I (24F) have a relationship of 3 months with a friend (28M). I struggle with depression, anxiety, ADAH and abandoment issues from CPTSD. My boyfriend also has a long story with trauma, however, he didn’t seek therapy, so he’s very repressive with his feelings and struggles to put them into words.
This year is being hard to me, since I’ve discovered a lot of truths about my close family, letting me at a point that I took a license of 1 month from work. I’m not at the best place mentally right now, so I recognize that I’m also a very difficult person to live with.
Well, I started to notice some things that tip me off. He doesn’t seem to care about taking care of himself (he only washes his hair 1 time at a week, while having long curly hair), he started feeling a leg pain before we started our relationship, it has only gotten worse and he didn’t search for a apointment with a ortophedist to discover what was causing it. It got to a point where I decided to contact a doctor for him, because I didn’t believe he would do it.
A lot of times, I feel like he just takes me from granted. We are in a RPG table where he’s the DM and I started to feel very bad about myself. So I asked him if we could cancel it and if he could be with me, since I was needing his support. He decided to DM anyways, but didn’t force me to attend to it. In my birthday, I wanted to go walking to work with him (we follow the same path), but he refused it because he was late (he would be like, 15min late AT BEST). And today, I’ve felt another breakdown and couldn’t go back to work. He was working and I texted him, asking if he could come stay with me, since I was having very bad thoughts (worthless, suicede, etc). You know when you just NEED support, but you feel like you are completely alone? Well… he didn’t came.
I’ve already spoken about how these situations make me feel and his reply was that he couldn’t take care of me 24hs. Something inside me just broke.
I don’t know if I’m overeacting, if he really doesn’t sustain my needs, if I’m the problematic person or if I’m simply starting to see red flags. Can you guys give me advice?
TLDR: My boyfriend seems to prioritize other things over me and my mental health.
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Sorry for any grammar mistakes or too much repetition, english is not my first language
EDIT: Correcting stuff and making the post more clear
1 comment
Asking your partner to be late to work so he can walk with you is unreasonable.
Asking your boyfriend of 3 months to cancel his plans (when he has made that commitment to a group of people) because you’re feeling badly about yourself is unreasonable.
A boyfriend is not a crutch you get to summon whenever you’re not feeling 100%. He has his own life he needs to attend to, even if it’s hard for you.
I know you are going through it mentally and i’m sorry you’re struggling. But your boyfriend, ESPECIALLY because he has not had any treatment for his OWN stuff, is NOT an appropriate resource for you in the way youve been asking him to be. You need to have a mental health professional you can call when you need support, not a man who you have known for 3 months, who doesn’t even have his own shit figured out.
It sounds very much like he isn’t the right fit for you, in that you’re looking for someone to give you things he has told you he’s not able or willing to provide.
But it also sounds like you maybe aren’t in a good place to be in a relationship at all right now.