpful in the support area for me, even just in reading other people’s experiences.
Maybe have a discussion about your mismatched libido’s and see if he has a solution to help remedy it on his end. Affairs, in my opinion, are never the answer and does not solve the real problem at hand, which is communication within your relationship. If the conversation goes south, that’s when you start to figure out what is more worth it to you, him or a stable sex life. Best of luck!
PLEASE read the book Attached before proceeding any further with this relationship. This isn’t depression, it’s avoidance and the more serious your relationship gets the more he will try to avoid sex to reclaim some independence and the more frustrated you will be.
Why not try to help him overcome whatever he’s dealing with? Why all this?
The dude is working a lot, maybe he wants to love you better, and he’s depressed because he feels tired all the time and can’t be as a good partner as he wante. Instead of helping him all you’re concern is about how little you fuck?? Considering cheating on him??
Lazy and selfish from you. You’re dangerous.
It sounds like he has responsive desire. When he says he doesn’t feel ready, are you doing anything to help him relax or get turned on?
From a guy’s stand point u have to get hard and working, food, bloated ess , stress all are factors that can hinder his libido
He should try cutting out gluten from his diet for a while
You said he’s fit and healthy. But how about you ? Maybe something wrong with your body ?
That really sucks. Opposite issue for me! Could definitely be depression. Sometimes people are just tired if they work too much, too. Is he sleeping a lot? If he isnt sleeping well he could not be at his max libido. Theres health stuff to look into for sure before you just leave him hahah
Have you considered an open relationship?
He’s a porn addict.
How often do y’all have sex and how often do you want it?
Once a week for a fit young man is not nearly enough. I’m 53 and healthy and I want it every day!
I think you are high sex drive, and he is average sex drive. High sex drive people don’t find excuses to get out of sex. Even on the worst of days, sex rejuvenates us HL, and we crave it.
Maybe he is stressed out from work, but still, a high sex drive person would want sex. A lot of people, especially guys, say “I’m high sex drive” because it’s something to brag about, feel mature, and excuse porn use. Maybe he’s been with even lower sex drive women who only want sex every couple months. It’s common for libido talks to go nowhere because the lower libido partner sets the pace. You might have to find a higher libido guy if your needs aren’t being met. It’s not fair to either of you to stay in an incompatible relationship.
You’d rather cheat than just leave? Or go to therapy together