Northerner here, and I recently had a pleasant but possibly confusing experience with a southerner. We were staying at a lovely resort and were chatting with a women from South Carolina. At the end we asked if she could take a quick picture of our family. She seemed to gladly accept, and then at the end said “bless your hearts” as she walked away. This is not a common saying in the Great Lakes, but I was under the impression it was an insult. It seemed very nice, but the non-directness of southerners (and Minnesotans) still throws me off lol. Did we upset her, or can this be used for it’s true intended meaning depending on context?
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the extent to which that is meant in a mean and insulting way is vastly, vastly overblown on reddit. I am sure she meant it nicely.
I always take it as a backhanded compliment. Though when I was in the south, I barely ever heard anyone say it. Might be a demographic thing though.
The internet REALLY likes to overstate how often it’s used negatively.
Most of the time it’s just a generic statement of goodwill. She just thought y’all seemed nice or made a cute family or whatever and wanted to say something positive on the way out.
Its only an insult in a minority of cases. Its normally a general well-wish.
The person in your story was saying thank you, in her way.
I was born and raised in the Great Lakes, lived in NC for most of my adult life. Yes, it can be used as intended, it is not always sarcastic. In this instance, it’s almost a certainty that it was a well wish.
The internet has blown this way out of proportion. In most cases it is a genuine well wish.
Yes. It was not commonly used in my personal experience, except by my mom, who being a heavily-involved church person, would be on the phone a lot and use that phrase fairly frequently.
Nope. It’s always condescending and passive aggressive. Every time I hear it, I feel like ripping my hair out.
It is almost always used sincerely. It is extremely obvious when it is not, and mostly a myth. – a native North Carolinian
As a Southerner, I’ve rarely heard anyone but elderly people say it to someone’s face, and then it’s generally well-intended. On the other hand, I have heard people say things like “bless their heart” to signal that someone had gotten into some minor trouble because of their own stupidity.
Maybe, but I’ve never heard it said with pure love.
I use the phrase a lot. Probably because my mom is an old country woman.
I have never used it as a jab towards someone (like a fuck you). But occasionally yeah- it’s a pity (you poor thing). Most of the time it’s sincere.
I have never ever heard it used irl as a fuck you either.
But I don’t attend church. So maybe that’s where those people are getting it.
I have heard it plenty of times tho. Mostly by more rural people. Or older folks.
It’s usually used sincerely. It essentially just means “how sweet”. I’ve heard it used in earnest a million times, generally from older women.
Everyone I know uses it earnestly, not as an insult.
I don’t ever use it condescendingly because i’m not an asshole.
Now had you not agreed to let her take your picture, then she said “bless your heart”, that would be sarcastic
I live in the Northeast so I almost never hear it in everyday conversation, just on social media. It’s almost always used when people argue online and meant to be an insult. Same with “Oh you sweet summer child!” In your case, the woman probably thought your family was adorable, and was genuine.
Probably 80% of the time or more it’s completely earnest. Reddit thinks it’s used as an insult way more than it actually is used that way.
(Reddit also seems to think it’s way worse than it actually is when used as an insult. Used insultingly it’s just calling someone dumb, it’s far from “one the worst things a Southerner can say to someone” which is a claim I’ve seen made a few times on Reddit).
As you live assume everything said is well meaning and you live better. If it wasn’t well meaning who cares ya know
Yes it can, though the internet has mostly ruined it now.
Sometimes it’s just a meaningless nice expression, like “good luck” or “have a nice day.”
Sometimes it can be a sincere expression of sympathy. If your 70-year-old Baptist Sunday School teacher in Alabama says “bless your heart” when you tell her your dog died, she is genuinely wishing comfort and blessings on you.
Sometimes it can mean that someone is sympathetic but also thinks you caused your own problems. If you tell that same Sunday School teacher that your face is bruised because you walked into a pole while texting, AND it’s not even the first time this has happened, she will probably say “bless your heart.” She really does feel sorry for you because you’re injured, but she also feels sorry for you for being an idiot.
Sometimes, it can be a polite f.u. to someone who is being obnoxious. If someone is being so pigheaded and rude that it’s not even worth the effort to argue, “bless your heart” might be the best thing to say. The obnoxious fool may not realize it, but they *have* been blessed because the other person has chosen to give a mild response rather than rip them a new one.
It’s a myth that it’s always an insult. It’s often genuinely meant.
It certainly can be an insult. Heard it both ways all my life. The simplest way to tell is if it sounds like it’s said sarcastically. You can also consider the context.
I imagine it can be hard to tell for sure if you aren’t used to the saying or to Southern accents.
Lifelong Southerner here. Contrary to popular belief on the internet, “bless your heart,” does not actually mean, “ fuck you, you’re an idiot.” It can be used condescendly, sometimes, but you can tell by the tone whether it’s a little dig at someone. That’s usually a “well, bless your little heart.” In reality, it’s usually more of a taking pity on someone who is going through a rough time.
Don’t overthink it. She didn’t insult you. You didn’t offend her. You met a friendly, nice Southern lady. That’s it.
She meant that sincerely. When we say it as an insult, we ladle a large helping of sarcasm into the statement and it’s unquestionably a tongue-in-cheek dig at the recipient.
“Insult” is really too strong of a word. It’s more like pity and teasing combined.
It is more often meant in earnest than not. Like, “thanks a lot” can definitely be sarcastic but most of the time it simply means thank you, emphatically.
Bless your heart can go either way… which is why it’s so effective to use passive-aggressively but still can be said sincerely
Reddit has created this myth. While it is sometimes used that way, it’s been Flanderized to only that meaning on Reddit.
It’s all about the context. You need to ask yourself, would this person have added a thank you or some other similar positive phrase with it? That’s usually the easiest way to tell.
I work with a lady from Virginia who says it all the time. It’s always said with good intent. She doesn’t have a rude bone in her body.
If it didn’t sound condescending in tone, it was probably sincere.
Yes, **absolutely**.
In fact, most of the time it’s totally sincere.
The internet has *vastly* exaggerated the sarcastic use of it. Yes, it can be used in a sarcastic way to put someone down or as a way to say something to someone you don’t like without saying anything bad. . .but the normal use in real-life is totally sincere.
Why would “bless your hearts” be an insult? It is a common phrase in the south.
I’m southern, have lived here my entire life, it’s not a common phrase to begin with. Like I can probably count on my two hands how many times ive heard it in my 40+ years. When people do say it I’ve only ever heard it in a well wishing kind of way.
Using it in a “fuck you” kind of way I’ve only ever seen on Reddit.
There is a handful of things that you’d think everyone does but I only ever see on Reddit and no one I know in real life actually does, the one example I always think of is washing your jeans only once a year.
>I was under the impression it was an insult
Yeah, you probably shouldn’t turn to Reddit for insight into southerner speech. Reddit doesn’t get it right. Ever.
Most often used in private conversation when people are in agreement about someone (not present) being/acting like an ass.
Hi. She meant it sincerely. Most people do. Occasionally it’s used sarcastically, but then it’s usually quite obvious.
It can be used as an indulgent saying, like when a toddler gives you their favorite toy, or when someone is really really really trying to bake something delicious.