My bf (25m) and I (24f) went to our first sex party, we live in nyc btw. We fucking hated it, the hosts were very nice but the scene was so porny in a bad way. The place was insanely dark with loud music that was terrible and very distracting. None of the guys were pleasuring any of the very few little women there, what I mean by this was there was no foreplay it was just a bunch of jack hammering and the women were putting on the most fakest moans I’ve ever heard. After they were sorta done getting jack hammered to hell, the women seemed super out of it and were smoking the entire time looking beyond bored. A bunch of guys kept giving me judgey looks for not participating in any activities with them, as if I would ever want to be a human fleshlight to these dudes. We ended up leaving early but we had a cool conversation with the hosts, since they really seemed to be down to earth people. I would say the only positive thing about the event was getting to meet new people and getting a feel of a party like that but. . .my friend gets invited to really good sex parties that are super on the down low. I don’t know how I would be able to get invited to those kinds of things. Does anyone know how to get invited to exclusive sex parties that actually focus on pleasure?
EDIT: Whoa I was not expecting this to blow up as much as it did since I was actually going to share my adventure on the cuckquean subreddit. Thank you all for giving ideas on to get connections to more ideal events that fit my style. Also to clear up a misunderstanding for people asking me: I wasn’t there to sleep with other guys, I was there to be cuckqueaned by my bf with another woman! Which is why I was disappointed that no one was doing foreplay. Also I found this event on fetlife I am already on there and feeld.
Tldr: bf and i goto a nerve wracking sex party that wasnt fun and seemed like a major ramming snooze fest we want to be invited to actual pleasure parties
48 comments
I feel chu , I hate people like that like what happened to eating out , kissing all around , softly touching people bodys, sucking / flicking the nips , the communication? XD like ooof
Well as you said you have a friend that gets invited to sex parties. So why don’t you ask them to get you invited?
What club was it? So we all know which place to avoid lol.
You’re thinking about this the wrong way.
Clearly these people need a lesson in how to properly sex, so you must go back and commit to putting on a clinic. Show them what great sex looks like, show them how to truly please and pleasure a woman, have visually irresistible orgasms so their jaws drop, and make all the women in there prod their partners “why don’t you ever do that to me??”
Worked for us… there’s no better ego boost than an applause after sex.
Been to enough of them to know that unfortunately, sex parties can be hit or miss depending on the participants. You might want to hit SLS or go to established clubs. There is no shortage in NYC.
Most likely some of those bored looking females were paid sex workers.
Try FetLife
The best way to do this is to get to know others 1 or 2 at a time and see which ones you like. Once you have a group of folks that you are comfortable with you can do a group thing. I have hosted and gone to tons of sex parties. It works best when everyone knows some of the people there so they are comfortable.
Mostly in those places you’ll find people that expect easy pleasure. So nothing sexy just, as you said, porny
That sounds awful. May I ask, what were you expecting?
Try making friends where u can share likes, interests, dislikes with. Hard to build a solid connection with other swingers in this type of setting.
Come to Dk. We have some great clubs, with many guys that focuses on a woman’s pleasure. 😉
Being a woman, even in a couple, pretty much guarantees an eventual invite. Especially if you let it be known that you are interested in sex with other guys. Be patient. Keep going to the munches, and ALWAYS introduce yourselves to the host. (It also helps to know their username if you are using a lifestyle specific site.) It’ll happen.
The ones at Mission Control in the Bay area are usually a little better
To the new people it looks like just jack hammering and people fucking without knowing each other… but maybe they like that.
You have to find the right person or couple to play with and then play with them. You have to have low expectations of finding this. But also it could happen..
You should definitely try to find a different party or go a different night. They vary quite a bit.
I know the people that are banging away is quite intimidating. Also the dudes leering at you, just ignore those people. They are always around. Hopefully you can just avoid them.
You can also just find a place for you and the boyfriend to have sex and enjoy the sites and sounds you hear. If you can do that.
FYI, this is most open-participation sex parties / orgies. It’s because of drugs.
A large element of the people who attend orgies (rather than e.g. swinger parties or other closed-participation events) are people who use hard stimulant drugs like cocaine or amphetamines — as these drugs make you both horny and disinhibited, and so remove the fear/anxiety that stops most people from participating in these sorts of events, while also giving these same people more interest in attending them.
However, these sorts of drugs also change what type of sex is enjoyable to you — shifting things from the “sensual” side to the “hard fucking” side of things (for both men and women.) The people who arrive at these parties high on something, just want to jackhammer or be jackhammered; and these parties largely serve as a place for these jackhammer-ers and jackhammer-ees to connect.
If you want a more sensual style of play — but can’t worm your way into any closed-participation events — then you might consider looking for an orgy that has a strict no-drugs / no-attendance-while-high policy. These will probably be comparatively rare, even in large cities, but the people who do attend will be more the type of people you’re looking for.
(And if you can’t find such a party in your area, that probably means there’s unmet demand for one. Consider starting one!)
Join a lifestyle website. Add people and share pics. This will get you invites. Most people will reach out after they seen you guys at an event. Like a club or party because they know you are about the life.
I’d definitely recommend going to an established club, especially since most of them have theme nights. Also most of them have rules on weekends that no single dude are allowed so it keeps the ratio of genders more favorable toward women.
