I (29f) met my boyfriend (33m) traveling. We had so much fun together it was spontaneous and exciting! Then I had to go back home to begin my uni studies in UK and he moved back to his home NL but we kept in contact and visited each other every few months. We met up as part of a group initally and then we started to meet up just us 2. Then we became official after 1 year. I completed my uni study and decided to move to NL to be with him. Now we are together 5 years and 2 of those years living together and I am so unbelievely bored in my relationship.
I know it can’t always be fun and exciting but this is like the total opposite of fun and exciting. And I’m really bored and wondering where my life will end up.
We have no plans together, we don’t have any hobbies together, I’ve fallen into habits that I never thought I would, he has no spontaneity, he is never enthusiastic about anything (other than sex but honestly I can’t when there is no connection anymore), he’s lazy, he isn’t useful around the house, he could happily stay at home and do nothing and would be very satisfied, I’m an early bird and he is very much a night person, our work routines don’t match so we don’t spend a lot of time together (I dont know if I’m thankful for that or not).
I have told him about my concerns that we are stagnant and I want to see him more enthusiastic and he tries but it’s like he is my puppet and I want him to have his own will and be enthusiastic. Not because he doesn’t want to lose me but because he actually wants the same things as me.
I’m not perfect I know but these things are troubling me and I’m thinking about a break.
The worst things is that he is a good person and I love him and he is pure with a good heart but sometimes love isn’t enough. It’s got to the point where I don’t enjoy life anymore. I often ponder over my future, and the current imagine I have of the future is bland and boring, no indepth conversations about anything, sitting on the sofa eating chips every night maybe with a joint to forget all the boringness of this life I have created for myself.
tl;dr! relationship is boring after 2 years living together (5years total). Should I accept it or move on to something more fitting with me. Or am I constantly searching for excitement in my life? Advice please.
5 comments
Is this the life you are looking for? Answer that and you will know what to do.
Yes break up. You’ve given this thing 5 years it’s time to move on if you’re not planning on spending your life with this dude. Clearly you’re not a good match and you owe it to both of you guys to break it off if you’re not feeling it so you can both go off and do your own things rather than sticking around in a dead end relationship. It sucks that it’s not working out but hey most relationships don’t. It’ll be hard to actually go through with it and end the relationship but just focus on where you see yourself in a few years. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled and this relationship is holding you back.
Since you called him your boring boyfriend, I’d say so
Since you are unbelievably bored, I’d say so
Since you often question your future with him, I’d say so
Are you looking for someone to give you the push? Here’s the push! Leave him! It doesn’t make you a bad person! It doesn’t make him one either!
Not every breakup is due to nefarious behaviour. Many times it’s for reasons like this. Incompatibility in the long run.
You are not compatible. Yes it is best to leave him now before more frustruation and resentment build up.
The grass is not always greener on the other side.