So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. When we first started having sex we always used condoms and he would last a decent amount of time and we were both able to finish. Since we stopped using them he finishes super fast every time. The only time i can ever finish is if I’m on top, but he told me he doesn’t like that position bc it doesn’t feel as good for him. The other positions we do, he always cums in 2 minutes or less, sometimes he will cum in literally less than 10 seconds of penetration. We do some foreplay, but he rarely eats me out even after I’ve asked for it a few times. I’ve given him lots of blow jobs and he always cums. After we (he) finishes he’s always apologetic bc he knows it was fast. He never wants to finger or eat me out after he cums in me because he doesn’t want his own cum in his mouth/on his hands which I guess I can understand. So 90% of the time I’m just left completely unsatisfied. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to resent him and I even feel kind of used because he cums every time we have sex and I rarely do. When I suggested we try using condoms again so he could last longer he got upset and shut down and didn’t want to talk anymore. What do I do? I love him and I can see a future with him, but I know sex is an important part of any relationship and I’m not sure how to fix this.
47 comments
Make it a deal breaker , since I had a friend that was kept being used for sex whenever she fell for a guy and they always kept stringing her along , she now in better relationships of all past ones . You deserve to cum and pleasure as well . Cuz you ever marry this person, will he still do the same when y’all that serious or what if this effects y’all normal relationship?
Guys often can’t help finishing quickly, or at least it’s very hard to train up to last longer. But usually they can make up for it with foreplay, or with doing different positions that are better for you.
The fact that he’s not willing to make more of an effort to make up for his lack of stamina is just straight up selfish. Sure, it might not feel as good for him when you’re on top, but it’s better for you, and sometimes we have to make a bit of effort for our partners.
He’s acting very entitled and selfish, and I think you need to stand up to him. He can’t just have his own way all the time, he can’t just get his and not give back. Until he’s willing to make more effort in that aspect, I don’t see why you should let him get what he wants. After all, what are you getting out of it?
Why does sex end when he cums? Does he lack hands and a mouth?
Edit: turns out he’s got the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. “Cum is icky” is the stance of someone who is not ready to have sex.
Require condoms again. Easy fix!
He sounds like a very selfish lover that does not prioritize, let alone even consider, your pleasure. If you’ve brought this up and he refuses to lift a finger (or insert one) then he’s not going to start paying attention to your pleasure anytime soon. Return boyfriend for a new one that actually cares about his partner’s pleasure.
Sounds like he is only interested in sex for him.
Find you a boyfriend who makes YOUR pleasure a priority. This guy sucks.
Wear condoms again….
He doesn’t like being on top because it’s not as pleasurable for him. Your response should be
“Bitch it’s not always about you”
Plus it seems that other stuff is too pleasurable for him.
The issue isn’t how long (short) he last. The issue is he’s a selfish, entitled lover who doesn’t give a fuck about your pleasure.
Extremely selfish attitude. I myself have a problem where I either cum to quick or not at all, but before I do cum (or not) I always make sure that I have made my partner. Sex is a two way street and he obviously doesn’t have the maturity and respect for you to care if you get off. I would be having a very serious conversation with him and if he tries to shut it down then maybe just start refusing sex with him.
He is a selfish lover. Yeah no you have only been dating a couple months. Break it off and move on.
What about blowing him as foreplay and going piv for the second round?
So it’s a problem if sex doesn’t feel as good for him, but it’s fine if it doesn’t feel as good for you? He’s being extremely selfish and hypocritical. I think you’re right. You *are* being used.
How often do you guys have sex?
He’s selfish, are you sure you want to pursue this? Or he is willing to cooperate with you, or it’s time to go.
Don’t let things progress to PIV until you have orgasmed. Just say, in a sexy encouraging voice, “lets slow down, I’m not there yet” and repeat repeat repeat until he gets the hint.
Do not let him penetrate you until YOU are ready for sex to end in 10 seconds. He’ll get it, eventually.
I’m assuming you both aren’t ready to be parents. So solve two issues by using condoms.
Also red flag that he won’t do you on top just because it’s not as good for him and he won’t eat you out …. He should care about your pleasure
If he shuts down when you mention you are upset. Then you are dating a toddler not a man
If you are okay dealing with that the rest of your life. Then keep dating him. Otherwise find better because trust me…there is better out there
Without reading the whole text, talk to him, if nothing changes it’s perfectly valid to end a relationship based on sexual incompatibility.
I say communicate and stand firm or find someone else. Also use condoms. No pullout method. You will get pregnant. Y”all are not even married yet and you are getting treated this way. Shame🤦🏾♀️.
Lay it out for him and let him choose. Either he gets better at foreplay including going down on you before so you can get yours and/or he can go back to condoms and/or he can come up with a solution outside of that which still involves you getting to orgasm every time to OR you don’t have sex. Pretty simple for him to pick and not asking for anything that he should be upset about.
Well tell him you’re not doing other positions because they don’t feel as good to you.
Don’t have sex with someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure.
