I see a lot of people say they have this talk with their spouse and it seems to never go well..bit HAS it ever gone well? Is it worth talking about or honestly just to leave it
Yes…i am a guy here early 30s..wife late 20s. I get rejected so much that ive almost just given up even trying. Im not wanting it everyday..but once a week would be great. Its right now maybe once a month and at this age i just beat myself up thinking i must be doing something wrong. Its to the point where i go to the gym now since this year started..gained a good amount of muscle and tone just trying to look better for her. Still nothing. One of the worst parts is…she will sometimes talk a big game. When it comes to where we finally can she avoids it, then will say she is too tired or tomorrow. Then tomorrow ill try and nothing
With my love language being touch..and getting rejected for almost any intamacy..cuddling, hugging, kiss, sex ect has just got me feeling no emotion. its like we are great roomates and easily best friends but not husband and wife. Hers is service so i make it a point to get stuff done or do favors when she asks. If i ask am i doing enough she always says everything is great.
At this point as i said earlier is the talk even worth having or does it do more harm then good? How do you have the talk and not hurt your SO in any way?
Looking for solid advice here…not meaning to sound like the typical guy just wanting sex all the time as that is not it at all. Im talking any physical interaction. I just want to feel like im wanted physically by her. It really is taking a mental toll
5 comments
How is the rest of your relationship and life outside of sex?
Some of your previous posts in the past year make it sound like you’ve had trouble adjusting to your 30s. Acting bitter and hurtful towards your wife. And struggling financially.
Those are all definitely mood killers.
If you’re still struggling with these things, I would put sex on the back burner while you get the rest of your life sorted out.
If my husband was acting rudely towards me and then had the audacity to complain that I wasn’t putting out enough, I’d probably lose my mind lol
The problem is that for the intimacy talk to go well, it has to start when the sex is still awesome.
Couples wait until frustration spills over into resentment.
There are a few things that kill desire but the one no one seems comfortable addressing is often the biggest problem, hormones. People attempt to hit a chemical problem with an emotional hammer and act surprised when this just gets worse.
Sex being more frustrating than fun also kills it for a lot of people. Failure to communicate desires or actual incompatibilities will result in sex being something frustrating and annoying.
Other things like health problems and $ issues can also completely kill desire.
You have to make it absolutely safe for her to tell you anything before this conversation is even possible. If she has things to say that she knows you don’t want to hear, she has to feel safe telling you the truth.
You really just have to sit down and calmly and succinctly communicate your feelings, that’s the only way to address it. You’ve tried subtle cues, it’s not working. The longer you wait the harder it will get on many levels. If she isn’t compatible with you in that department then you have to make some decisions about the kind of marriage you want for yourself.
Non sexual intimacy can feel like a question when you’re the low libido partner. Like very hug or kiss is just trying to open up the idea of sex, so the low libido partner will shy away from ANY kind of physical intimacy because they don’t want to give false hope about sex happening.
My suggestion is to schedule sex. You want weekly, you’re currently at monthly so I’d suggest fortnightly for now. Agree to a day and then *take sex off the table* for the other nights and see if that works to open up non sexual intimacy again.
Without the pressure of sex looming you might find she’s more open to cuddles or whatever else.
I relate to this so much… but I’m the wife in the situation and my husband is the one who never wants to have sex ugh 😩