I have known my friends since high school and we have gotten quite close, they have really been my best friends. And for the last 3 years, every summer we have been going to my grandparents beach house to vacation together and party because it’s kind of a party island. But for the last year i feel like I’m growing distant with them because my mindset and how I view things has changed a lot, which i think is normal for people my age but theirs hasn’t and it feels like they’re still stuck in high school when it comes to certain things.
So this year i spent a month and a half on this island because i found a job and they came one week in between. I really loved my time there it was so peaceful and it felt so good being away from the life i have at home. And when they came i was constantly frustrated because all they wanted was to party until the morning hours and drink but I didn’t (I enjoy partying now and then but not really clubbing). However I went with them and overall it was a good time I can’t say that I wasn’t but I don’t like myself anymore when I’m with them. It feels like the way they think and the things they like and want to do forces me to be this version of myself that i used to be and that I really hate now.
Besides that it feels like they don’t have the basic respect for the fact that it’s my family’s beach house. I’m constantly cleaning and putting away things because they leave everything everywhere and it frustrates me that they don’t see it. They clean the table and put things in the dishwasher but that’s it, cleaning the counters, wiping the table, vacuuming now and then because the floors become quite dirty is all left on me. And okay in the end I accept it because they are the guests.
But then there are things like breaking a glass, which is not a big deal if you clean the shards, however they left it on the terrace after i asked them if they could clean it and wanted to leave it overnight, which is stupid because the wind could spread it over the whole terrace. And before we went to sleep I snapped and said that we are not going to sleep until they put them away because I’m tired of constantly having to ask them even though it’s the basic respect when you come to someone’s house. They did but in an annoyed way and they didn’t even throw them away, they just left them on the dustpan. There are a lot of other things like that but the post is getting too long.
Anyway I’m working there also next summer and i really don’t want them to come because I don’t want to spend time with them like that anymore but I don’t know how to tell them without coming off as an asshole or ruining the friendship because they are still good and supportive friends and have always been there for me.
TL;DR I don’t know how to tell my friends I don’t want them to come to the beach house next year without being the asshole and ruining the friendship because when they do i am constantly frustrated over the lack of respect towards basic things as guests and because they bring out the version of me I don’t like anymore
1 comment
I don’t know that you need to turn this into a big thing. Just don’t extend an invitation this year. If they ask, tell them you don’t think you’ll be able to host this year. You don’t owe them a big explanation of the reasons. It’s your family’s home, so you pretty much just get to make the decision it’s not happening.