So I almost always freely share my dislike of sth in a conversation but recently I got the impression that it’s not always the best conversation skill to boast especially when you like your conversation partner. I noticed that some people express that they dislike you by expressing they don’t like sth you like. And recently when I was once on the receiving end of this, while I was “ok” that he didn’t like what I liked, I noticed it doesn’t help the conversation flow very much cause it threw me off a little. (And it wasn’t that he didn’t like me, he was someone who seemed to be lacking social skills.)
At the same time I think it’s important to feel free to express your own preference in a conversation, so maybe it’s a timing thing? That you can share your dislike of sth but not right after someone said they liked it?
One way I tried was to say, “I’m not a fan of sth because of sth sth,” but to add, “but it’s good.” Instead of just saying “I don’t like it”. But “but it’s good” also sounds a bit like I’m people-pleasing….which I hate.
What do you think?
5 comments
Be curious about why they like it. If you really like the person you should be legitimately curious. There are two options for most cases as far as I can tell:
1. The person shares a new (to you) perspective that lets you see the thing in a different light and allows you to appreciate some aspect of the thing. Obviously this is a good outcome.
2. The person shares their perspective and it does not lead you to like the thing any more than you did, but it does allow you to better flesh out your concept of the other person and the ways they are different from yourself. This is still a good outcome because now you know the person a little better.
In general, curiosity is a very broadly useful conversational skill.
I totally get what you mean! It’s always a delicate balance between expressing your own preferences and not offending others
Timing and phrasing definitely play a role in maintaining a smooth conversation flow
Maybe finding a middle ground by acknowledging your dislike but also acknowledging the positives could be a good approach
Keep the conversation respectful and open-minded!
If they didn’t ask for your opinion – keep it to yourself.
You could also say “not my cup of tea”. You don’t need to explain why you’re not a fan of it (i personally oftentimes don’t know it myself), as sometimes the explanation might be seen as bashing the thing (especially if those aspects are the ones they like).
Its ok to let someone know you dont like what they like but there’s no reason that the relationship cant function properly depending on how much weight that thing holds in your life.
It’s usually better to not say you dislike something someone else likes unless it’s something you really don’t like and borders on hate.
If they ask you questions about it, then of course just say something like, “I don’t watch that” or “I’ve never done it” or “I’ve never played it.” It won’t be as harsh as saying you don’t like it but it will also show you’re not faking that you like it either.
And then it might also help to switch topics so you and the other person don’t feel awkward about it.