What are your biggest fears in a relationship, romantic or otherwise?

22 comments

1. That they’ll suddenly turn abusive

   Have had a few close calls, mainly with dates from Tinder, they start off sweet and amazing but then randomly get very abusive or angry for literally no reason

2. Just, being manipulated or taken advantage of, I am very naïve person and very trusting. Usually I rely on my friend to be my cynical observer 😐

3. Trust…

   I’m not sure I could ever trust a man again or at least if I do, it will take a while.

4. Rejection, not being enough, and being used. I always end all of my friendships sooner or later, so that they don’t get the opportunity to do it to me first.

5. My biggest fear in a relationship is that I would make a child with the wrong person and he will leave bcs of the responsibility.

6. That they will abandon and leave one they realize how flawed and crazy I am. Happened too much, but the pain doesn’t diminish.

7. In a romantic relationship, definitely being personally and publicly humiliated by cheating, seeing sex workers, them having a double life I had no clue about being exposed. I’ve never had this happen to me but it’s literally the worst thing I could imagine. Betrayal, humiliation and being made to look stupid by someone you love just sounds so devastating.

   I don’t really have any fears about other types of relationships. I’m not close with my family and pretty easy going with my few friendships.

8. Wasting my time with someone who just wants material things, sex or a warm bed, and doesn’t actually want me, to understand me, or to support my goals… or in other words, that what I offer in a relationship wouldn’t be reciprocated and they’re just pretending to love.

9. Trusting that our experiences of the relationship are at least in alignment. I understand two people can have different experiences even within the same relationship, but I always find it really painful when our experiences aren’t in alignment.

   I was six months into a relationship and was starting to feel ready to tell him I loved him, meanwhile he said he didn’t feel as emotionally invested as he believed he should. We had been exclusively dating that whole time, and when I brought up the possibility of us moving in together at the 1-year mark, he had previously told me that he was so glad I brought it up first because he was afraid of seeming too eager.

   To hear then that he didn’t feel emotionally invested, and that he felt like the relationship was “missing” something, it was such a sudden shift from the perspective I thought we shared, it really shook me for a long time. I thought we were falling in love, but I was the only one who was.

10. Trust in a romantic relationship. I am happier on my own.

    I feel safer alone. I should add that I am 12 yrs free of an abusive 29 year marriage.

    Also, I don’t have any fears regarding my friendships.

11. That I will die first and leave him alone. We’ve established that my partner has a better life when he has a partner who provides structure (i.e. buying and cooking healthy food, going to sleep at healthy times, etc). I worry that without me, he will just fall apart.

12. I don’t fear my romantic relationship. I trust him explicitly. I do fear female friendships. I have never had a female friendship that didn’t end poorly. Every single woman (not related to me) I have ever gotten close to has competed with me, stabbed me in the back, talked about me behind my back, judged me for everything etc. I no longer trust other women at all and I avoid female friendships.

13. That he’ll realize I’m not worth the trouble

14. Worried I’ll have one of those freak pregnancies where you keep having your period and don’t show at all until it’s way too late. I do not want children 🥲

15. Manipulation and cheating

16. Men in my family are lazy, selfish and lack responsibility.

    I really dont wanna pump out 2 babies to someone like that

17. That i’ll not realise i’m being used and/ or abused because i love/ care about them so much.

18. Being cheated on and lied to again. 80% of my relationships I have been lied to and cheated on. It’s caused me to have trust issues at times and low self esteem other times. I have no issues in the bedroom, I don’t look half bad (I don’t think), and I’m a really awesome partner (I’m not perfect! I have flaws).

19. Somebody changing their mind.

20. Getting pregnant

21. Infidelity (my dad’s unfaithfulness did a number on me) and that he will die young and I will have to face decades without him.

22. Hurting them