What surprised you when you and your partner started Living together?

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1. This is gonna sound extremely stupid but after first week or two, I called my mom and said “mom, this man is always around??” You might say that, ofc he’s around it’s his home too but in my culture my dad, my grandpa has always been out of the way, busy with their own thing, not much opinion to share unless being asked. They either had a room where they spent time in or they hung out with their buddies in the neighbourhood unless plans were made or we needed something. They were involved male models but never in the way.

   My then bf, now husband comes from a similar culture which he obviously didn’t agree with. He was always there, always asking questions and trying to understand/improve stuff. I wanted to tell him to go find a hobby but I didn’t because that was his way of showing attention and presence. Also this was a way forward because our cultures were backwards were men and women has assigned roles and they don’t mix up. I didn’t notice that while I didn’t agree with most, I actually happily looked forward to some. For example decoration. Men in my family never had a say on decoration. But my husband was involved in every detail. Realising how it made me feel helped me see that I had my own biases so I worked on letting them go.

   Further down the line, I learned to include him more and he learned to let me handle things.

2. He doesn’t remember things. Ever. Even the simplest stuff I could’ve been telling him all day it’s always “but I didn’t know” or “oh, I forgot.” It’s honestly testing the limits of my already abysmal patience.

3. How amazingly natural and easy it was. I had lived alone for 17 years and I was petrified of living with another person. I’m so independent and uncompromising and used to having everything my way. But it was perfect. We enjoyed it so much that within six months we got married. It’s been five years now.

4. How easy it was, wayyy easier than living with my sister. Less arguing and just incredibly easy and simple, him always willing to split house chores even when he worked more than i did, etc.

5. How messy he was, how resentful I became about picking up after him constantly, how our sex life tanked due to my resentment of feeling like his mommy. Yep – a huge reason why I don’t want to live with a partner again. I love my own space

6. That his ADHD requires me to be very literal in my communication.

7. How easy it was (and still is after 24 years)

8. I moved in to his house the first day we start our relationship so I’ll say everything 🫣

9. When we lived separately I’d sit on his bed while he washed, dried, folded and put away his clothes the same time every week.

   We moved in 6 years ago, and from day 1 It’s like he suddenly forgot how to turn on a washing machine. 🤦‍♀️

   I do his washing and dump it on our bed for him to put away. He will push it off the bed each night and after a few nights eventually get to it.

   He’s pretty good in all other aspects of housekeeping, but bloody hell – turns out laundry regression is a thing!

10. He’s very clean, very neat and doesn’t mind vacuuming. Like, what the fuck lol