Also try out feeld, it’s an ENM app like tinder. It’s how we’ve met most people we’ve played with and in turn got invited to parties.
Go to clubs and make connections. Also on swinger sights you get invited pretty often!
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I hope I get to go to a sex party some time.
Snctm is the only one worth going to. The rest are populated by people who make you want to throw up in your mouth when they are in clothes, not to mention naked
Ask your friend how to get an invite…
Lmk if you find a good one 😅 this sounds rough literally
Been watching eyes wide shut? Lol
As with literally any interest it all comes down to networking both online and in person.
Not sure how rare these are but there are things “aftercare parties”. The idea is it’s supposed to be all aftercare for the whole time. Obviously some people will get insanely turned on and want more and I believe you can do that sometimes. I’m not into sex parties so I can’t say what the rules are or how common these are but it might be worth a try.
So nyc is a good spot to be. there are quite a few different events, and of varying types:
NSFW
Wonderland (one time since pandemic)
I think “The Library”
Gemini Loft
Hacienda
and then the more fet sometimes skeevy ones like Labyrinth or what used to be called Pendulum
People I know you wont know them!!! And unless your crew is high end then you will not get invite.
Sounds like a SAUASAGE FEST… Ask around for couple only!!!
The New Society for Wellness (NSFW) is a club in NYC I heard about recently on a podcast, the guest being one of the main organizers of the club (podcast was Two Bi Guys). I’m super bummed it’s all the way up there, as I’m in Louisiana, but it seems like exactly the kind of thing you and your bf may be looking for! They focus on fostering a sense of community, safety and consent, and inclusivity. It’s partially a sex club, and partially just a social space for people in that world to connect. https://www.ns-fw.com
Side note: If y’all end up trying it out, please post an update to this sub, as I’d be interested in hearing a firsthand account of what it’s actually like. Hope this helps!
Next time, don’t go to a sex party. Go to a BDSM event. The focus is not on fucking at those events.
I’m sorry you had a bad time. I and a partner went to a club in AC and it was pretty good. Other people were polite and vibe was chill
Local FetLife groups are good for finding parties. There’s usually a vetting process and/or you need a sponsor, but that’s not difficult if you get to know a few people.
Duuuuude i hade when they have loud and bad music its wildy annoying. Who is that for lol
To get invited to the good stuff you have to get invited. Making friends is the fastest way. Good parties are usually hosted in someomes home so make friends and to keep the good times going when you have a good friend group host a party it will get you far more invites
Even in NYC I guess setting really IS everything.
“The hosts were nice,” you said. Can you contact them and ask them about other parties they know about? In my experience, anyone who hosts a sex party probably has done it before and will do it again, and probably knows a lot of people who attend or host them. They might be able to point you toward other possibilities. Invite them out to dinner and just talk to them about their experiences, and see if they have any advice. If you met other new people that you liked, did you get their names or contact info? Talk to them, if possible.
If all else fails, go to another party by the hosts you liked. Even if you don’t like the atmosphere of that party, if you meet anyone you like, just sit and talk to them. Get their names and contact info if you can. Ask about their experiences, and parties (or clubs) they’ve been to.
You can always throw your own party. Even if it’s just you and one other couple. As you meet new people you like, you can add them to the list. And as its your party you can set the rules and create the atmosphere you want.
It was an experience, think of it as a ride at Disneyland.
You gave it a shot, you may revisit at a later date.
Sometimes the same ride is amazing, other times (depending on seating) the experience doesn’t have the same impact.
I hope your next adventure does this experience Justice.
There are several communities on FetLife, a social media site for people in BDSM lifestyle, that’s the best way to become part of the community. And yeah, unfortunately there are a lot of shitty people in the life, and oftentimes that results in some pretty boring clubs. I used to go to The Mark in Nashville, which at the time was a very fun, respectful place. It wasn’t so much a sex club as it was a BDSM gym. Like planet fitness, weekly meet & greets, pizza and movie nights. Just instead of working out, you get flogged.
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Befriend feminists and queer people (there will be pan and bi folks).
First rule, friends dont talk to friends about sex club.
Did you go to a house party or like a hotel takeover party? The hotel style is a much better scene, in my experience.
The lack of foreplay is also interesting, all the parties I’ve been to the guys were going down on the women for days.
I had similar experiences with every sex party I’ve ever been to. As far as finding a party exclusively for pleasure, I can’t say I ever found one. People looked at me weird when I offered it at the ones I went to. It seems to be a lick of the draw. As long as there isn’t money involved, I’d say keep trying to find a group that works for you. Unfortunately, I never did find that here, and they charged just to get in the doors.
Thanks for sharing this. And what you wrote summarizes what most porn directors get wrong (and I had once worked in the industry–just vids, not films). They think that their audience mainly wants to see the Big O. Not true!!! We want to see the surprises, anticipation, close-up visuals, endless foreplay, tension. Of course, the medium is the medium but a good director can at least figure out how to suggest smell and taste!
Hi! Please ignore my username, Reddit defaulted to it and I have no idea how to change it. Plus I’m super democratic so not very fitting lol.
I’m a 25 year old girl living in NYC and I’ve been thriving in the play community for 2 years now. I’m happy to share the names and applications of a few places I regularly attend if helpful 🙂
As someone who has worked security at a NYC sex party I can tell you, the women never seemed happy.
For him to do it