https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/hXTUj3Ph7I
A few people asked for an update on the situation so here goes:
1. Thank you all for your advice
I told her what she’s claiming is impossible and that i feel she is lying about it. I didn’t block her as quite honestly I didn’t know how she’d react and I don’t want her spreading rumours or posting fake things about me on the internet.
After a few days she texts me yesterday and says she went to her family doctor who also confirmed it wouldnt have shown up on the test taken Saturday if I had gotten her pregnant. Supposedly he advised her to get tested the next day (today). She then texts me this morning saying she was tested again and is pregnant. She said her HCG levels were 64 (not sure if that lines up?) I told her I still feel she is lying and I will need to see a copy of this test saying she’s pregnant as well as we will need a paternity test down the line. She says she will get a copy of these results to show me however it takes a few days as she needs to request it. I told her that’s fine and after some arguing I told her I have nothing else to say until I see some proof.
Realistically I don’t see anyway I would have gotten her pregnant. If she tested positive on Saturday and then today in my eyes that confirms she was already pregnant when we slept together. This is also backed up by her family doctor as well as everyone’s opinions/ research on the original post. She still claims she hadn’t slept with anyone within the last 5 months (no way for me to know if that’s true or not). Something I forgot to mention in my original post is that she was just at the end of her period when we slept together. (This makes me doubt she could have been pregnant when we slept together, but I could be wrong?) also from what I’ve read would be even less likely to test positive when she did?
I think what’s happening is one of three things:
1. She is lying about all of this for attention, I know blocking her cuts that out but I don’t want her to be able to say I got her pregnant and then abandoned her.
2. She was pregnant when we slept together and is lying about not having slept with someone in the past 5 months (does her period rule that out?)
3. There is some underlying condition causing a false positive.
I guess option 4 would be that I did in fact get her pregnant, however with this whole story and the fact we used protection properly I don’t think this is possible.
Anyways my plan is to distance as much as possible, if/ when she shares results with me I will go from there. If she is in fact pregnant and claiming it is mine I will be speaking with a lawyer as many have suggested.
Is there anything else I should be doing to protect myself at this point? please let me know, thank you for all your inputs.
41 comments
At an hcg level of 64, she’d likely be about 3 weeks pregnant. If you had sex on Wednesday, and her hcg level showed 64 on the next Wednesday? Chances are very high you’re not the father.
If she keeps pressing the issue, you can get a prenatal paternity test that’s non invasive. Definitely do some research on that.
Don’t do anything without a paternity test. Make sure all contact is thru email or text. Do not respond.
No phone calls.
Only text so you can keep a record.
Lol in my best Maury “ you are not the father”
You’re honestly overthinking this. Wait until she can fully prove she’s pregnant and if it turns out she is, get a paternity test. Nothing more, nothing less needed here.
A prenatal paternity test would solve this easily. They can’t do one this early but can soon. Demand this and you’ll have definitive answers. I would keep things amicable/cordial until then tho – just in case this IS your child.
Tell her to contact you when she’s ready for a paternity test. Until then you don’t need to be involved in any way.
The ”period” could very well be implantation bleeding, if she got pregnant ca 10-14 days before that
If you two had sex on Wednesday and *that* Saturday, she’s pregnant (as in took a test and it’s positive)…it’s not yours.
There’s no way you had sex and three days later she pops positive. It’s literally impossible. Pregnancy tests work on a hormone level that’s only readable once a certain level of development of the embryo has been reached. None of which happens in 3 days. She’s full of it.
You have nothing to worry about – there is no way she would test positive at three days pregnant. She is lying to you
When you get a paternity test, make sure you organise it yourself (post birth) or go with her (pre birth). I wouldn’t trust her bringing you one that she’s done.
Dude it’s not yours. Even her doctor told her it’s impossible. Stop engaging with her entirely. Hell I’d probably even just block her. Tell her she’s welcome to come find you after it’s born for a paternity test so you can prove it’s not yours. But until then stop engaging.
