We have been together for five years, and have had actual penetrative sex twice. I am willing to endure it but I won’t enjoy it. I *would* go through with the sex for my partner’s sake, but my partner doesn’t initiate and keeps turning down my attempts to do so because he knows I don’t enjoy it for its own sake like he does. The best I can offer is to do my best to not pull away, not look bored, upset or distressed when it’s happening, and not flinch if it hurts. I’m aware that this is not good enough and the best I can offer is repulsive to him, but I still feel hurt and rejected that he won’t even take the offer. I’ve hurt worse for men who deserved it less, but he doesn’t even want it.
I’ve been considering seeking professional help, and have looked around for sexual therapists. Would that help? What can I expect from it?
2 comments
I think you most certainly need to see a therapist, or even a dr. You shouldn’t be in pain with sex, it’s actually really enjoyable after the first few times and with practice. You may have something going on your not aware of. I understand his standpoint, if I thought my husband was only having sex to fill my needs I wouldn’t want to do it either. It’s the enthusiasm about the act that makes it so special, it’s a time to share a connection, emotional bond, and just overall make you feel good about your relationship as well as yourself on a personal level. I’m sure it hurts him way more than he lets on.
Sex is meant to be fun – it’s no fun if you’re hurting your partner unless that’s what they really want. But if you’re in pain like that then that’s a sign that something is physically wrong. My view is if you can address the physical issue you probably won’t need the therapy because you’re going to be making up for lost time…