Hi. Would you consider talking to a 23-year-old woman who doesn’t t have any dating experience? I want to try online dating apps but I am kinda shy and awkward. I am also intimidated by guys and don’t know how to talk to them.

Any advice? Thanks.

28 comments

  2. Remember, just like animals in the wild, the boys are more scared of you, than you are of them. Nothing can hurt us more than a beautiful 23 year old woman at the height of her powers. (At the very least, I hope this helps your confidence.)

  3. I really like shy girls, just take it really slow if that’s what makes you feel comfortable. Once you get to know someone it’s easier to break out of your shell. Most guys won’t care.

  4. Do you have any friends with experience that can help?

    My suggestion would be to sit down and write out what you want and what you will not accept. Do you want to talk to people for a long time, or go on a date soon after matching? Do you want to wait to have sex? What kind of person are you interested in meeting?

    Once you spell that all out, then you can come up with a plan to get those things.

  5. Yes. But 23 is a bit too young for me. 😉

    My advice? Get out there and talk to people. Try places where people don’t know you, and just practice saying “hello”, and meeting people.

  6. Don’t try dating apps, dating apps is a business that gets money from keeping you on so they’re not going to create a working relationship that’s why you only like 1% of people or less actually start a proper one as the website or app sets it up to fail so you’ll go straight back to the app making them more money

  7. Install a few of them.

    Tbh, it’s very enjoyable for Women.

    Pick or list your standards, sit back and relax, as matches come. Then you have the power to narrow down hundreds to about 3 or 4. Date them and find out which one you like.

  8. Everyone who has ever been on dating apps started with no experience on dating apps.

    It’s not that different to real life other than you can filter through many more people quickly. In real life you’d have to figure out if they’re single, if they’re interested, it’d be face to face so more stressful, online it’s just a quick yes/no and only talk if there’s some interest. It’s much easier.

    Once you have a match (or a few), then it’s standard stuff, don’t give away too much personal info, don’t get invested to quick (until they show their level of interest) and if you see any red flags, onto the next.

    The main diff between online and in person, they could absolutely be lying with their pictures, so first date, make it coffee or a drink in a public place where you can get out after 10-15 min.

    Have fun.

  9. I would advice you to visit a therapist/psychologist to adress your low self-esteem/shyness/awkwardness, and your lack of social skills, to better yourself. Only after that would I worry about relationships.

  12. You’re a woman and you’re 23. You’re literally playing on easy mode.

  13. 1. Dating apps are for hookups. Set your expectations accordingly.

    2. Dating apps don’t publish rape statistics. Set your expectations accordingly.

  14. You’re 23. You have plenty of time to find someone you mesh with. Also, 99 percent of humans are shy and awkward around people that they like. Theres nothing wrong with that. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

    When you do go on a date try not to think about whether or not they like you, but rather, whether or not you like them. Do they deserve your time? Are they someone you could see yourself with??

    Lastly, your self-esteem seems a bit low. I’d just add that one of the pitfalls that I’ve seen with people with low self esteem is that they tend to fall into bad relationships because they don’t think that hey deserve any better. Fuck all that!! Everyone deserves love and respect. Find someone that is going to make you happy and take care of you.

  15. Get ready to wade through a lot of overtly sexual creeps who only see you as an object. There are definitely some guys on there looking for something real but you’re going to have to filter through a lot of perverted pick up lines and requests for nudes to find them

  17. You’re doing just fine here talking to men. We’re not that intimidating, just normal people.

    And being a little awkward is endearing most of the time, you don’t need to worry about that. It’s humanizing and a couple of awkward mistakes may put the man at ease a bit.

    Don’t try too hard to be flirty, many women do and it comes off as fake. Just relax and be yourself. He’s going to make some mistakes too, be patient. Nobody’s perfect.

    And just have a good sense of humor. That’s important to us.

    Remember, he’s just happy to be there, talking to a woman who wants to talk with him. Keep the conversation flowing, that’s key. Many women drop the ball there, and it’s like we’re just talking at them instead of with them. It’s one of the ways we can gauge a woman’s interest. If he does all the talking and you just give one-word answers, he may interpret that as disinterest in him. If being shy makes that difficult for you, just think up some questions to ask in advance.

    Be clear about what you want. A lot of guys on dating sites are just there looking for random hookups. Not all, but enough that you’ll likely run into a few.

    Also, many women on dating sites have a list of “requirements”. Don’t do that. It’s OK to have preferences and filter your responses to people you’re attracted to, but don’t advertise what that criteria is, it comes off poorly.

    Try to keep religion and politics out of it unless those are very significant to you (in which case, I recommend a dating site specific to that religion or political pursuasion).