None of this “send me this result or that result.” Full stop. Stop engaging and forget about this because if she even is pregnant it physically cannot be yours.
ETA: I see others recommending a blood test in a few weeks to prove or disprove paternity. Based on how you’ve been engaging with her so far I would strongly recommend against that and wait to see if a baby even pops out before you do testing. Would not at all be surprised if she’s making some of these “medical documents” herself to provide evidence to you of her being pregnant – especially with how she keeps trying to trickle change things after you call her out on lies/impossibilities. And wouldn’t put it past her to doctor up some test results to say it’s yours at the moment. Wait to see if an actual baby comes in 9 months and deal with paternity then. No offense OP but you come across as pretty gullible with how you’re still engaging with her and I really think your best course of action is to just completely stop so you don’t get further manipulated. And if you do against my advice do some sort of test now you 100% need to ensure all communication is only between you and the doctor on test results. No using her as a middleman and asking for her to send you proof.
And OP as to your question on how to protect yourself since you’re so worried she’ll smear your reputation just tell her this “Hey so and so. After speaking to medical professionals about this there’s statistically and medically no way that your child can be mine. I’m not going to keep chatting with you about this and wish you the best. You’re welcome to reach out again after the kid is born and I’m happy to take a test for you at that time to confirm it’s not mine. And if by some miracle against all medical odds, at that time the official test comes back positive I will discuss with you more then about how to best support.” And then no more engagement. Nada. Zilch. Ignore every future message until she shows up at your door with a newborn in 9 months which I highly doubt will happen.
You’ll just need to wait and do a paternity test, it’ll be the only way you’ll know for sure.
I only skimmed your original post and the link isn’t working, not here to repeat any of the comments here BUT: if it’s not yet been mentioned, would it have been possible for her to have stolen the used condom and inseminated herself and this is a complete set up by her? Lining up the timeline just enough to be early stages of pregnancy and yet still a couple (ish) weeks off yet due date would still be plausible in the end?
Did you hear this info from the dr or from her? Anyways, listen to everyone in the comments, good advice!
I highly doubt this is your child. However in the event it is, you should try to maintain a civil platonic relationship in case you have to co-parent later. Get the DNA test as soon as possible. Do not hand over any money or agree to any support without proof you are the father. Document everything, if you have a verbal conversation, type it up and email it to her and ask her to confirm she agrees with what was discussed.
Why do you keep feeding into this when you were advised to block her and go no contact? If she’s actually pregnant, she will come at you later with her paternity suit. You can worry about it then. As you have said from your research and the other comments, she’s probably just a damn liar. Stop fretting yourself about it and move on with your life. Again, if it’s actually true, you will hear about it again.
I don’t know if you are in a position to ask this, but has she gone somewhere where alcohol/other substances were involved in the last month? The fact that she confirmed with her doctor that it was very unlikely that you were the father and then she told you about it might be confirmation that she is convinced that you are the only person she slept with..
She could be lying to save face or…maybe she could have been taken advantage of and not remember it. She does seem like she wants to provide the proof of her being pregnant and it being yours, so I wouldn’t be entirely be convinced that is not malicious…just a thought
You can’t test pregnant 2.5 days after having sex. It takes a minimum of 2 weeks for a likely positive and 3 weeks for a definitive positive. If you used a condom & it didn’t break, the chances are also very slim. Implantation (after the sperm fertilized the egg & then implants into the uterus) takes at least a minimum of 7-10 days after intercourse. She is definitely lying to you. Do not sign anything at all until paternity is proven. Also, I am very good with photoshop and can easily make a letter with my name proving pregnancy.
Congratulations, have forced her to figure out how real pregnancy tests work and now you have forced her to dummy up some reports. Watch, the more lies you catch her in the more the narrative will change
A paternity test is all I’ll say, and not from her family doctor or one of those at home kits. Where your mouth is swabbed by a professional not someone who she knows can manipulate the results
Be also ready for the following “I miscarried and I know it was yours. You put me through a lot of stress.”
