My girlfriend is unhappy with lack of sex.

38 comments

1. It’s about priorities…

   Sex is a great workout. Skip one of the workouts and have sex instead. Or have sex before you go to the gym.

   You can also have sex before you go work on the RV. Morning sex is great.

   Sunday sounds like a great day to shower together or build in time to connect and cuddle.

   Sex isn’t something you can only have at night before bed. You can have it at any time. If before bed isn’t working for you, have it at other times.

2. Have you sat down to talk about this? Obviously you’re pretty burned out and that really impacts your libido. But maybe there’s a break somewhere in your routine that you can afford to swap with sex. Like instead of cooking, order takeout and relax. Maybe skip the gym and leave the cleaning for the next day. Take one night off from everything and get some time to relax with her and go from there. If that’s not enough, talk to her about this. If she loves you, she’ll be receptive to talking about it.

3. Are you still intimate with her at all? Like do you guys cuddle or anything. Lazy morning sex is still good! Maybe shes just seeing it as a lack of effort ?

4. Does the gym have to be daily? If you’re this burnt out, I think you should drop to every other day, at least until the wedding/vacation. You don’t even have to use that time for sex, just give yourself a few hours back to relax and get to bed early that night. Once you’re less exhausted, things will naturally sort themselves out.

   Also, in the meantime, how would you feel about just getting your girlfriend off? Oral, handjob, toys, etc could all be ways to take care of her and make her feel loved without forcing yourself into something you aren’t up for at the moment.

5. You’re not that burnt out. If you were you could skip the gym, work around things that don’t *have* to be done.

   Your libido has dropped, which isn’t necessarily a symptom of “burn out”. Do you take steroids? Have you had your testosterone checked? Are you being honest with yourself about your attraction to your partner? Are you secretly harboring resentment her schedule isn’t as taxing as yours?

   You’re pretending it’s simple exhaustion, and it isn’t.

6. It sounds like you have over committed yourself. I don’t think you should have committed to all this work on your parents’ RV. Are you being paid for that? It also sounds like you could skip some of your workouts in favor of more time together and more energy for sex. Is there any possibility of moving closer to your job? Being gone for 12 hours a day would exhaust anyone.

7. I mean, she is 26 so if you are in a healthy relationship it feels too much to ask her to go 2 weeks without it. It sounds like you know you have to put effort in every single aspect of your life except your relationship. Take one day off gym, order take out and do the deed

8. It’s possible she’s feeling insecure, as these comments probably attest, women are told from all sides you will loose your man when the sex changes to slow/stopping.
   But your absolutely allowed to have slow spells, it’s normal.
   Maybe try to make her feel special in a different way. Pick up her favorite thing when you go to the store, or make a special trip to grab her something she’ll like. Just give her some reassurance, you won’t believe how many other women will tell women that If you partners sexual appetites change to less your getting cheated on or are on your way out the door

9. Take the weekend off from fixing up the RV and bang your girlfriend. And don’t be quick about it.

10. Make. Time. For. Her.

    It doesn’t at all matter what you “have” to do. You make time for her and you find the time somewhere. It doesn’t matter if you’re tired. She deserves some of your time at least a couple times a week. Even if it means you get her some toys and your sexy time is playing with her while she gets off. Make the time happen. It shows you care and are not just selfish about your own needs (which is how this reads)

11. Honestly it sounds like you don’t want to fuck your gf. Maybe examine why that is

12. you’re working at work, you’re working on your body, you’re working on your home, you’re working on the RV.

    don’t forget to work on the relationship also!

    you don’t want the reason for her breaking up to be “he never has time for me, and not having sex was the straw that broke the camel’s back”

    Tip: Just living together and being in close proximity together, is no the same as making the other person feel secure in the relationship

13. stop doing work for your parents. stop working out every day. you are going to have to make time for your relationship.

14. By your description, your life is currently set up in such a way that maintaining your relationship is not one of your top priorities. Not 100% a unsalvageable, but I’d you really want to keep your girlfriend around, something in your life has to give.

    Work is work. So that is a priority.

    But ask yourself these questions:

    – Do you *need* to go to the gym every night after work?

    – Do you *need* to spend all day Saturday renovating your parents’ RV?

    – Is your Sunday routine so rigid that you cannot take some time to give your girlfriend the attention she’s asking for?

15. You rather go to gym than have sex?

16. Dude unless you’re competing that’s why you don’t skip gym, I’d suggest missing couple days to recover energy and the rest comes by itself

17. Why are you helping your parents with their RV?

18. Your schedule is so busy you have no time for rest or time with your GF. There is no reason you can’t skip the gym one night a week to spend some time at home unwinding. Order in. Spend some time together.

    What are your plans on your 10 days off? Are any of those days dedicated to your GF or is it all planned out like the rest of your schedule? It could be that she isn’t happy with the lack of intimacy all together. Which even exhausted you can cuddle and give physical affection.

