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1. Hello all,

   I am 36 and have been predominately dating women exclusively for the majority of my dating life. I had some bad experiences with men in the past but I feel ready to try. Are there men out there who are attracted to masc presenting women or am I just out of luck finding them?

2. 33M. Bad start to the day. My phone display stopped working. I also locked my keys in my car at the gym. Luckily I have a smart watch. It still was a bit of a headache to deal with getting a locksmith to come out. The money was the least of the issue. I’m glad that’s settled now. I’m home and on my spare phone.

   Dating related…my smart watch doesnt have a plan, and as I was trying to text a family member, the first text to show is from the girl I was seeing. I changed texting apps like 2 months ago, and so the messages aren’t synced up. Been 3 weeks since she ended things, and that hurt a bit to see. I’ve been thinking about her, and usually that’s all it’s been, thoughts, but I felt so sad for a few minutes. Probably cuz I was distressed from everything else.

3. Tonight was the night we were supposed to go to the theatre and I was really excited to be seeing him. I was going to get dressed up, do my hair nicely etc and just enjoy spending time with him doing one of my favourite cultural things. At this point I’m wondering if he even bought the tickets like he said he did. And it would be super weird if he went with someone else. More than anything I’m mourning the relationship it could have been but then my brain snaps back to shoulda, coulda, woulda. It’s early doors so I’m still feeling sore about the “breakup” but I just can’t wait to get over this pain and get back to myself again. He really doesn’t deserve even one iota of my thoughts about him. 😔

4. Just some recent thoughts from last night/this morning.

   * I’ve been trying to be more detached from a woman I was interested in who has a boyfriend. It’s been fine when we are apart but hard when together. I have to see her 1-2 times a week.
   * I saw a woman I went out with last year at a party this past weekend. I asked her out again and she said we should set something up when she gets back. Probably just putting it off in hopes I go away but I find myself daydreaming about her from time to time. I need to stop.
   * Woman I hooked up with has officially ghosted me. It’s been 5 days since my last message to her. She still follows me on IG but I think she muted me cause she doesn’t view my stories anymore.
   * I have 4 dates over the next 4-5 days. I’m feeling pretty exhausted with dating. Might take a break for a week or two after this weekend if these don’t work out.

   One of those dates and I have our date on Saturday, we talked about music and a song we talked about came on at the bar last night. I thought about messaging her that it reminded me of her but thought it might be too soon for that kind of stuff because we haven’t even had a first date yet.

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6. At a certain point, Cold Turkey is the best thing to do.

7. How to tell if someone is trying to be friends vs trying to pursue you? A man I have a few mutual friends/acquaintances with has been asking me to hang out with him (often times in a group setting) and has been very kind and friendly to me via social media. He has never been flirtatious. I’m open to making new friends, but I also know how heterosexual men work so I’ve been hesitant to meeting up. I really dread having to have the rejection conversation, but I’m also worried I could be missing out on a potential new friend.

   Am I being naive?

8. The guy who ended things after 3 dates because he was “too recently out of a relationship” and “not emotionally ready to date” disappeared from my Hinge chats last night. I know it doesn’t really matter but I can’t help but think he was just a jerk who didn’t like me that much and unmatched so he can get on with changing his profile and dating other people. I hope he actually deleted his profile and is doing some self-work but I feel like most people just pause or delete the app from their phones or do nothing at all and ignore it.

9. Was stuck at an airport over the weekend due to repeated weather delays, struck up a conversation with a girl sitting nearby after she heard me accidentally sigh loudly when another delay happened. We talked on and off about movies/books/video games, made some jokes, got to know each other a bit and just had fun conversation. Sat in different sections of the plane, but when we finally reached our destination we even waited for each other to do the whole de-plane/bathroom visit dance despite it being the wee hours of the morning and walked out together. She had a ride waiting and I had a multi-hour drive ahead of me, so we said our goodbyes as she went to grab her luggage and went our separate ways.

   Got her name (well, first and middle at least) and I know she lives in the state next to mine, but decided at the last moment not to ask for her number or anything else. A bit disappointed I chose not to, but honestly it was just a really pleasant, low-pressure situation that’s a nice memory for me now.