OP, stop panicking. If she’s pregnant it’s not yours. She’s probably trying to scam you. Do nothing without a paternity test, and most important, DONT sleep with her again.
I got pregnant toward the end of my period, it’s possible in women who have shorter cycles. But a pregnancy test reading positive two days after sex is pretty unheard of , because the embryo needs to implant in the uterus to trigger the HCG levels to go up (which is what pregnancy tests pick up on) and that usually takes a few days, at least
There is no pregnancy test in the universe that shows a positive in 3 days. That’s not how fertility works.
As others have said. No speculation. No trying to become an armchair obstetrician. No bro-science. Tell her you need a prenatal paternity test and you’ll talk to her when the time comes for that.
If the test says it’s yours, then it’s yours regardless of opinions on Reddit posts. If it’s not, it’s not. Either way… paternity test first, reaction second.
So far it appears that all of the information that you have is second hand through this woman.
Don’t let the DNA test also go through her. You need this one to come directly from the lab to you.
Get a dna test and call it a day.
1) go together to a doctor for a professional pregnancy test, and don’t leave her alone with the doctor until you have the result.
2) if she is indeed pregnant, do a blood test the moment it is possible
On top of everything else that 100% doesn’t make sense, why would it take her a few days to get her records? Yes, she might have gotten a phone call but I’ve never had a doctor not immediately update my patient portal. I’m a pregnant woman so I know the system pretty well.
I think she’s playing you.
Yes. Sign nothing and agree to nothing verbally that your lawyer hasn’t said is ok.
If she is pregnant my understanding is there is non invasive paternity test that can be done or just wait and do one when the baby is born before leaves the hospital.
Stop communicating with this person unless it’s through a lawyer
She’s accusing you of something that could cost you 18 years of financial hardship and far more emotional damage, any communication should be officially documented and prepared incase she keeps pushing this story
Give her the name and number of your legal representative and watch how miraculously this whole thing goes away
Well, lots of solid advice between your 2 posts, I’m just here for any future updates. Good luck op I hope it all works out in your favor.
I get that you’re freaked out. But stop engaging with crazy. You’re fueling it by engaging.
It’s 100% impossible to have sex and get a positive pregnancy test just a few days later. I run one of the biggest infertility groups on Facebook…. We’ve got tens of thousands of women at a time tracking and monitoring and praying for a positive test. I could explain all of this in my sleep… and I often do haha. Especially women in other countries who dont have the same access to healthcare that we do in the US. Im happy to link you to peer reviewed scientific research about the timeline of how conception happens and when you’ll see a positive test.
With an HCG of 64 she’s likely right around 4 weeks pregnant. This number can vary widely… but doctors like to see a 50 or above at the 4 week mark to help determine if it’s a viable pregnancy (it’s not black and white, that’s just a ballpark).
Say you want to do a paternity test.
When I first started dating my husband, his ex-gf pulled the same thing. As soon as paternity test was mentioned, she disappeared.
Later, around when the baby was born, she messaged him again. And yet again, he said paternity test.
She hasn’t bothered us since and is now the baby mama of 2 kids who look suspiciously like the guy she’s with now but what do I know?
I doubt you got her pregnant either. But I will tell you some thing in the future. The only absolute protection against pregnancy is abstinence. All others have failed including the pill, condoms spermicide, and everything else you can imagine.
The red flag for me is that she drove to another city to stay the night at a strangers house to hook up. You were not her first buddy!
Some women have a period during the first couple or even few months of pregnancy. It is not that rare. She very well could have believed she had a period, hence, was not pregnant when she had sex with you. If she is pregnant, daddy could be someone she slept with a month, two, or three ago. If she is pregnant not at all likely you are the dad.
I’m just waiting for the DNA test and the crazy lady to go away at this point. Sorry dude
Option she’ll claim a miscarriage when she’s due to start showing is it with this fairytale girl. She needs to rely on her own merits to get a man in the future bc this isn’t ok.
If she tested positive on Saturday that’s what she should be going by, not oh I tested positive on the following Wednesday now so you’re back in the running.