Hey all I’m recently out of a long term relationship. Long story but essentially had a child with my x- while she reportedly was on birth control and tried to make it work- moved in to her place, helped to pay for an addition to her home, and she was horrible with money and a micromanager to the extreme so I ended the relationship . Could also never leave the house due to her owning barn animals and never being able to find someone to care for them.
We share custody of a 2 year old. And I have a 10 year old daughter from a prior marriage that ended due to my x wife having an affair. I and my x wife rarely talk now but do great co parenting. my commitment to my kids is quite high as it should be. That is my responsibility to carry.
Fast forward 6 months- I decided to start redating
My ex (2 year old son mom) wants to make sure we still coparent and have a good relationship- also very important to me. So we both ski- daughter skis and the 2 year old is learning and the woman I’ve been seeing is super uncomfortable with me skiing with the kids because my x will also be there because of our 2 year olds age.It’s just impossible to ski with both kids with the drastic age gap. To be honest it’s hard to do a lot with a child that young who is still taking naps and making sure the 10 year old has stuff to do.
This is a huge Achilles heel and despite how we connect and have so much working for us. She has made it clear that it isn’t something that she can be ok with.
I get it – but there is no chance in hell freezing over I’d get back together with my sons mom. But I also want to make sure the kids have that experience together and that my daughter gets to ski when she is with me. The woman I’m dating is super open to learning to ski. But doesn’t think it’s right that my expectation is that she would have to tolerate still hanging out with my x.
Is this me being selfish? I ski every weekend in the winter and it is me and my daughters THING.
And I’m worried now that making sure the kids can both ski and really any activity that might involve my ex is going to be an issue.
I understand the position that having my ex around is uncomfortable- but I also feel like she isn’t going anywhere- we have a son, my daughter has a relationship with her and we have to be able to work together to raise our son- he is so young. It’s important to me we get along and can flex if needed for our 2 year old
So am I selfish for expecting that a new partner be ok with my co parenting situation or is it unreasonable for the woman I’m dating be ok with having a co parenting relationship that involves periodically seeing my ex with the kids.
1 comment
This is not selfish. That women is not good for you if she doesn’t want you to spend time and have a good relationship with your kids. Skiing doesn’t mean you’re hooking up with your Ex. You’re both there for the kids to spend time with both parents which is great if parents can get along and do things together with the kids. Your partner should have 0 say on how you spend time with your kids. The only thing it will do is isolate you and cause issues in what seems like a good parenting relationship you have with your Ex. The kids should come first and you should find someone who supports you and wants you to go and do things with your kids as a family. Lots of kids of separated parents don’t get that because their parents can’t get along, so I personally think it’s great you and your Ex can do that together for the kids!