This is a pretty crazy story, so buckle up. For the past four years, my husband has been having psychotic breaks. One a year around the same time. The first few were mild, derealization. The most recent was intense. He got vioent and hit his father. He was completely on another planet. We thought it was his epilepsy causing this, but turns out it’s the combination of marijuana and his meds. He promised to never put me, his daughter or family in danger ever again and promised to never use marijuana again. I told him if he did it would be the end of our relationship. The other day I come home from work. The window is broken. Furniture is moved around. Our stool in on the floor. The door is off its hinges. He’s not working right now because he’s on disability preparing for surgery for his epilepsy. I ask him what happened. He said he had a bad seizure. I believe this. Sure it’s quite a bit of damage but his seizures and postictal state can be quite rough sometimes. I am alarmed but I don’t think anything of it. I am how I am to him any time he has a seizures. I am ultra loving and take it easy on h I handle the baby care. I let him rest. I send him encouraging messages the next day while I’m at work. “We’ll get through this. I’m always here for you.” The next day I come home. I notice there’s a hole in the wall. He’s in the process of caulking it. I ask him about it. He says he lost his balance and elbowed the wall. Okay….at the end of the night after a long day, I sit down to watch tv. The baby is asleep and I can finally rest. I turn on the television…it’s completely wrecked. Like someone had thrown a stool into it…. Everything starts to click. My husband didn’t have a seizure…something else happened. I ask him point blank if he had another psychotic episode. He says he doesn’t know. I ask him if he smoked marijuana. He says no. I know he’s lying. I ask him again. He says he didn’t believe that was the cause of everything. I am livid. He knows. He just didn’t care enough about our safety and relationship to care. I want to end my marriage because of this. Who knows what could’ve happened if I was there. If our daughter was there. Our poor dog. Who knows the fear he had to experience. He has no respect for me. Or us. Am I being too black and white about this situation?
Tdlr: husband used marijuana and lied about it.
31 comments
You told him your boundary last time, you can stick by it or get cracked in the head with a stool because someone can’t abstain from losing their mind on a substance that reacts that terribly. It’s not even the marijuana part, it’s the lying and endangering your whole family willingly for nothing. Take pictures of everything, keep records of these episodes because he’s going to tell everyone and their cousin that you’re leaving him ‘just because of some marijuana.’ Do what you need to do for your family babe.
Damn trashy people doing drugs what’s new
Are you certain it’s marijuana causing this? Usually people who smoke marijuana do not get violent. This sounds like another type of mental disorder.
This is no longer about your husband and your marriage. This is about no longer being safe in your own home. If he goes into these violent uncontrollable rages, then you and your daughter are no longer safe with him.
So, I have the same bottom line for the same reason. It seems to induce bipolar issues and psychosis in my husband. I’ve been through full sectioning twice and told him in no fucking uncertain terms that if he uses, it will destroy me but I will leave to protect our child. I will not fix it if he doesn’t care enough to help.
I’ve watched this shit and it’s scary. If he doesn’t respect you, then you either stay and accept it, or leave and stay safe.
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Is rehab/na/therapy an option? If you two can afford it do it.
Why tf is he insisting on smoking marijuana he knows he has these types of reactions? Not cool. And then lying about it? Your in your rights to leave. His mental disorder is one thing…but he’s not even trying to get take the proper treatment to get better. He’s not considering your safety or the kid’s. He’s deliberately sacrificing this just to smoke weed even though he knows it will cause a psychotic reaction. He’s obviously sound of mind enough to lie about it and try to cover his tracks.
Not too black and white. Kick him tf out!
No, you are not being to black or white.
He has made the choice to on multiple occasions put himself and others at risk – if the MJ is the cause of him having VIOLENT psychotic breaks, and he STILL decides to smoke, then he is not in the right place to be in a relationship or family.
You need to protect your child, your dog, yourself, and get out of the house (or get him out). After you are out, you need to tell others what is going on before he goes around crying bout you leaving him – do not be embarrassed because this is NOT your fault. They need to know what is up so you can have support.
Your husband is being very, very foolish, and at this point, he doesn’t care.
You warned him.
He said ‘fuck it’.
Now you need to protect your baby, dog and self.
In my 30 years of smoking marijuana and being in an entire circle of people who smoke marijuana, I’ve never known, have heard about, or even implied that marijuana causes an increase in violent behavior. In fact, it’s, in my experience, been the opposite. My dad was violent so when he’d get worked up I’d smoke a bowl or two to calm him down.
All that said, no matter how you swing it, blame or don’t blame the marijuana, the man is having fits of violence and is not pursuing help. Nor does he seem to think your worry is legit. I’ll just leave it there.
Leave this idiot before he hurts you and the baby. If you want to put yourself in danger feel free but don’t leave a baby around a violent drug addict. And before anyone says you can’t be addicted to marijuana well he is. If you can’t give something up you are addicted to it.
