(25M) my ex girlfriend (24F) came out of the blue after 2 years. Why?

27 comments

1. She’s testing the waters, dude. There is meaning to what she’s doing.

2. Closure. She seems to have moved on to the point where she can have a civil relationship with you. Don’t read too much into it beyond that. If you are not at the same point, you don’t have to continue talking with her.

3. is she cheating with you?

4. She wants to get her closure to feel better as a person. You need to cut ties with her.

5. For the moment consider is as “we could be normal friends”.

   Sidenote:

   She discussed about you to her mom.

   Her mom consider you as husband material.

6. >since she was in town for a friend’s degree.

   I don’t understand how this isn’t an answer?

7. OP suggestion is to read what kolodz and 145gw posted and don’t try to make this more complicated than it needs to be. You don’t plan on getting back into a relationship with her, so what is the harm in taking her comments at face value?

   NOTE – You didn’t include any reasons for why the two of you broke up, and since you were willing to meet with her I’m assuming it was not because she cheated on you. Those details could make me change my comments. Based on what I read here I’m more of a if I see you on the street I’ll say hello, but probably won’t cross the street just to do that. And the same with her mother.

8. OP if this is the case don’t read into it too much. You say there were obstacles plus covid which caused the breakup so it could be that her coming into town for her friends degree thing could’ve been a good opportunity for her to sit down with you and get closure/end things on a good note. I’m a girl and I have done this with past relationships that didn’t end as well as I wanted. Gave us a chance to clear the air and move on peacefully.

9. Ask her why did she do it

10. She’s a narcissist. She’s was seeking closure for herself to fortify her belief that she’s not a terrible person and her actions didn’t impact others negatively.

    That or she wanted to test the waters cause the guys she’s been with for the last 2 yrs don’t measure up and she wants to fill the gaps.

    I have one ex I call crazy and evil. And that’s because she cheated with multiple people over the course of a weekend and started doing H and sleeping w her dealer (I was in the first 2 yrs of sobriety). So I ended things immediately to keep my sanity and sobriety intact. Spent the next 7 yrs working on my career and maintaining sobriety but over the course of those years after the first year she would create new social media accounts to reach out and ask to apologize. I gave her a change the first time but found that she really just needed a ride to her drug dealer bfs place cause he was too strung out. She was stupid enough to think I forgot where the asshole lived after I picked her up from his house when she cheated on me before we broke up. She still tries to reach out now and I just block her account. But let me tell you the conversation went just like what you described. She wanted to “catch up”.

11. Ask her direct 2nd guessing yourself leads to assumptions, and you know what that does? Makes an A$$ of U and Me

12. Mf she wants the dick stop playing

13. Here’s another option, to keep options open. Closure? After 2 years? That’s a long time, even considering the lack of knowledge of the relationship. She referenced she’s doing better, mom says hi, honestly could be an idea that she may want to get back together with you. See if she continues to want to see you

14. Probably simple curiosity about someone who once meant something to her. There may have been a little hopefulness too, but, unless you do something about it, you’ll never know.

15. She wants you to see how improved she is and what you’re missing out on.

16. She’s returned to see if she can torture you a little more.

17. Honestly does it matter? If you aren’t interested in getting back together who cares. I know it might be nice to know why she wanted to see you to help you get some clarity but ultimately you’ll never know for sure and neither does anyone in the comments. You can ask her directly and she might give you a straight answer, that’s probably your best bet. But if you have already made up your mind about how you want your relationship to proceed going forward you might as well let sleeping dogs lie.

18. A lot of people are saying closure but then why the mom comment? were you also close to her mom? If she would want to give it another chance, would you want to also?

19. My best bet based on limited information is as follows.

    1. You were a decent boyfriend back then with long term potential.

    2. The breakup is something she instigated and you may not know all the details. (Such as other men she was attracted to / seduced by / cheating on you with)

    3. As time has progressed and she has met other men she has grown to appreciate how you treated her in the past. (More than she did before).

    4. She wants you back as a relationship partner. In fact she is actively pursuing this right now.

    Now, the ball is in your court. You can make a choice. But I recommend being deliberate in your decisions. Get her to come clean about the past. (Find out the whole story). Recognize how serious she seems to be about you and decide if you want to pursue a new relationship with her or not.

20. Often people do that, they start to reminisce about the past and how good people loved them, where they were treated well and I have a feeling of wanting to bond a little bit. That and being in town probably made her wanna connect with you.

21. I would just tru not to read to much into it and see what she says

    I had a ex come back into my life out of the blue after like 5 years and well..I was cautious and skeptical but she didn’t have any ill intentions or anything. Turns out we do pretty good and chill being just friends

22. She’s rubbing it in your face how well she’s doing and using that as a way to lift herself up more probably. I only think that because you said the break up was horrific.

23. You should have ignored her

24. OP, why sit around wondering what it was all about? Just call her and ask her. What have you got to loose? Just tell her how much you enjoyed seeing her again and catching up with her, but you are curious why, after 2 years of no contact, she would want to see and talk to you. Tell her that you were pleasantly surprised, but wanted to understand why now (other than her being in town). My guess is she found out she was going to be in your town, which led her to think about you and was simply curious what had happened to you in the past two years, and decided she would invite you to coffee and find out for herself to satisfy her curiosity. There could be something more, but the only way to find out is to ask her. People in this forum can only guess, and our guesses are even less informed than your own. I would call her or better yet, FaceTime her and just chat with her, ask her whatever you want to know. Who knows, she might just give you a straight answer. I mean what’s the worst that could happen? She doesn’t answer you. In which case you are in no worse shape than you are now. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

25. I dont think id ever give an ex I had a bad breakup with a chance to feel beter about it later by wasting more of my time. Not sure why dudes agree to meet up with their ex’s. Its not for you, its for HER to feel beter. Just why……

26. Just avoid her. I’ve had ex’s do this all my life, they’re just looking for some quick D, or to get back together (maybe not in your case since she doesn’t live locally). At either rate she’ll just end up being a disappointment like before, unless you can hit it and move on without getting emotional about it.

    Everyone seems to be telling you otherwise, but I’ve had basically this same scenario play out with 4 or 5 ex girlfriends over the years, multiple times. I’d be single at the time, and go ahead and start banging them again then within a couple weeks it would sour again and then I would move on. 6 months later, here one of them comes again. It’s great for staying in action in between real relationships, but not great if you aren’t actually over them. Lol

27. Most likely she got run through by a bunch of men.