In my attempts at dating, I’ve had to sever ties with ghosters, politely end conversations with those who started hot then ran cold, put my foot down with jokers who wanted to play games, and been out with guys who were pretty to look at but had no brain in that head.
*sigh*
But my experience was not all for nothing. I’ve learned real lessons along the way:
1. 9x out of 10, when people preach they are “looking for a connection”, “wanting someone to talk to”, or “looking for my player 2” what they are truly looking for is validation and an ego boost. They will chat you up for a day or two, then you never hear from them again once they get what they want. Because they couldn’t be honest, they plead proven themselves to be poor choices for a partner
2. All that glitters is not gold. It only had to take one time being with a guy who was very good looking. Had such a hot body and excellent moves in bed, but he couldn’t hold a conversation worth shit. Our quality time together always had to include his phone.
3. I am watching history repeat itself. Reddit chats, Telegram texts, chat bubbles on Hinge/Bumble/Tinder reminds me of those AOL chatrooms on dial-up where us tween and teenagers (at the time) would spontaneously announce “Age/sex check!” Then boys and girls would IM each other to play around and flirt
4. A successful relationship from OLD is more of an exception than the rule. It is a perfect platform for having discreet affairs, ONS, and having your pick of FWBs. If that’s what you’re into, you’re in the right place. Outside of that, IMHO, I’m casting real doubt that the majority can acquire a decent date ~ let alone a long-term/committed relationship ~ from those who are playing an adult version of make-believe from behind their phone screen
If it sounds like I’m embittered, jaded, and fatigued, I am. I’m done and can’t continue anymore. If there is the right partner out there for me, then I have succeeded in figuring out that this is NOT the way to get there.
For those of you still on your wireless journey to love, I really hope that you’ll have a better experience and I wish you lots of good luck!
4 comments
I agree with the dating sucks part of your paper, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. Yeah its hard, Hell, been on a few dating apps for a couple months now, and 0 genuine matches. I say genuine, cause its all been bots and “hey buy my nudes” crap. But I knew that was gonna be an issue going into this. You try, you fail, you get back up and try with the next person.
I’ve come to realise for both men and women looking for LTRs, you need to filter with intention.
Can’t hold a conversation on app? Gone.
You communicate your needs clearly, they don’t take you seriously? Gone.
You ask for their long term plans, they joke about taking it as it comes? Gone.
You make it clear you’re not looking to get intimate in the short term, they ghost? For the better, gone.
Cool pity party.
If every guy you pick ends up like this and it’s likely that you’re picking the wrong kinds of guy.