10. Recently met someone while on vacation (mutual friend introduced us) and we hit it off so she gave me her number. We texted for a few days before I asked her out and she said yes. Unfortunately something came up and our timing didn’t work out before I had to go back to my hometown. She said next time I’m around we should definitely set something up.

    We continued to text everyday, there’s plenty to talk about and I quickly realized how much we have in common. Recently though, she’s been taking a lot longer to get back to me. I’m talking anywhere from 2 to 5 days before I’ll get a reply. She’ll apologize and tell me she got caught up with stuff or lost track of time, and to her credit, when she does reply it’s quite long and detailed and she asks follow-up questions.

    Our mutual friend told me she struggles with anxiety sometimes and is going through some rough moments in her life right now, so to not think too much of it. As far as she’s aware, there aren’t any other guys in the picture either.

    That said, it’s hard for me to grasp because I’ve never talked to someone who takes this long to reply, and I can’t help but think that maybe this is her way of slow fading me because I keep hearing that phrase in my mind “there’s no one busier than someone who’s not interested in you”. I don’t mind someone taking a while to reply, but if it hits 5 days I feel like they just don’t give a fuck anymore. Am I overthinking this?

11. AITH for swiping left on men once I see what their job is? I’m talking about 33+ year olds working as line cooks and cashiers.

    I went to college and worked hard to build my career, it’s very unattractive to me to see older men content with working these low effort and low paying jobs. It’s not about the money, as I fully support myself.

    It’s more so that ambition is important to me, but I do hate that I feel like I’m judging people too harshly for not having a better job. Thoughts?

12. I hooked up multiple times with a guy who was just visiting my town for work. At the end there was lots of cuddling and discussing visiting each other. I thought we maybe actually had a connection?

    I reached out first after he left and he actually got back to me. He has a very intense job and apologized for not reaching out. We have been talking for a few days and then I asked for him to come visit me when his job ends for the season and radio silence. Could be that he’s out on a work call (he has to stay overnight sometimes and can’t text-happened before) but part of me thinks he’s ghosting and I hate myself for feeling sad about it.

    He’s not my usual type and I didn’t think I’d catch feelings before I met him but then I did, and I’m disappointed in myself. It doesn’t help that he’s the first person I regularly had sex with after a decade-long relationship ended. And it had been a long time since I had sex. And it was probably the best sex of my life. Sigh. I hope he gets back to me, but if not I’ll be ok. I might meet another guy from the apps on Sunday.

    Dating where I live is very tough and I don’t find a lot of guys that I like, so that makes it harder, too.

13. I’m starting to realize that I have a tendency to attract overthinkers. Things will be going great and then they will start to try to look for reasons to end things when we dont actually have any problems. I think a bunch of the people I dated in the past were not actually ready for a relationship at all and probably should have been in therapy. Going forward I will probably ask more openly what someone does to take care of their mental health and if they have ever been in therapy before.

14. New Yorkers, this guy I haven’t met yet won’t come to Brooklyn on weekdays. And on weekends he will only go to Williamsburg. He lives in lower NYC and I live in Prospect Heights. He said he would “if we fell in love”.

    I’ve never lived in Manhattan but guys have definitely come up my neighborhood for a first date. Is that too much to ask? It’s not that I’m not willing to go to Manhattan or Williamsburg (even though Williamsburg is a much bigger pain than Manhattan). It’s that I’m not going to put in the effort knowing he’s not willing to. Is that so wrong?

15. After a very confusing and uncomfortable experience with a Tinder match that went from very wholesome with a great video chat to quickly afterward turned very sexual (we had phone sex) and then went into the opposite direction with her getting mad about a joke regarding a desire to seei her (clothed) ass, and furthermore, her voicing very slut-shaming remarks regarding people who show on their profile or share revealing pictures (i.e. every guy or woman in swimsuits, at the gym with little to no clothes on, to nudes,) I think I’m just going to become asexual or a monk or something. It’s experiences like this that make me very hesitant to feel safe with anyone out there with being intimately vulnerable with.