19. You’re doing too much. This is as simple as prioritizing and being able to stray away from your schedule. You don’t have to go to the gym all the time and you can easily have intimate time then.

20. Info: could you maybe skip gym once or twice a week for sexy time? You seem very (self-)involved and she does not seem to have a good place in your life. More like an after-thought…

21. I’m sorry, but bedtime coffee?!

    Also – you *do* have time but you are choosing to prioritise gym, parents, work, cooking dinner.

    Just blow off the gym once a week, eat leftovers and have sex. Surely you have all weekend as well?

    When you’re 80 years old you’re not going to look back and say ‘man I wish I went to the gym more and had more protein shakes’ you’re going to regret not prioritising your relationships.

    When’s the last time you went on a date? Saw your friends? Went to the park and enjoyed nature? Had a snuggly weekend lie-in and tasty breakfast? Went on a camping trip or a bike ride?

    You’re only 30 mate, don’t waste all your time at work or the gym.

22. If you have a physically demanding job why are you going to the gym every day? If you’re literally working 12 hour days, you need to change jobs. That is not healthy or sustainable.

    If you genuinely *want* to have sex, but are just too tired, then change the things that make you tired. If you are spending half of your life at a physically demanding job, that seems like the thing to change. You’re also going to the gym every day despite already working out 10 hours per day. And then your weekends are spent doing physical labor for your parents.

    All of that is optional. You don’t *have to* do any of that. So sure, you’re exhausted because you do all of that stuff. But that’s a choice you’re making. You could, instead, prioritize time and physical intimacy with your partner. But you are choosing not to.

23. I think you should stop drinking coffee before you go to bed and start making out before you go to sleep. Well that or you do each other before you help your parents renovate their RV.

24. Cut back on the gym. And working on your parents RV. Pleasure your girlfriend or she’ll find someone to do it for you her.

25. maybe you’re too busy too have a gf?

26. Life is made up of all the small moments. Which ones matter the most to you? Something has to give. Will working less make you less happy? Will not helping your parents make you less happy? Will not having sex make you less happy? You continue the line of questioning and get personal. Find the thing that give you the least reward and cut it out. Otherwise things will cut themselves out, like your sex life.

27. Checked out your post history. Do you both a favour and end the relationship.

    There are a bunch of things you could be doing as stated by other commenters, but let’s be honest – you already knew you could scale back on other commitments (particularly the gym… Swap a workout for a workout) but you’re not motivated to. That’s not a bad thing, but it is a clear indication of what you’re willing to sacrifice to improve the relationship. You don’t seem especially fussed, so I’d save you both the time and effort.

28. Ur girlfriend is unhappy other part of ur life are seemingly more important than time with her. Leave the dishes one night, don’t go to the gym, focus on her. Leave the mess for a day, prioritize her.

    You don’t have to do it all; u have to manage what u can do and decide what gets left behind. Right now u r deciding to leave sex behind and ur gf is not ok with that.

29. >bedtime coffee,

    So replace some nights of bedtime coffee with sex.

    Or skip the gym some days (are you seriously going every day?)

    Rethink your priorities.

30. I don’t care how tired I or my husband are, we find time to get it on!

31. Plan a vacation, stop overworking yourself for a job, cut the gym to less days and prioritize your girl over stupid shit. That’s it. She’s anxious that nothing will change, going from daily sex to monthly is a big change especially when you have a partner riddled with excuses. My ex was the same as you, and it got to the point where he did it jusT to make me shut up. It’s the worst feeling and in the end we broke up from lack of intimacy and love.

32. Your girlfriend deserves better

33. Everyone will get deep here… but the brass tax of it is… do you masterbate? If you do… stop. If you don’t… Read all the deep comments

34. Change your routine to involve one less gym session per week, and replace it with a cardio fuck session. Problem solved, unless you’re actually just not into her any more, in which case either find a way to repair things or set her free so you can both find someone more compatible.

35. As long as you make time to have sex when you are feeling less tired and more energy I don’t see an issue working and getting up at that time is hard …maybe skip a gym session and have some cardio together in step once a week a compromise at best .. hopefully the ten days can make up for some time too good luck 🤞

36. This man can go to the gym daily but can’t even make time to have sex with his girlfriend you cannot make this shit up someone please explain this logic to me

37. So OP:

    – Doesn’t want to change anything in his life to prioritize his relationship

    – Was going to break up with his gf a month ago but hasn’t (?)

    – Believes that women are in their prime at 18 and his gf will “hit the wall” and lose her “value” in 4 years

    Yeah, his gf can definitely sense something is off.

38. Wait, if you have a physically demanding job that’s 10 hours a day why on earth are you going to the gym so much? That’s way too much.