    Safety is important. First date, meet in a public place. Arrive separately, leave separately. Usually first dates on those services are kinda cheap… A cup of coffee or something like that. There are women with no real intention of dating anyone, who basically live off of guys on dating sites buying them meals, so it’s a bit of a red flag for us if a woman we just met wants to meet at a 5 star restaurant, lol. Most guys still pay for the lady, but that’s not a given anymore, so he’ll probably offer to pay, but make sure you can cover any costs if he doesn’t.

    I suggest first dates be alcohol-free. I know some will disagree with me, but there are a lot of pretty young alcoholics out there who will date for free drinks…

    This should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. If there’s even a one in a million chance of sex, wash everything twice before the date… Really scrub, everything, everywhere. It’s only an issue I’ve encountered once before, but it left psychological scars, lol. Other guys have similar stories. Tales of getting her undressed than having to quickly decide if they’ll soldier through or fake a leg cramp. Most women do not need to be told this and are actually way more worried about hygiene than they need to be, don’t let that be a source of insecurity, just clean clothes and a bar of soap will do the trick. No extraordinary effort is required, just the basic minimum is adequate, but don’t ignore it completely.

    With regard to safety, always let a friend know where you’re going and who you’re going with. An app like Life360 that let’s you share your location with the friend may be a good idea. Then just check in a couple of times during the date, when it’s not disruptive to do so. I’ve had girls go so far as to snap a photo of my license plate and text it to a friend, lol. Fine with me, we understand the need for women to take reasonable precautions.

    Other than that, don’t play on your phone through the whole date. Once your date arrives, phones go away.

    You’ll do fine. Just go out and have fun. Good luck.

  19. Dating apps favor women massively. Just make a profile and watch. 99% of men don’t give a fuck if you have prior experience or not. Also, not being a stuck up bitch and answering back already makes you stand out.

  20. I wouldn’t let a girl’s dating inexperience stop me from talking with her, but then again, I’ve got little to no dating experience, either, so…

  21. Oh god, no… don’t do it. Might as well give the homicide unit your name and identifying information now.

  22. Include enough of a body shot so we know what your body is like. When there’s only several face shots, we’ll assume you don’t have the confidence to show yourself.
    Don’t use filters
    Don’t have multiple pictures with shades on.
    And please include enough text where we can understand who you are or what you are looking for.

  23. Yes, we could learn together (hypothetically)

    Because I’m in like the same situation

  24. Dating apps are great for young women. If you’re attractive, you’ll have no issue at all. You can literally give one-word answers to all the guys and still get a date. If you’re not that attractive, it’s going to be harder. You’ll actually have to rely on things like your personality and your hobbies/interests.

    ​

    >I am kinda shy and awkward. I am also intimidated by guys and don’t know how to talk to them.

    My best advice is to just stop those behaviors. You’ve already self-identified them as areas of improvement. So improve. You seem to know exactly what you’re doing wrong (you self-identify as “awkward”), so make a conscious effort to change.

    Before you get all defensive, I’m not saying you need to “be something you’re not”. I’m not telling you to change your entire personality and to become a Kardashian or something. I’m telling you that it’s okay to *grow* as a person. It’s absolutely moronic to just say *”I’m awkward and shy and have poor social skills. Oh well, this is my life :)*”

    You’re allowed to improve yourself. You’re allowed to develop self-confidence. You’re allowed to be talkative and expressive. You’re allowed to say/do things that are appropriate for the situation instead of things that you know will be perceived as awkward. And the best way to do those things is to just socialize with people. Get off the internet and try going on a few dates, and just see how it goes. Pretend that you have confidence. If you keep pretending to be the best version of yourself, then eventually you’ll *become* the best version of yourself.

    Dating isn’t hard. Dating is just interacting with people. If you’re a likeable person, then people will like you regardless of whether or not you look like a supermodel. But if you have a lot of baggage or low self-esteem, then you need to sort that stuff out first.

  25. Granted, we don’t know the entire situation with her.

    Attractive young women are generally going to be flooded with contact. And in general the worse looking you are the more you will be ignored.

    Iirc a study was done on a dating site back in the day and black women amd Asian men has the lowest response rates statistically. Not sure how much that has changed in today’s atmosphere its more than decade old now.

    Really OP, compared to most men, yes you’ll likely be on “easy mode” but that’s because your asking us. You will likely have more options then men, so in comparison yes, it’ll be easier for you.

    This doesn’t really answer the question though.

    If your looking for hook ups and nothing serious, treat it as a hook up app. It’s what it’s mainly used for these days.

    If your looking for something more serious about it, be more selective. If you think you’re interested in a person don’t be afraid to take some first steps.

    And lastly, regardless be ready to receive a lot of trash messages and dick pics.

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