He probably really likes getting high and thought he could get away with it without you noticing. Classic stoner mentality. He broke a promise, he’s creating a chaotic and dangerous household, and medically he obviously has to stop. He need to grow up and quit it for good. Tell him to do the right thing or face the consequences.
I think he needs more help than we realize. I think he might be trying to hurt himself during an episode, cause he’s too scared to do it sober… Is he depressed?
Either way get him out of your house, he might easily hurt or even kill you, your baby or your dog. He doesn’t care at this point.
As a heavy smoker I am so confused. I can’t imagine smoking a fat blunt and then room wrecking. All I want to do is sleep and play video games.
His behavior is justifiable for divorce. Not sure what I can offer other than validation.
You told him if he did it again, that would be the end of your relationship. That was the right call. He did it anyway. He could’ve hurt you, your child, someone else. He WILL end up doing that if you stay. I’d also not be surprised if this has happened more than you’re aware of.
You need to take care of yourself, because this man does not care.
I’ve seen too many Misery Machine podcasts to know that when it comes to children… we need to take them OUT of that situation. Always.
Yeah you have a baby in the house, you cannot keep your baby in this environment.
He’s already chosen Marijuana over your family, so he needs to gtfo out the house to not further threaten the safety of you, the kid, and the dog.
You shouldn’t have to leave, he should. I feel so bad for you because you are trying so hard and did everything right in terms of supporting your spouse through a serious medical issue, and this POS lies to you, threatens the safety of the vulnerable dependant family members, destroys valuables, and doublesdown on the lie because again– all he cares about is getting high.
I’m no anti-drug zealot– cannabis has nearly miraculous healing properties in its many forms, many of which don’t even give a “recreational” high. But people who smoke it excessively, to the detriment of their family’s wellbeing, are just as shitty as any other junkie. After a point, they choose their drugs over any reasonable expectation of continuing receiving support from their family. Not just because drug abusers deserve the shitty fruit of their shitty labour, but because you as their family don’t.
You are not being too black-and-white.
Kick him out of the house and start the proceedings to separate. *Document everything*. document as much of the damage as you still can and any new behaviours of his.
Protect your dog and your kid. Do *not* let this man continue to put you at risk.
Get that baby away from this guy.
Him lying to you is 100% not okay. He betrayed your trust and put your family at risk. You’re right to be upset.
That being said, I still don’t understand how marijuana usage can cause these psychosis bouts of rage. I do know many medication treatments overlap with anti psychotics, anti depressants, and anti anxiety medications. I would be more inclined to believe (from an outside looking in perspective) that there is a different cause other than marijuana for these breaks, but I am absolutely not a doctor.
As you know, seizures can cause brain damage, and over stimulation of the brain can affect moods like anger and rage. Perhaps these breaks are part of the seizure disorder? Perhaps they’re a totally different issue? Maybe I’m just blatantly wrong.
That being said, he DID lie to you. And you have every reason to be upset. You need to consider how to move forward with this. Do you sit down and have a conversation like adults about this and explain how him lieing to you not only betrayed your trust, but put into question the safety of your family? (I think you should.) Do you stay with him after a discussion and agreement, and support him through these medical difficulties? Or do you say enough is enough, take your daughter, and separate? I feel like those are your only options. I don’t think anyone would blame you for leaving if you’re concerned about your safety, even if in most circumstances he’s a nice guy.
Take your daughter and dog and get out of there.
If he was smoking crack and displaying this exact behavior what would you do?
He is a danger for you and the child. He is an addict on a spiral down and he will drag you with him if you don’t stop supporting him.
Have you ever thought about having him forcibly checked into a mental ward? It seems like he’s having more than marijuana and med problems. He’s got an addiction that is putting everyone at risk. You need to do something before you come home to a dead dog or child.
You clearly set a boundary that if he ever does that again, you will leave. He stomped all over the boundary. You have a choice: uphold it, leave and keep you and your child safe, OR you can let him do it, stay, and show him he can do it all over again with no consequences.
The choice is yours.
This reminds me of my roomate in college. Would come home to blood on the walls and such, even though he was very composed in person. Some kind of self-harm mental state issue.
This is dangerous. If marijuana gives him these kinds of reactions and he refuses to give it up, he is putting you and your family at risk. He attacked his father, he’s *proven* to be dangerous. You need to protect yourself and more importantly your child.
I see that you’re in tune with the fact that this could end poorly but I feel compelled to tell you about a lovely physical therapist on Instagram — one night her previously not violent husband had a psychotic break from the mushrooms he was using and mixing with some other meds and almost beat her to death in front of her children. This took her totally by surprise. Her face is disfigured and she lost an eye. Please take his lack of responsibility seriously and leave. <3
Why does he keep smoking if he has psychotic breaks wtf.
That doesn’t sound fun.