If he doesn’t last that long that’s not his fault but he definitely can extend foreplay and use a toy on you, his fingers or if he’s in the mood oral and get you off first.
Is he the type of guy that can go multiple rounds? Alot of guys last longer the second time so if he gets off first like if you give him a hand job or oral and then he gets up again he might last longer (this only works if he can go a second round in a short period, I know some people have to wait before they can so this might not be helpful in your situation. )
As it stands, you should be getting off first so that when it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t last long after.
How old are y’all?
I have a fetish for pregnant women, I’m so attracted to them
Can someone please tell me if this is natural orr???
“So you’re beating me to the finish line a lot lately, which is fine, but obviously I’d like to come too. I’m instituting a “She Comes First” policy. You can commence pleasuring me now, then it can be your turn.”
If he doesn’t agree, dump him. I’m serious. It’s so unforgivably selfish not to care that your partner doesn’t enjoy sex.
Bring it up one more time, and if he gets upset or doesn’t listen drop him. There’s plenty of guys out there that care about making sure their partner finishes.
Cock rings
Seems like he is a bit selfish, and needs to listen to what you say and find a way around it
So ride him on top until you orgasm then flip him over and let him finish.
Seems in this relationship you’re gonna have to be the dom. If he cannot satisfy you after you have communicated clearly then it’s time to let him go.
Seriously. Sex as an umbrella label is the most intimate thing between two people. Exploring each other’s bodies. Understanding what each other likes or hates. What is good or bad etc
Sounds like you have been too nice and have trained him to think it’s ok to be his cum rag.
Oh no his own cum on his fingers? What a cop out. Teach that boy to please you or let him go
If he won’t listen to you now when you communicate about sex stuff. He won’t listen to you in the future about other things you want to talk to him about.
Break up before you invest more of your time with him. He can literally clean his hands to prevent his cum from going inside of you! Don’t you see he’s making excuses????? You sound young! Go get a bigger and better dick—- I mean man!!
On top works for you, why not be assertive? He’s getting his, it’s not wrong to get yours. He can get all these other positions after or even the next time you do it.
On behalf of all of mankind, I’d like to apologize profusely right now… beforehand… and with my arms extended behind my back, one palm in the other, one foot forward swaying back and forth; head down in complete and utter embarrassment…
This is classic premature (immature if you ask me) boy-jaculation that is happening here. Awful. It stinks of a lack of consideration to you and a vastly overwhelming need on his part; one that is suffocating him and his development.
The first thing we do to resolve this? As mature people, we sit down and **make things clear** calmly and collectedly. We vent our true feelings, and let our partner know what we need.
And then we try to grow as people.
If that can’t be managed, then we move on.
Your bf is selfish, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he begins showing himself selfish in other aspects in the relationship as time passes by.
You aren’t (sexually) compatible, full stop.
You now fully irrevocably recognize this.
What’s the next completely reasonable step?
I broke up with a guy due to this.
For men who orgasm quicker, I highly suggest making sure the lady orgasms first. Receiving PiV after orgasm often feels much better too since everything is more sensitive. If this is from making use of a toy or otherwise, that’s okay. If you are concerned about receiving pleasure and he isn’t open to even the idea, it might be a good idea to find someone who is. If you’re not happy now, you won’t be later.
Yeah, as many have said already, you can do better! If he is unwilling to pleasure you now, that is unlikely to change in the future. He sounds very self-centred and immature.
Felt. Oh god I feel so bad but I can’t get myself to say something bc he would be humiliated. He already feels bad about it and jokes about it and it makes me feel bad so I just tell him I finished even though I never once have 🙁 I am not someone with a super high sex drive and I still enjoy it but I am so curious how much more id enjoy it.
Don’t have sex for him. Have sex for you. If the sex you’re having isn’t satisfying, stop having it. You’re hurting yourself.
It really is that simple.
You are not here to be used for his pleasure any more than he is here to be used for yours. If it feels uneven, it is. You’re letting him take advantage of you, even if you know he’s not trying to be shitty- he unfortunately has ended up there.
You’re creating a negative association in your brain with sex, hardwiring it. Even if you break up those won’t go away, and you’ll wonder why sex makes you feel bad “all of a sudden.” Please don’t do that to yourself, take advice from someone who did and save your fucking self, lmao.
Finishing fast and not knowing what to do is normal and very common. But having said that…
> The only time i can ever finish is if I’m on top, but he told me he doesn’t like that position bc it doesn’t feel as good for him.
That’s just red flag. He sounds like an asshole. Just tell him he’s shitty in bed and move on.
Read the book She Comes First. Better yet, read it together.
You need to have a conversation with him, if he isn’t willing to make some changes, it is time for a new BF
He sounds like a selfish asshole who doesn’t care at all about your needs.
Is there no round 2? I’ve been with guys who finish fast the first time but it didn’t matter because round 2 was more satisfying. The fact he’s unwilling to fulfill your needs after he gets his is the real concern and a red flag.
I use to always be like that, so I always planned for round 2 after a few minutes. Just help him stay interested.
My soul is exhausted from seeing this exact post on r/sex every 5 seconds