How does one Make Closure for Themself?

I (21M) am about 3 months out of a breakup with (20F). I’ve been spiralling the last couple of months trying to process everything and I still feel like I don’t know what happened. She pinned all the blame on herself which to me is a sign that she either did something REALLY BAD that I don’t know about, or she was trying to let me down easy. I know of things I could’ve done better but I still feel blindsided by it.

Regardless of which one it is, I know I need to move on or at least be at peace with it. The issue is that I still have extremely strong feelings for her that haven’t diminished since the breakup. I want her back a lot because when we weren’t long distance we worked really well together. While we’d still be long distance if we got back together right now we’d be a hell of a lot closer because college.

I’m fighting tooth and nail with myself to not text her because I know that would be just about the WORST thing I could do. Even if we reconnected and decided to get back together, I need to have some semblance of closure on this and I don’t. I don’t know how to give myself closure on any of this because this is the first amicable breakup I’ve had. We don’t talk a lot (we both agreed limiting contact for the near future was a good idea) but I still like talking to her and it seems like she feels the same way when we do talk.

I just want to end this chapter of my romantic life. I know that if I find someone new right now, I’d just hurt them and myself. I also know that if we tried again, I’d never be in a position to process this pain I’m feeling right now and I’d always be questioning if we were just going to break up again anytime anything goes wrong.

Any and all advice is appreciated. I’ll try to clarify what I can.