Okay, to give a little context, my boyfriend and i are long distance, a month ago we met and it was the most beautiful experience ever, we both realized we wanted more, but can’t have it yet since we are still studying and have no money yet, when i came back from visiting him, we called every day and talked all the time, but after some days the calls started being more irregular since he was about to start college and became busy, but still called me for some minutes, that’s when my overthinking begun, even before that, i couldn’t enjoy the memory of seeing him because i started thinking “what if he stops loving me the same way he did when we saw each other for the first time?”, “what if he realizes i’m not worth it?”, and he told me everything he could to make me feel safe and loved, and in the moment, i would feel like that, but after the reassurance, i would start overthinking again and the cycle would repeat all over again, which i didn’t like, but i felt desesperate for reassurance, now i realize it needs to come from myself but i don’t know how to do it. After i started feeling better, days later i started overthinking again, but about other girls, he always jokes about other girls since he thinks i’m funny when i’m jealous, but i didn’t take it well and started thinking “what if he changed me?” “What if those aren’t jokes?”, he always talks to me when he meets or makes friends with other girls since he wants me to know everything in order to never overthinking, but even after that, i couldn’t stop, so i started obsessing about what he was doing, we talked about it and he said “hey, what if i sent you my real time location?” I said yes, not thinking much about it since at the time, i was feeling a little better because he was paying attention to me, so i sent him mine, but that was for the worse. I started looking at it every 5 minutes, even though he said he was at home sleeping, and then, when i went to talk to my friend about it, it changed, i started looking where the place it changed to was, and it was an ice cream shop, i started overthinking again like crazy, tried to control myself and thought “okay, he will call me and explain if i speak calmly” but i didn’t, i called him a bunch of times for almost 10-20 minutes until he answered, when he answered he said “how is my favourite toxic girl?”, i was crying and explained what happened, he was super confused since to him, it said he was at home, and when i checked again, he was, so i asked why it changed and he said he didn’t know, that he had been sleeping all day with a fever (which made sense because he had already been sounding sick, we talked about it days before), that his mom went to pick up medicine for him and asked me if he wanted a picture to show that his car wasn’t home, i said no to that, i was already feeling horrible, controlling and i didn’t know how to stop, after trying to find a logical reason on why he wasn’t lying, i thought “okay, why would you go to an ice cream shop for 30 minutes with this weather? And also, it takes you like 5 minutes by car so it doesn’t make sense” he agreed with me and said he didn’t know how to explain it, since he didn’t know why it changed, told me that maybe it was because he passes that street sometimes, but still didn’t know why it changed, i believed him but kept overthinking and trying to analize everything and then he said “i really don’t know love, i wouldn’t send you my real time location if i wanted to cheat on you, i’m not that stupid, i promise i was all day at home sick”, i believed him, since what happened didn’t make sense at all, and he was actually sick because i heard his mom coming into his room minutes later to give him some pills, so yeah, i tried to let go of that since i trusted him, but that’s when everything got worse. I started becoming controlling over everything, would have breakdowns if i didn’t know what he was doing and assume the worst, and he tried to reassure me every single time, he still does, he would send me pictures of what he was doing, even sent me his real time location again, but i told him to delete it because it wasn’t healthy for me and him, i wanted to trust him without having to have control over every little thing. And i don’t know, it was a negative thought after negative thought, he NEVER made me feel like that and NEVER gave me a reason, i just got used to my fears and i feel like i’m becoming crazy and i can’t stop. If i don’t think he is with another girl, i think he hates me, and when he reassures me i search for another problem, start overthinking and then trying to analize it, i don’t know what else to do! He can’t do anything else, i feel like a burden, he is always telling me what he is doing, that he only loves me and only wants to have me since seeing each other, and that if he didn’t, he would tell me because he respects me, and i believe him, but there is something in my brain that’s is ruining everything and i don’t know how to stop, i feel like i’m becoming crazy, like i’m ruining everything, i don’t want to feel like this anymore, i want everything to work out for us, i want to become mature for our relationship, but i just need some advice. Everytime i overthink, i try to find logical reasons of why i’m not right, he always says he will introduce me to all his family when i visit him again, that he is going to take me to his college and gym so we could do stuff together, and i know he wouldn’t lie, i trusted him before meeting him, and after meeting him realized he was the sweetest human being ever, but there’s something stopping me from being happy, and it’s me! And i hate it! And i don’t know how to stop! I always think that he could find someone so much better, but he says i could do the same, but the reason we both don’t do it’s because we don’t want to, and it’s true, i don’t want anyone else and i believe the same for him, so i think “why am i the only one who wouldn’t hurt the other? Why do i think i’m the only good person?” But nothing helps me anymore, and i hate it. I want to stop feeling this way, could someone who went through the same thing, give me some advice? Thank you so much. Right now, i haven’t heard from him for like 6 hours, and the pain in my chest is killing me.