Last night in an argument my husband told me “Everytime you walk out that door I hope you get killed.” He has said this once before too. Is there any coming back from this? It feels like one of those things you can never forget or let go of. Im only married to him still because I clearly have no self respect and because we have a mountain of debt and I cant afford to get out of this situation. Will things ever get better?
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Sorry op, but I couldn’t come back from this. No way! Seek free legal consultation in your area, plan a exit strategy, and get away from this toxic unhealthy person. Your overall well being is priority!
Honestly, if someone showed me that much hatred (and that’s what he’s showing you), then I couldn’t be with them any longer. No matter how much debt you two have, you need to separate. If he is wishing death on you, it’s only a short step until he tries to make that happen. Get somewhere safe. I’m sad you’re going through this.
My ex said something similar when we were about to separate.
I don’t think so but that’s so intense, what was the argument? what did you say first? Not trying to blame or something.
No way could I ever look at my husband the same and feel comfortable being married to someone who wished for me to die every time I left the house.
I’d be looking into divorce asap.
This is a high-level of contempt. Why is he so resentful of you? Does he have a good reason to be, or is he just a jerk? I’m not saying there is any reason that would justify him saying this, but I’m just curious if you know what his problem is.
You are going to have this debt whether you are married or not. You need legal advice because you are saying you want to leave, and making assumptions about why you can’t, but unless you didn’t mention it, it doesn’t seem like you have taken the first step to understand what your options are. You can get a few free legal consultations. This doesn’t even cost you money. So – have you talked to a lawyer? If not, are you going to? It seems you looking for excuses why you can’t leave instead of planning your exit. So, is this really about the money, or is this about you just not being willing to deal with what your life has become?
Also – why don’t you have any self-respect? Does your insurance cover mental health stuff like therapy? If so, have you considered getting some help for yourself? I’m assuming you want to respect yourself, so maybe you need to work on that, starting with why you don’t think you deserve better.
No. I don’t think so. Call a lawyer (first consult/phone call is usually free) and talk about dividing the debt and moving away. Do you have a job?
“I hope you die” doesn’t strike me as that far from “I am going to take steps to ensure you die.” Do you feel safe OP?
What was the argument about and how has your marriage been lately.
Of course one would never feel comfortable if their partners wanted them dead.
Nononononono.
This is a hill to die on. If someone I lived with said that to me, I would not be alone with them ever again.
OP, work on an exit plan. Now. This is serious.
It’s very hard to overcome contempt in general. When it reaches this level – I don’t think there’s a return. I’m so sorry. That must be so painful.
There’s no way I would stay under the same roof with anyone who’d say this to me. It’s scary too because it’s the 2nd time he says it, let’s hope he’s not planning anything in his head. Please be careful
I’m not even sure how someone can apologize after saying something like that. This is not a heathy environment for you. This isn’t love.
Nope.
FFS OP, run away before he makes his dream come true. That level of hatred and contempt sounds deadly.
Edit: I wish I could find something positive to say, but this is so bad that only the cold, hard truth will work.
My ex would tell me that she hoped I would die every time I traveled and when I would land safely and text her, she would send a frowny face in text. I traveled 400-600k air miles a year at one point.
It’s important to note that she was diagnosed BPD and our marriage lasted 21 years. It’s amazing what you accept after a long time of dealing with it.
So, do you think this is a systemic issue, or that this is an expression of your husband’s anger? My wife has told me, a few times, that she wished I was dead. She was angry, and expressed it. She also has talked about getting a divorce when she is angry. I think some people express themselves in a draconian way when they are frustrated, and it is possible to look past the expression to deal with the deeper issue.
I get that this may not be the case for you. Also, I agree that it is difficult to forget that someone said something like that, I haven’t!!
So, perhaps you might want to look in to marriage counseling, if you guys are regularly arguing, and you are not getting resolution.
Declair bankruptcy and move on. Take him at his word. This person is a physical abuser ready to happen.
So sad about your situation. Sounds like an awful person
I hope you have someone you can talk to, whether that be a close friend or family member or person in your community you can reach out to. I can help provide you with resources, just PM me.
I am a therapist and I primarily work with couples.I once worked with a couple where one partner had said something similar a few times during heated arguments. Things escalated in that circumstance from arguments to domestic violence to unfortunately, second degree homicide.
I am not telling you this to scare you, but more so to educate about the possible dire consequences of doing nothing. I would strongly encourage you to pack a go bag- you’ll want to get your important documents, anything of sentimental value, spare clothes and cash if you can.
I can provide more assistance and advice if you want, but I would strongly encourage you to keep in mind that no amount of debt is worth risking your life for and that you are worth saving. You are worth believing and you are worth more than this relationship.
There’s no excuse for this but can we ask why he said that? Why does he hate you that much???